If I Die in a Combat Zone. Tim O’Brien

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       Epigraph

      lo maggior don che Dio per sua

      larghezza/fesse creando …/ … fu de la volontà la libertate

      THE DIVINE COMEDY

      Par. V, 19 ff.

1 Days

      ‘It’s incredible, it really is, isn’t it? Ever think you’d be humping along some crazy-ass trail like this one, jumping up and down out of the dirt, jumping like a goddamn bullfrog, dodging bullets all day? Don’t know about you, but I sure as hell never thought I’d ever be going on all day like this. Back in Cleveland I’d still be asleep.’ Barney smiled. ‘Jesus, you ever see anything like this?’

      ‘Yesterday,’ I said.

      ‘Yesterday? Shit, yesterday wasn’t nothing like this.’

      ‘Snipers yesterday, snipers today. What’s the difference?’

      ‘Guess so,’ he said. ‘They’ll put holes in your ass either way, right? But shit, yesterday wasn’t nothing like this.’

      ‘Snipers yesterday, snipers today,’ I said again.

      Barney laughed. ‘You don’t like snipers, do you? Yesterday there were snipers, a few of them, but Jesus, today that’s all there is. Can’t wait ’til tonight. My God, tonight will be lovely. They’ll really give us hell. I’m digging me a foxhole like a basement.’

      We lay next to each other until the volley of bullets stopped. We didn’t bother to raise our rifles. We didn’t know which way to shoot, and it was all over anyway.

      Barney picked up his helmet and took out a pencil and put a mark on it. ‘See,’ he said, grinning and showing me ten marks, ‘that’s ten times today. Count them – one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, TEN! Ever been shot at ten times in one day?’

      ‘Yesterday,’ I said. ‘And the day before that and the day before that.’

      ‘Oh, it’s been worse today.’

      ‘Did you count yesterday?’

      ‘No. Didn’t think of it until today. That proves today’s worse.’

      ‘Well, you should have counted yesterday.’

      ‘Jesus,’ Barney said. ‘Get off your ass, let’s get going. Company’s moving out.’ Barney put his pencil away and jumped up like a jumping jack, a little kid on a pogo stick, then he pulled me by the hand.

      I walked a few steps in back of him. ‘You’re the optimistic sort, aren’t you, Barney? This crap doesn’t get you down.’

      ‘Can’t let it get you down,’ he said. ‘That’s how GIs get wasted.’

      ‘What time is it?’

      ‘I guess about four, judging by the sun.’

      ‘Good.’

      ‘What’s good about four, you getting tired? I’ll carry some of that stuff for you.’

      ‘No, it’s okay. We should stop soon. I’ll help you dig that basement.’

      A shrill sound, like a woman shrieking, sizzled past our ears, carried on a waft of the day’s air.

      ‘Jesus Christ almighty,’ Barney shouted, already flat on his belly.

      ‘Jesus Christ almighty,’ I said, kneeling beside him.

      ‘You okay?’

      ‘I guess. You okay?’

      ‘Yeah. They were aiming at us that time, I swear. You and me.’

      ‘They know who’s after them,’ I said. ‘You and me.’

      He giggled. ‘Sure, we’d give ’em hell, wouldn’t we. Strangle the little pricks.’

      ‘Let’s go, that wasn’t worth stopping for.’

      The trail linked a cluster of hamlets together, little villages to the north and west of the Bantangan Peninsula. It was a fairly wide and flat trail, but it made dangerous slow curves and was flanked by impenetrable brush. Because two squads moved through the tangle on either side of us, protecting the flanks from close-in ambushes, the company moved slowly.

      ‘Captain says we’re gonna search one more ville today,’ Barney said.

      ‘What’s he expect to find? Whoever’s there will be gone long before we come.’

      Barney shrugged, walking steadily and not looking back.

      ‘Well, what does he expect to find? Christ, Charlie knows where we are, he’s been shooting us up all day.’

      ‘Don’t know,’ Barney said. ‘Maybe we’ll surprise him.’

      ‘Who?’

      ‘Charlie. Maybe we’ll surprise him this time.’

      ‘Are you kidding me, Barney?’

      He shrugged and chuckled. ‘I don’t know. I’m getting tired myself. Maybe we’ll surprise Charlie because he’s getting tired, too.’

      ‘Tired,’ I muttered. Wear the yellow bastards down, right?

      ‘Actually, this trail seems pretty good. Don’t you think? Been on it all day and not a single mine, not a sign of one.’

      ‘Good reason to get the hell off it,’ I said.

      ‘What’s the matter, you want to be the one to find a mine?’

      ‘No, I didn’t mean that.’

      ‘Well, it’s a damn good trail around here if you don’t hit a mine.’

      ‘It means we’ll find one sooner or later. Especially with Charlie all over the place.’

      The company stopped moving. The captain walked to the front of the column, talked with a lieutenant and moved back. He asked for the radio handset, and I listened while he called battalion headquarters and told them we’d found the village and were about to cordon and search it. Then the platoons separated into their own little columns and walked into the brush.

      ‘What’s the name of this goddamn place?’ Barney asked.

      ‘I don’t know. I never thought of that. Nobody thinks of the names for these places.’

      ‘I know. It’s funny, isn’t it? Somebody’s gonna ask me someday where the hell I was over here, where the bad fighting was, and, shit, what will I say?’

      ‘Tell them St Vith,’ I said.

      ‘What? That’s the name of this fucking place?’

      ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘That’s the name of it. It’s here on the map. Do you want to look at it?’

      He grinned. ‘What’s the difference, huh? You say St Vith, I guess that’s it. I’ll never remember. How long’s it gonna take me to forget your name?’

      The captain walked over and sat down with us, and we smoked and waited for the platoons to fan out around the village.

      ‘This