His Lordship's Desire. Joan Wolf

life as a soldier as he had expected to be. Perversely, this made her glad.

      “I expect being in a battle wasn’t much fun,” she said.

      “No.” His voice was clipped.

      They walked in silence for a while. Then Alex turned to her. “Dee, is it really too late for us? Can’t we start over again? I know you have a right to be angry with me. But I love you. I have always loved you. I don’t want you to marry another man, I want you to marry me. Will you at least consider that?”

      She returned his look, her brown eyes grave in her exquisite face. “It’s too late,” she said. “The feelings I had for you are gone.”

      His mouth set in a grim line. “I don’t believe that. I can’t believe it.”

      A bird flew close to Monty’s head and he sidled a little. “It’s true,” she lied. “Something in me died when you left, Alex. For a long time I was very angry with you, but now that you’re back even my anger is gone. We’re finished. That’s all there is to it. I’m sorry.”

      He said, “Get off that horse and kiss me, Dee, and then tell me you have no feelings left for me.”

      She raised her chin and stared ahead. “I have no intention of kissing you! You lost your rights to my kisses a long time ago.” She fought to compose herself. “We might start to trot. The horses have caught their breath.”

      She started Monty going briskly forward, eager to end their conversation. After a moment, Alex followed.

      Seven

      Diana parted with Alex in the stable yard and went up to the house. Her mother, Lady Standish and Sally were at breakfast and she joined them. Their conversation revolved around what they would do today and about the coming evening at Almack’s. Shortly after, Alex came in. Diana ate her breakfast and never looked at him.

      After breakfast, Diana went up to her room to change out of her riding clothes. She was upset about her discussion with Alex and after she took off her boots and her habit, she put on a wrapper and went to lie on the bed, staring up at the blue draperies that surrounded her.

      He wanted to marry her. In so many ways, that would be the perfect solution to her future. To live at Standish Court which she loved so much…to raise her children there…

      But she couldn’t marry him. She carried too much pain. Her mind shied away at the thought of that pain and what had caused it. Better not to dwell on it, she told herself. Better to try to put Alex behind me and go on with my life.

      But the past intruded upon her well intentioned plan and, against her will, her mind traveled back in time to when she was fifteen years old and she and Alex had been riding their horses in the park in the early morning. They had dismounted by the lake to give the horses a chance to drink and as they stood there a deer came down to the other side of the lake. It had been summer, and the air was soft and gentle. At the sight of the lovely animal, Diana had felt something stir inside of her, and, instinctively, she had turned to Alex.

      He was looking at her. “You are so beautiful, Dee,” he said. His light eyes had darkened slightly and his voice was a little unsteady. Slowly his head bent toward hers and she had lifted her face. For the first time, their lips had met.

      They had kissed gently, tentatively, then Alex’s mouth had hardened and he had put his arms around her. She had leaned against him and kissed him back. When finally he raised his head, they both were breathing quickly.

      “Oh, Dee,” he said shakily. “Oh, Dee.”

      She didn’t know what to say. They had been friends for so many years. But this was something new.

      “What does this mean?” she asked.

      “I think it means we love each other,” he had returned.

      She thought for a moment, and then she had nodded. “Yes,” she had said. “I think it means that, too.”

      She lay now on her bed, her eyes closed, and remembered that first kiss. She would remember it for as long as she lived. She would remember the look in Alex’s eyes, she would remember how his hard, young body had felt against hers.

      She shut her eyes very tightly and willed the memory to go away. It was futile to dwell on the past. Alex hadn’t really loved her—or he hadn’t loved her enough. That was what she had to remember.

      I am starting a new life tonight, she thought. That is what I must concentrate on.

      That evening Diana, her mother and the rest of the Standishes prepared to leave Standish House to go to the famous Almack’s Assembly Rooms on King Street. Alex was waiting at the foot of the stairs as Diana and Sally came down, and Diana thought he looked splendid in the evening dress that was demanded for entrance to the club: knee breeches, a white neck cloth and black dress coat with long tails. Diana herself wore a white gown over a sea green slip. Her glorious red-gold hair was caught behind her ears with pearl-studded combs and her jewelry was a simple pearl necklace and matching earrings.

      Sally was similarly attired in her usual blue, with a diamond around her throat and diamond studs in her ears. She looked utterly sweet and lovely.

      The two older women wore silk gowns, Mrs. Sherwood in a smoky gray and Lady Standish in dark gold.

      They all got into the Standish coach, with the earl’s coat of arms painted on its door, and the horses began their route through the city streets. Diana didn’t know what she had been expecting but it was certainly something grander than the simple building with undistinguished brickwork that the carriage drew up before. Everyone got out and Alex escorted his mother and Mrs. Sherwood to the front door, with the girls bringing up the rear. At the door they presented their vouchers and were admitted into the inner sanctum of society’s self-described “marriage mart.”

      “It looks terribly plain,” Sally whispered to Diana as they went up the stairs to the main floor. There was no architectural interest about the ballroom at all. It was just a big room with a bad floor, but it was crowded with the highest members of London society, all dressed in their finest clothes. The scent of mingling perfumes rose to Diana’s nostrils as she stood there, her chest feeling tight under her lovely gown.

      Music was playing and the dance floor was filled with dancers. Alex steered his mother and Mrs. Sherwood around the edges of the floor, and Diana saw that he was heading toward Lady Jersey, who was enthroned amidst the rest of the patronesses as they kept an eagle eye on what was transpiring before them.

      The patronesses shifted their gaze to the Standish party and sat silently as Lady Jersey greeted them and then turned to introduce them. Of the six other patronesses of Almack’s, only Lady Castlereagh, Lady Cowper and Mrs. Drummond Burrell were present that evening and they smiled warmly upon Alex, Lady Standish and Sally. The smiles were less warm as they greeted Mrs. Sherwood and Diana.

      The music stopped and the dancers began to stream off the floor. Lady Jersey motioned to a tall, willowy young man, who obediently came to her side and was presented to them as Viscount Althorpe. Lady Jersey said, “I thought you might enjoy a dance with Lady Sarah Standish, Althorpe. She is newly come to town and doesn’t know anyone yet.”

      The young man beamed and turned to Sally with alacrity. The dancers were forming up for the next dance and the two of them moved off together. Diana felt a moment of panic, but then she felt Alex taking her hand. “Come along, Dee. You’ve come here to dance, after all.”

      Lady Standish and Mrs. Sherwood moved off to join the rows of chaperones and Diana went with Alex. As they walked away she heard the cool, aristocratic tones of Mrs. Drummond Burrell say to Lady Jersey, “Really, Sally, whatever possessed you to give vouchers to the Sherwoods?”

      Diana stiffened.

      Alex said, “Nasty old cat. Don’t pay any mind to her, Dee. You fit in here just fine.”

      Diana and Alex took their places in the line and the