Real Confidence. Magazine Psychologies

of the problems with defining confidence is that because it’s complex, identifying it in others is not straightforward. It’s tempting to assume that anyone who appears fearless is confident. But would they describe themselves as such?

      CONFIDENCE IS IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER

      “ When we are confident in doing something, it tends to be afterwards that we realize this. That’s when we say WOW I really did that, I was confident. ”

Niki Flacks, acting coach, psychologist, therapist

      We may think performers are the people who personify confidence because they put themselves up in front of an audience with the fear of forgetting what they have memorized and the risk of negative responses. Yet former Broadway actress Niki Flacks points out that actors on stage can be having a wonderful time, but feel awful backstage. They may have been shaking with nerves and pacing up and down to the toilet beforehand, but then they step on stage relaxed and forget their nerves.

      The reason for this, as Flacks explains, is that when people are doing in the moment they are not thinking confident, and this is exactly the case with actors and other performers on stage. It’s important to remember that the same applies to many situations where you would like to acquire confidence. You might be admiring the colleague who is great at business pitches, or the friend who cooks gourmet dinners for large groups, but they may not be thinking of themselves as confident. They might have had a lot of practice (in turn, gaining a huge amount of knowledge), and love what they do. They too might still have a flurry of nerves before a business presentation, or before 20 people arrive for dinner. The point is you don’t have to wait for that magical day to feel confident to do what you dream of. Simply try to do it, and the magic will follow.

      

PAY ATTENTION TO NATURE

      When you’re feeling less than good about yourself, one of the easiest ways to take the negative focus away is to target your thoughts at nature. Simply noticing the flowers blooming in your pot plant, the changing colours of the leaves on the trees in your street, the smell of freshness after the rain, can begin to transform your outlook.

      Is there a park near your workplace or home? Can you walk home from work via parks and canals and leafy back streets? Can you go on daytrips at the weekend somewhere not too far but wild and wonderful? Is there a beach where you can walk on the sand or the pebbles? Walking outside surrounded by nature will help you feel alive in your body, and that will boost your mood no end.