The Giggle-a-Day Joke Book. Литагент HarperCollins USD

ghouls, monsters … and school! That’s because Mondays are moandays!

      GHOSTS, GHOULS AND MONSTERS

      What’s a ghost’s favourite day of the week?

       Moanday!

       Laura Hoare

      What do werewolves write at the end of their letters?

      Best vicious!

       Alex Cottee

      Why did the teacher send Dracula’s son home?

      Because he was coffin too much!

       Nafisa Hussain

      Which monster can sit on the end of your finger?

       The bogeyman!

       Carl Smith

      What kind of music does a Mummy listen to?

       Wrap!

       Tara Littlehales

      What happens when you have identical twin witches?

       You can’t tell which witch is which!

       Helen Innes

      Who did Dracula marry?

       The girl necks door!

       Kirsty Moore

      What kind of mail does a superstar vampire get?

       Fang-mail!

       Lindzy Westmoreland

      What climbs ropes and is wrapped in a plastic bag?

       The lunchpack of Notre Dame!

       Jack Lewis

      Where do abominable snowmen live?

       In Chile!

       Alex Cottee

      What did the ghost teacher say to her pupils?

       Watch the board while I go through it again!

       Jemma Lynch

      What do you write on a robot’s gravestone?

       Rust in peace!

       Warick Falconer

      What do you call a female ghoul on a plane?

       An air ghostess!

       Duncan Mclnnes

      Why did the wizard turn his socks into music sheets?

       Because his feet started to hum!

       Natalie Sear

      Why did the skeleton go to the Chinese restaurant?

       To get some spare ribs!

       Kayleigh Aubrey

      How do you make a skeleton laugh?

       Tickle his funny bone!

       Penelope Jeffcock

      1^st BOY: I got this haunted bike today.

      2^nd BOY: How do you know it’s haunted?

      1^st BOY: Because it’s got spooks on the wheels!

       Hannah Davies

      1^st BOY: I keep dreaming about large red monsters with green teeth.

      2^nd BOY: Have you seen a doctor?

      1^st BOY: No, just large red monsters with green teeth!

       Robert Parry

      Why do witches fly on brooms?

       Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

       Luke Preece

      What soap do vampires watch?

       Horror-nation Street!

       Aisha Khan

      What kind of boat does Dracula use?

       A blood vessel!

       Bill French

      What’s the difference between a man who has walked into a haunted house, and a dog with fleas?

       One is itching to go and the other is going to itch!

       Duncan Mclnnes

      There was a monster of Loch Ness,

      Who was often seen in a dress.

      The reporters asked why?

      The monster replied,

      ‘I wouldn’t if I was photographed less.’

       Kirstie Logan

      What instrument does a skeleton play?

      A trombone!

       Jamie Curry

      Where did Frankenstein’s monster go to have his head fitted to his shoulders?

      Bolton!

       Carl Manley

      What do a footballer and a magician have in common?

      They both do hat tricks!

       Saagar Patel

      Have you been to the Himalayas?

       Not yeti!

       Joe Barthorpe

      What do you call a ghost at a football match?

       A spooktater!

       Sean Hughes

      What do you do when you see a skeleton dancing?

       Jump out of your skin and join him!

       Blair Grimley

      What’s the first thing a monster eats after having its tooth out?

       The dentist!

       Dawn Corney

      What did the mummy ghost say to the baby ghost?

       Spook when you’re spooken to!

       Christian Jones and Emma Brown

      What is a monster’s favourite football team?

       Slitherpool!