Daddy. Tuhin Sinha

Tagore, novelist Ramesh Tendulkar and cricketing genius Sachin Tendulkar, and Aamir Khan and his surrogate son Azad Rao Khan.

       Nandaraj & Krishna

      According to Bhagavata Purana, Krishna was born not out of a sexual union, but by a divine ‘transmission’ from the mind of Vasudeva to the womb of Devaki. He was born in a prison during a period of political turbulence in Mathura. King Kansa, Devaki’s brother-had ascended the throne by imprisoning his father King Ugrasena. Afraid of a prophecy that predicted his death at the hands of Devaki’s eighth ‘garbha’, Kansa locked the couple in a prison cell and killed their first six children.

      Krishna narrowly escaped death when he was secretly handed over by Vasudeva to his foster parents, Yashoda and Nandaraj, immediately after his birth. Nanda was the head of a community of cow-herders who belonged to Vrindavana. What fascinates me is the sheer selflessness with which Nanda offered to adopt Krishna and in the process risked his own new-born daughter Yogamaya’s life by handing her over to Vasudeva. He accepted Krishna and raised him with all the love his own father could not provide.

      Scriptures do not delve deep into the motivation behind Nanda’s grand gesture. But what I learnt from the story is that fatherhood is a state of mind. It means protecting a young life from imminent perils and nurturing it to realise its true worth.

       Debendranath Tagore & Rabindranath Tagore

      The seeds of Rabindranath Tagore’s spiritual journey were sown way before he was born. Much of his philosophical bent, which is celebrated worldwide through his poems and prose, came to him as inheritance from his father Debendranath Tagore. Debendranath belonged to an affluent family, but he believed that meditation, prayers and travel accelerated brain development better than knowledge from books. He belonged to the intelligentsia of his days which took great pride in its philosophical leanings. Santiniketan was in fact Debendranath’s discovery and not Rabindranath Tagore’s, as some might believe. Rabindranath further developed his father’s discovery and got it its due recognition.

      As I flip through the pages of Tagore’s autobiography Jiban Smriti, it tells me that if the father connects with his son at a spiritual level, he often creates a legacy which is far greater than material inheritances.

       Ramesh Tendulkar & Sachin Tendulkar

      Ramesh Tendulkar, a respected Marathi novelist, was professionally poles apart from his sportsman son Sachin Tendulkar. However, both the Tendulkars shared a common goal of excellence and hard-earned self-respect. In his book, The Tendulkar Opus, Sachin says, “My father understood exactly how to get the best out of me. He always encouraged me and told my mother that he had full faith in me. It was probably reverse psychology, but as I got older I felt like I could not misuse that trust. He warned me against taking short cuts and told me to just keep playing, despite the ups and downs. My parents taught me that it is important to live every day of your life with grace and honour. When it came to choosing between cricket and going to university, he said, ‘You can play cricket, I know that is your first love, so go for it’.”

      It might not have been easy for an educationist to watch his son put sport over academics, which makes it admirable that he blessed Sachin with his support. Sachin’s achievements are known world over and do not need further mention. From their inspiring story I learnt that a father should be prepared to take risks for his son and back his talent, no matter how unconventional his choices may be.

       Aamir Khan-Azad Rao Khan

      Superstar Aamir Khan and his wife Kiran Rao had their first baby, Azad Rao Khan, through the In vitro fertilisation surrogacy technique. This is an expensive procedure and not every couple having trouble conceiving can afford it. Some, however, have had the good fortune of experiencing parenthood through IVF surrogacy but are too embarrassed to acknowledge it.

      For a public figure like Aamir to make a candid and brave admission set a new precedent of sorts. By attaching his brand value to the procedure, he managed to remove the unpleasantness associated with something that is scientific and healthy. Later, fellow superstar Shah Rukh Khan too followed in his footsteps, using IVF surrogacy for the birth of his third child.

      I credit Aamir and his family for making their new-born a torch-bearer for many such deliveries in the future. His brave move has created for Azad, a path of truth, courage and progression.

      While these are fathers I look up to, there are umpteen examples of dads who have failed their children. They were either found wanting in fulfilling their responsibilities or were outright indifferent to their child’s upbringing. Ironically, Mahatma Gandhi, who is known as the Father of the Nation, wasn’t the best parent to his son Harilal. An article published in The Guardian in 2007 corroborates this. “Mahatma Gandhi once confessed that the greatest regret of his life was that there were two people he had not been able to convince. One was Mohammed Ali Jinnah and the other was his eldest son, Harilal Gandhi,” said the story.

      Gandhi was only 18 when his first son was born. Six months after the birth of Harilal, he left his family in South Africa to train as a barrister in London. Harilal’s early years were marked with complete neglect by his father which reflected in his various complexes and rebellious nature. He spent his life fighting against all that his father stood for and died a pitiable death a few months after his assassination. Did Gandhi get carried away in his exaggerated sense of idealism, making Harilal a victim? Well, the answer to that question will always remain a subject of conjecture.

      German leader Adolf Hitler too had a tempestuous relationship with his father Alois through his growing up years. It is widely believed that Hitler was so terrified of his abusive father that it led to a persecution complex. Sadly, Hitler’s flawed personality resulted in consequences and casualties that impacted an entire generation.

      So I guess it’s safe to say that a dysfunctional father-son relationship can almost never produce healthy or positive personalities. This is where a spiritual connect between the father and son becomes all the more important. A positive father can help his child explore facets of his personality that he would have never imagined existed in him. An aloof one, on the other hand, can end up fuelling unhealthy complexes that inhibit growth and progress.

       Section A

BECOMING DAD

       Chapter 1

       Introduction

       Why I wrote this book

      Once while travelling in a cab with my son Tanish, I observed that our driver kept peeking at us in the rear view mirror. He then began humming a lullaby in a local dialect of Uttar Pradesh to himself. The pain and emotion in his voice was palpable. He later confided that he was missing his son who he had left behind in Allahabad while he worked here in Mumbai. Every year he would take a month off from work to visit his family in Allahabad. That was all the time he could eke out to be with his son. Every time he went home, he saw his son had grown considerably from the last time they met. It saddened him that he had missed out on some of