Fallen Women. Sue Welfare

delicious yella spreadable fat,’ he mugged in a southern-style deep-fried accent.

      ‘Yes, very nice. Now about hair,’ Kate said impatiently, dragging everyone’s attention back to the task in hand.

      ‘Well, I don’t know, do I?’ Joe snapped peevishly. ‘I’m not a bloody expert on cyberdating. What does it for you in the hair department, Chrissie? Bald, a mullet, football boy perm? Early Jon Bon Jovi?’

      Kate glared at him, not that it did a lot of good.

      It was Friday evening in early summer in a semi-detached off a little side street on the Muswell Hill Road. Kate’s home was a mix of tasteful and cosy, cream walls hung with good prints, generous chairs and sofas upholstered in autumnal shades of orange and reds, the whole place dotted with plants. It was a house that encouraged you to lie back and linger

      Tonight the whole place was full of the smell of tikka masala and Bombay potatoes. The supper party was a cheering up, new start, relaxing after a long rough week kind of an evening – or at least that was what Kate had in mind when she’d invited them round.

      The four of them were sprawled around Kate’s office while Kate and Joe’s two boys were watching TV and creaming assorted life forms on the Playstation upstairs.

      Working from home was a mixed blessing. Under normal circumstances the office was the holy of holies. Kate worked very hard to maintain a boundary where domestic life stopped and earning a living began, in case clients thought it implied a lack of professionalism, but tonight, for Chrissie, who was currently getting over some heartless bastard who had cut her up, made her cry and generally messed her around just three short months after being declared Mr Right, she was prepared to make an exception.

      When she wasn’t patching up her best friend’s love life, Kate freelanced for a PR agency, which always sounded glamorous but these days mostly seemed to involve writing advertorials, press releases and recruitment stuff, helping to co-ordinate the odd trade show, and generally keeping her clients out there in the public eye. It paid well enough, though, and meant that Kate had been able to work from home since the boys were small. There were just about enough jollies, freebies and days out to make sure it was, if not exactly exciting, then at least never truly monotonous.

      So, Friday night; Kate was on the computer while in one corner of the office Joe was lolling in her new incredibly uncomfortable ergonomically-designed swivel chair that had cost an arm, a leg and a kidney. Chrissie was grazing through the munchies on top of the filing cabinet, eyes firmly on the screen, while Bill was propped up alongside her drinking a beer.

      Chrissie, still mulling over the hair question, scooped up another handful of Bombay mix. ‘As long as they haven’t got any on the palms of their hands. Oh and no rugs, toupees, knits, weaves, transplants or comb overs either. What’s that?’ She pointed to a box on the screen. She wasn’t wearing her contacts because crying constantly and rubbing her eyes had made them unbearably sore and Chrissie was way too vain to wear her glasses out of the house, which was why Kate was doing the typing.

      ‘It’s a sample ad from the RomanticSouls.com web-site. A little taster of the delights on offer once you’ve signed up. “Adam X is 45, 6′, tanned, with his own business, he likes to work out, eat out, go sailing at weekends and enjoys the theatre. With his own holiday home in the south of France, he’s looking for …”’

      ‘Whoa,’ said Chrissie, grabbing Kate’s arm. ‘That’ll do very nicely, thank you. Can you just wrap him up, pop him in the trolley and lead me to the checkout? Is there a photo? What sizes does he come in?’

      It was funny, or at least they all laughed – all except Joe.

      Before Chrissie had shown up, and Kate was still fluffing the table and sorting the kids out, Joe had come through into the kitchen carrying the wine and a few more beers for the cooler.

      ‘I wish you’d asked me before inviting people round for the evening,’ he said, levering the fridge door open with his foot.

      ‘Oh for God’s sake, they’re not people, they’re Bill and Chrissie.’

      ‘You know what I mean and you know how I feel about Chrissie, Kate. You ought to be doing this computer dating thing when I’m not about. She’s, she’s – Oh, Christ, I don’t know.’

      Kate lifted an eyebrow. ‘What, Joe? A bad influence? Trouble? A nasty rough girl? Why don’t you just spit it out and get it over with?’

      ‘You know that isn’t what I mean – she’s always in debt, credit cards whacked up to the hilt, one man after another. She ought to get herself sorted out. Those boys of hers must wonder what the hell is going on half the time.’

      Kate stared at him in astonishment. ‘The boys are great, Joe, you can’t say that. She’s been through a tough time.’

      ‘Most of which is her own bloody fault.’

      Kate paused, about to leap to Chrissie’s defence, and then considered for a few seconds before nodding. ‘Okay, maybe you’re right, sometimes she does weird stuff and makes bad choices – but it doesn’t matter, she’s still my best friend. Come on, we’re really lucky to have friends living so close –’

      ‘It’s your country roots showing. Kate, getting on with the neighbours is not what Londoners do best,’ Joe sniffed. ‘So, you really think you ought to be doing this?’ He picked up the sheet of paper where Kate had jotted down lonely hearts web-site addresses from an article she’d been reading in the Mail.

      ‘I’m not doing it, Chrissie is.’

      Joe pulled his world famous don’t-prat-with-me face. ‘You know what I’m saying here, Kate. This is like giving a psychopath a loaded gun.’

      At which point the doorbell had rung. Kate went to answer it to get away from Joe, and met Bill and Chrissie standing on the doorstep, each of them clutching a bottle of New World red.

      ‘You’re not trying to fix me up with Bill, are you?’ asked Chrissie suspiciously, eyeing him up and down. He was looking particularly tasty in faded jeans and a black tee-shirt, a well-worn leather jacket hooked on one finger slung over his shoulder.

      Kate grinned, kissing first one and then the other. ‘Good God no, I like you both far too much to inflict you on each other. Come on in. Supper won’t be very long. Joe’ll get you a drink.’ And once he had, they had all crocodiled off to Kate’s office.

      ‘Maybe I should order one as well, get something with a little more get up and go?’ Kate said, throwing Joe a sideways glance. Since they’d arrived he’d been concentrating on playing his guitar, sulking, picking his nose and drinking his beer. Looking up, he grimaced in a way that implied Kate really shouldn’t push her luck.

      ‘Maybe I ought to have a look myself,’ he replied.

      ‘Maybe you should,’ Kate snapped right back. ‘If you think you could find some other mug who’d put up with you.’

      Currently they were slap bang in the middle of one of Joe’s moody tortured artist phases. It was always the same when he’d got a well-paid bread and butter job that he considered a piss-take of his musical talent. Maybe, Kate thought, staring him out, willing him to look away first, under the circumstances it ought to be bread and margarine. But whichever it was he’d given her the whole soulless artless world speech earlier in the day, the one about how great men have always been paid peanuts for artistry and magic and mega-bucks for popsy-pink cute commercial drek. How he was worth more than this creatively, far more. Not that he was planning to turn the margarine commercial down, obviously.

      ‘Can you pair finish your row later?’ snipped Chrissie, ‘I’m famished.’

      ‘Just a couple more questions,’ said Kate

      ‘Age?’

      ‘Over thirty-five and under fifty, own teeth, and nothing that unscrews at night. I’ve only ever sent off for books and CDs, till now,’ Chrissie paused for effect. ‘Do these guys