The Missing Marriage. Sarah May

Vauxhall accelerated past Jamie Deane’s parked van and Mo’s daughter, Leanne, standing with her arms folded on the pavement outside the shop. Behind her, Kayleigh was pressing a tongue dyed red with lolly against the glass.

      Jamie wound the van’s window down. ‘Has he gone?’

      ‘Yeah – he’s gone.’

      ‘Get me a pasty.’

      Leanne turned and walked automatically back into the shop, taking a pasty past its sell by date from the cold cabinet.

      Jamie took it from her then put the van into gear without another word, without so much as even looking at her.

      She stood on the pavement and watched him turn into Armstrong Crescent, her heart breaking.

      *

      ‘What was he doing here?’ Jamie yelled at Bobby, his mouth full of pasty, staring at the Inspector’s card. He’d already been in the kitchen, and the stuff in there was untouched. ‘I can’t believe you let that bastard in here. Him!’ he cried out, in frustration.

      He knew that losing patience didn’t work, but he hadn’t yet discovered what did so in the meantime he carried on yelling at Bobby Deane who’d just had time – following the Inspector’s departure – to walk into the hallway in search of a staircase that didn’t exist in order to go upstairs to a bedroom that also no longer existed.

      Perplexed at being unable to find any stairs at all, Bobby had gone back into the lounge and sat down in the armchair again when he heard the front door opening. The next minute a man walked into the room who he briefly recognised as one of his sons – he just couldn’t remember which, and had no idea what his name was.

      Then his son started yelling at him and then he stamped on his left foot, which was bare still, and the pain was such a shock to Bobby it blocked out the yelling for a while.

      He became confused and as a result of this confusion, Jamie and the bungalow slipped entirely from his mind as he fell into a profound sense of unfamiliarity, which made him panic and want to leave the chair he was sitting in and go in search of the stairs again. If he could only find the stairs, he’d be able to find Rachel.

      Rachel was upstairs waiting for him; she had something to give him – a flower – and the flower was beginning to wilt; it needed water.

      He tried to get up, but was pushed back down.

      After that, he kept his eyes on the man pacing in front of him.

      There was a dense pain in his left foot that made him feel helpless – then he remembered, momentarily. ‘I told him Rachel would be back soon – that she’d know where Bryan was.’

      Jamie stared at his father. ‘Bryan? It was nothing to do with me then?’

      ‘Who are you?’ Bobby said, managing to get to his feet at last, in spite of the pain, and shuffling to the window.

      ‘I’m your son, you stupid fuck – your son, Jamie.’ He let out a few brief, frustrated sobs. ‘And I did twenty years for you. Twenty years – and you’ve got no idea who the fuck I am.’ He put his hand over his face.

      Bobby, who was looking out the window, said, ‘He’s gone.’

      ‘Who’s gone you daft fucker?’

      ‘Our Bryan was parked outside. I thought maybe he’d come to take me for a drive up the coast – I haven’t seen the sea in a while – but he never came in. Why didn’t he come in?’ Bobby appealed briefly to Jamie, who was now smoking one of the Bensons he’d taken from the shop. ‘Can I have one?’

      ‘No,’ Jamie yelled. Then, ‘I don’t fucking believe this. Twenty years and it’s still Bryan. Bryan.’

      Bobby looked down at the windowsill where there was a spider’s web flecked with flies. ‘Are you looking for Bryan too?’

      ‘Why would I be looking for Bryan?’

      ‘He’s gone missing.’

      ‘Bryan?’

      ‘Bryan. The police are looking for him.’

      Bobby turned back to the window, distracted by a woman next door who looked vaguely familiar, wheeling her bin out onto the pavement. The bin had the number eight painted on it, in white. Bobby wondered about the number and the woman, who was staring at him and who looked like she had a freshly pruned rose bush up her arse.

      Laughing quietly to himself, he waved, but she didn’t wave back.

      In fact, she almost ran back up the garden to her front door.

      Still laughing, Bobby mumbled, ‘That’s it – piss off back to where you came from.’ Then, turning away from the window and seeing a man standing in the room behind him, smoking – who he was sure hadn’t been standing there earlier – he said again, ‘Can I have one?’

      ‘Give over.’ Jamie threw the cigarette into the fireplace’s empty grate.

      Bobby followed its course through the air and into the grate, waiting.

      When the man left the room, he called out, ‘Where are you going? I’m hungry.’

      He followed him out into the hallway, desperately trying to think of a way to make him stay, suddenly terrified at the thought of being left alone. ‘I’m hungry,’ he said again.

      Jamie paused at the front door, leaning back against the wall and accidentally turning the light switch on. He seemed preoccupied – bored, even.

      Bobby was fiddling with the zip on his Texaco anorak, wondering where the door in front of him led to.

      ‘You already ate,’ Jamie said. ‘When?’

      ‘Just now. Can’t you smell it still?’

      Looking around him, Bobby gave the air a quick sniff. ‘What did I eat?’

      ‘Sunday roast – the full works . . . beef . . . yorkshires . . . roast potatoes.’ Jamie belched. ‘Excuse me.’

      ‘My stomach feels tight.’

      ‘Cause you stuffed yourself silly, that’s why.’

      ‘But, I’m still hungry.’ Bobby was starting to panic again now. ‘Is it Sunday?’

      Jamie pulled open the front door and Bobby saw the crescent of bungalows curving round the green. In the centre of the green there was a yellow bin, lying on its side. It looked like somebody had tried to set fire to it. Tilting his head slightly, which hurt, he could just make out the words Wansbeck Council.

      ‘The man who was here,’ he called out, suddenly, ‘he was Laviolette’s boy. That’s who he was,’ Bobby declared, his voice triumphant.

      Jamie walked back towards him. ‘I don’t know what you’re sounding so pleased about. I don’t know how you can even bear to say that man’s name.’

      ‘I used to sing with Laviolette in the colliery choir – the Ashington Male Voice Choir. We went to Germany together with the choir.’

      ‘And what else, dad? What else did you do? You don’t even remember, do you?’

      Jamie slammed him hard against the wall – the crown of his head catching the bottom of the electric meter.

      Bobby, slumped against the wall, shook his head.

      ‘Mum. D’you remember her?’

      Bobby fought hard to catch at something flitting round inside his head; he shut his eyes and pushed his hand out to take hold of the flower proffered. ‘Red carnations,’ he gasped. ‘The women were in the pit yard, waiting for us. They gave us flowers – carnations for heroes – to take the hurt out of having to go back after the Strike.’ He shook his head sadly, the clarity and sharpness of the women’s faces he’d summoned, already fading. ‘But there were no heroes by then – everything