Three Letters. Josephine Cox

her by the arms and held her still. ‘Listen to me. It doesn’t matter any more!’ Forcing her down into a chair, his voice and manner became suddenly calm. ‘Whatever Casey has to tell me, or however many men you choose over me, none of it matters any more.’ Leaning down, he put his face close to hers and, speaking in a soft, almost kindly voice, he told her, ‘It’s over, Ruth. You and me … it’s over and done with. For good.’

      His sudden change of mood had her worried and she pulled away from him. ‘What d’yer mean, “none of it matters any more”? What’s your game, eh?’ In the depth of her crazed mind, she could see him throwing her out, turning her onto the streets without money, or a roof over her head. ‘You’d better not be threatening me,’ she whined. ‘I’ve done nothing wrong!’

      Ignoring her, Tom turned to Casey. ‘Are you all right, son?’

      His face streaked with tears, Casey nodded. ‘I’m all right, Daddy.’

      ‘Good. Then I’d like you to go in the scullery and wash your hands and face. Comb your hair and make yourself look respectable. And don’t open the door until I call. Me and your mother need to talk. Can you do that for me?’

      Casey gave a nervous little nod. ‘Yes.’ Trembling, he never once looked at his mother, but as he closed the scullery door, he heard her screeching and ranting and, incredibly, she was now pleading.

      ‘Don’t go all cold on me, Tom,’ she was saying. ‘It’s all summat and nowt. I don’t want it coming between the two of us, and if you try and throw me out on the streets, I’ll make you rue the day, you see if I don’t!’

      ‘Oh, I see. You think I might throw you out and leave you destitute, is that it? Well! You could not be more wrong, but that’s not to say I shouldn’t throw you out. No, it’s me and Casey who are leaving. We can’t go on like this. After what just happened, I’ve got to mek sure the lad is safe.’

      ‘You’re not thinking straight, Tom. I’m the boy’s mother, and he belongs here, with me. The truth is, you couldn’t give a bugger what he wants, or you wouldn’t be so intent on splitting the family up.’

      ‘Don’t make the mistake of painting me with your own brush, Ruth,’ he told her. ‘All I want is for our son to grow up, safe and secure. He can’t do that here, not with you. In my father’s house he’ll have love and security. He’ll be allowed to choose what he wants in life, and he’ll be helped to achieve it, without threat or anger.’

      Ruth was as determined to keep the boy with her, as Tom was to take him away. She had never wanted the child, but she couldn’t bear the thought of Tom and Casey sharing a life from which she was excluded. Well, she’d make damned sure Tom didn’t have it all his own way. ‘To hell with what you want! He’s staying here, and that’s an end to it!’ She ranted.

      Fearing that his mother would escalate the row, Casey remained locked in the scullery, running the tap and splashing water over his face in an effort to drown out the sound of his parents’ angry voices.

      He was afraid. He sensed something awful was about to happen, and he blamed himself. He must have done something wrong, something so terrible that he had set his parents at each other’s throats.

      Outside, Ruth would not let up. ‘You’re up to some trick or other, I know you are. So, what is it? What spiteful thing are you planning?’ Made increasingly uneasy by Tom’s quiet mood, Ruth suspected he was not telling her the entire truth. But that was not the total sum of her fears. It dawned on her that if he left her and she was forced to make her own way, how would she manage? She had no work-skills. Through all the years they’d been wed, Tom had always provided for her, so she had never once needed to work. And she had no desire to start now. The idea of not having Tom there to bring in the money was a frightening prospect.

      Oh, yes, she could always sell herself; she had done so often enough. But that was simply a sideline; a rewarding pleasure she was free to indulge in whenever the mood took her.

      And anyway, what would she do when her figure went to seed, and the wrinkles ravaged her face? No man would look at her twice then, let alone lie with her. However old and unattractive she got, Tom was a man who would always do his duty and bring in a regular wage.

      ‘Please, Tom, don’t leave me,’ she played on his softer side. ‘I’ll change my ways, I really will.’

      In all her married life she had never once belittled herself to plead with him, but the prospect of losing that wage packet on a Friday was too daunting.

      ‘Sit down, Ruth.’ Tom’s voice was surprisingly gentle.

      Gesturing to the chair, he waited, but she made no move.

      ‘Please, Ruth. Sit down. There is something I need to tell you.’ Though after everything that had happened here, he was beginning to think it might be unwise to share his own troubles with her.

      Increasingly unnerved by Tom’s manner, she did as he asked. ‘The boy is a liar,’ she stoutly insisted. ‘The little bastard wanted to make you think I had a man in the bedroom, didn’t he, eh? Well, don’t listen to a word he says. Let me talk to him, and I’ll make him tell you the truth.’

      Realising yet again that the time was not right to reveal his troubles, Tom decided to keep his own counsel.

      ‘Listen to me, Ruth,’ he said firmly instead. ‘I really don’t care whether you had a man in the bedroom or not.’ Reaching into his trouser-pocket, he took out the two keys and threw them onto the table, gratified when she shrank back in shock.

      ‘Whose keys are they? Where did you get them from?’ she asked, trying to regain her composure.

      ‘From the look on your face, you already know whose keys they are,’ Tom retaliated. ‘They belong to your new man friend, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you where I found them.’ He smiled knowingly. ‘I reckon you’d best get these back to him at the first opportunity … before his missus realises they’ve gone missing.’ He spoke in a disarmingly casual manner.

      ‘I’m truly sorry, Tom.’ Ruth feigned a tear. ‘All right! You caught me out, but it’s the first time Len’s been here, and I swear it will never happen again. You have my word on it.’

      ‘I really don’t care what you do any more,’ Tom reminded her. ‘The truth is, he can have you, because once me and Casey have gone from here, we won’t be coming back … ever.’

      Tom was all too aware that in the greater scheme of things, there were other urgent issues they should be discussing. But even now he felt it wasn’t the moment to tell her.

      Today, as always, she had managed to create a situation that prevented him from confiding in her. Instead, he had no option but to make other, drastic plans, with regard to their son.

      He believed that, in view of what had taken place here tonight, he quietly smiled to himself. If he confessed the truth to her, he realised that Ruth would no doubt welcome his news.

      All day, he had been in emotional and physical torment; aching to come home and share his news with her. Instead, he had finally discovered that there was no doubt she felt no love or feeling towards him at all.

      That was a hard and painful thing for him to learn.

      ‘I know I’ve done wrong,’ Ruth persisted lamely, her voice trembling. ‘But you have my word, it won’t happen again. It were Len’s fault. He kept bothering me … coming to the door when he knew you wouldn’t be in. But nothing happened. I would never cheat on you with another man.’ Lies came so easily to her.

      ‘Enough, Ruth, I don’t want to hear any more.’ When she fell silent, Tom went on, his voice cold and unforgiving, ‘I’ve already said, you’re free to go with whichever man takes your fancy, and God only knows there have been enough of them over the years. Fool that I am, I’ve put up with your infidelities for too long, but no more. But all that aside, I won’t stand by while you take your spite out on the boy. That’s all over now.