The Complete Parenting Collection. Steve Biddulph

testosterone affects the psychology of males can be illustrated by a famous study. A tribe of monkeys in a laboratory was closely observed to learn about its social structure. Researchers found that the male monkeys had a definite hierarchy, or pecking order. The females’ hierarchy was looser and more relaxed, based on who groomed whose hair! But the males always knew who was boss, sub-boss, and sub-sub-boss, and had frequent fights to prove it.

      Once the researchers had worked out the monkey dynamics, they set about stirring up trouble. They captured the lowest-ranking male monkey and gave him an injection of testosterone. Then they put him back with the tribe. You can guess what happened next. He started a boxing match with his ‘immediate superior’. Much to his own surprise, he won! So he went and took on the next monkey! Within twenty minutes he had worked his way up to the top and tossed the biggest monkey off the highest branch. Our hero was small, but he had testosterone! He became the ‘acting manager’.

      Sadly for him, this was not to last. The injection soon wore off, and our little hero was knocked back all the way down to the bottom of the heap. It’s a lot like politics!

      The point is that testosterone influences the brain and makes boys more concerned with rank and competition.

      Boys need order

      In their book, Raising a Son, Don and Jeanne Elium tell the story of an old scoutmaster who comes and sorts out a hopelessly rowdy scout troop in their city. This is the ‘scout troop from hell’: the boys are always fighting and damaging the hall, nothing is being learnt, and many gentler boys have left. It’s time for a clean sweep. On his first night with the troop, the scoutmaster sets some rules, invites a couple of boys to shape up or leave, brings in a clear structure, and begins teaching skills in an organised way. He successfully turns the group around: in a couple of months it is thriving.

      The scoutmaster explained to the Eliums that, in his experience, there are three things boys always need to know:

      1. Who’s in charge?

      2. What are the rules?

      3. Will those rules be fairly applied?

      The key word is structure

      Boys feel insecure and in danger if there isn’t enough structure in a situation. If no-one is in charge, they begin jostling with each other to establish a pecking order. Their testosterone-driven make-up leads them to want to set up hierarchies, but they can’t always do so because they are all the same age. If we provide structure, then they can relax. For girls, this is not so much of a problem.

      Many years ago I spent time in the slums of Calcutta to learn about families there. At first glance, Calcutta seemed chaotic and frightening. In fact, though, there were ganglords and neighbourhood hierarchies – and these, for better or worse, provided a structure for people to live their lives. You were safer with a structure – even a mafialike structure – than with none. As a better structure was provided by religious or community leaders who were trustworthy and competent, life improved. Wherever you see a gang of boys looking unruly, you know the adult leadership is failing. Boys form gangs for survival – it’s their attempt to have a sense of belonging, order and safety.

      Boys act tough to cover up their fear. If someone is clearly the boss, they relax. But the boss must not be erratic or punitive. If the person in charge is a bully, the boys’ stress levels rise and it’s back to the law of the jungle. If the teacher, scoutmaster or parent is kind and fair (as well as being strict), then boys will drop their ‘macho’ act and get on with learning.

      This seems to be an in-built gender difference. If girls are anxious in a group setting they tend to cower and be quiet, whereas boys respond by running about and making a lot of noise. This has been mistakenly seen as boys ‘dominating the space’ in preschools, and so on. However, it is actually an anxiety response. Schools which are very good at engaging boys in interesting and concrete activities (such as Montessori schools, where there is a lot of structural work with blocks, shapes, beads and so on) do not experience this gender difference in children’s behaviour.

      Not everyone accepts that hormones affect boys’ behaviour. Some feminist biologists have argued that men have testosterone through conditioning – that it comes from being raised that way. There is actually a partial truth in this: one study found that boys in scary or violent school environments produced more testosterone. When the same school introduced a more supportive environment – where teachers did not abuse or threaten, where bullying was tackled with special programs – the boys’ levels of testosterone dropped measurably. So environment and biology both play a part, but environment only influences the hormone. Nature – and boys’ inbuilt calendar – creates it. Success with boys means accepting their nature while directing it in good ways. If you know what you are dealing with, it’s a whole lot easier and you don’t need to blame anyone – just help them find a better way.

       PRACTICAL HELP

      AMAZING TESTOSTERONE FACTS

       In the animal kingdom, one kind of hyena – the spotted hyena – is born with so much testosterone that even the female pups have a pseudo penis and their labia resemble testicles. The pups are born with a full set of teeth, and are so aggressive that they often eat each other within a day or two of being born!

       In a rare condition of boy babies, which is found in the Dominican Republic, testosterone does not take effect in the womb because of a missing enzyme. These boys are born without a penis or testicles – looking in fact more like girls, and raised as such. But at about twelve years of age, testosterone is produced in their body and the boys suddenly develop into ‘real’ boys, growing a penis and testicles, getting a deep voice, and so on. They apparently then live normal lives as men. They are known as ‘penis at twelve’ children.

       A condition called Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia can give girls excess testosterone in the womb, but this is remedied once the child is born. Although they are hormonally normal from then on, these girls show above-average athletic skills, as well as a preference for male playmates, toy cars and guns, and ‘masculine’ clothes.

       An excess sensitivity to testosterone, or an excess of it, has been linked significantly to mathematical ability, left-handedness and a very high incidence of asthma and allergies.

       Estrogen – the female counterbalancing hormone to testosterone – has been shown to cause nerve cells to grow more connections. Females have smaller brains, but these are better connected!

       Baritone singers in Welsh choirs have more testosterone than tenor singers. Baritones are also more sexually active!

       Making love raises your testosterone level. The more you get, the more you want – at least for a couple of days! Winning at sport or politics also raises your testosterone level. Stress and loneliness lower it: they lead to more estrogen being produced so you can cope like a woman!

       One final testosterone fact – perhaps the most amazing of all – illustrates the intricate dance between biology and behaviour in the development of higher animals. Are you ready? Here goes …

      Mother rats frequently lick the genitals of their male babies, and this helps the latter’s brains to become fully male. And guess what? It’s the presence of testosterone in the urine of the baby male rats that seems to trigger the behaviour. If