Billionaire Boy. David Walliams

      David Walliams

      Billionaire

       Boy

      Illustrated by Tony Ross

      

       Copyright

      HarperCollins Children’s Books An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF

      Text © David Walliams 2010

       Illustrations © Tony Ross 2010 Cover lettering of author’s name Copyright © Quentin Blake 2010

      David Walliams and Tony Ross assert the moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work

      All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

      Source ISBN: 9780007371051

      Ebook Edition © JULY 2013 ISBN: 9780007371433 Version: 2017-01-31

       HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.

       Dedication

      Voor Lara, Ik hou meer van je, dan ik met woorden kan zeggen

      Contents

       Cover

       Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

      

Chapter 1 - Meet Joe Spud

Chapter 2 - Bum Boy

Chapter 3 - Who’s the Fattiest?

Chapter 4 - “Loo Rolls?”

Chapter 5 - Out of Date Easter Eggs

      Chapter 6 - The Grubbs

      Chapter 7 - Gerbils on Toast

      Chapter 8 - The Witch

      Chapter 9 - “Finger?”

      Chapter 10 - Dog Spit

      Chapter 11 - Camping Holiday

      Chapter 12 - Page 3 Stunna

      Chapter 13 - New Girl

      Chapter 14 - The Shape of a Kiss

      Chapter 15 - Nip and Tuck

      Chapter 16 - Peter Bread

      Chapter 17 - A Knock on the Toilet Door

      Chapter 18 - The Vortex 3000

      Chapter 19 - A Baboon’s Bottom

      Chapter 20 - A Beach Ball Rolled in Hair

      Chapter 21 - A GCSE in Make-Up

      Chapter 22 - A New Chapter

      Chapter 23 - Canal Boat Weekly

      Chapter 24 - The Rajmobile

      Chapter 25 - Broken

      Chapter 26 - A Blizzard of Banknotes

      

       Postscript

       Thank yous

       About the Author

       About the Publisher

       Chapter 1 Meet Joe Spud

      Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a million pounds?

      Or a billion?

      How about a trillion?

      Or even a gazillion?

      Meet Joe Spud.

      Joe didn’t have to imagine what it would be like to have loads and loads and loads of money. He was only twelve, but he was ridiculously, preposterously rich.

      Joe had everything he could ever want.

       100-inch plasma widescreen flat-screen high-definition TV in every room in the house

       500 pairs of Nike trainers

       A grand-prix racetrack in the back garden

       A robot dog from Japan

       A golf buggy with the number plate ‘SPUD 2’ to drive around the grounds of his house

       A waterslide which went from his bedroom into an indoor Olympic-sized swimming pool

       Every computer game in the world

       3-D IMAX cinema in the basement

       A crocodile

       24-hour personal masseuse

       Underground 10-lane bowling alley

       Snooker table

       Popcorn dispenser

       Skateboard park

       Another crocodile

       £100,000 a week pocket money

       A rollercoaster in the back garden

       A professional recording studio in the attic

       Personalised football coaching from the England team

       A real-life shark in a tank

      In short, Joe was one horribly spoilt kid. He went to a ridiculously posh school. He flew on private planes whenever he went on holiday. Once, he even had Disneyworld closed for the day, just so he wouldn’t have to queue for any rides.

      Here’s Joe. Speeding around his own private racetrack in his own Formula One racing car.

      Some very rich children have miniature versions of cars specially built for them. Joe wasn’t one of those children. Joe needed his Formula One car made a bit bigger. He was quite fat, you see. Well, you would be, wouldn’t you? If you could buy all the chocolate in the world.

      You will have noticed that Joe is on his