The Power of Nice. Barshefsky Charlene

results, achieve more of your goals, and build longer-term relationships with even greater returns.

      The Power of Nice Philosophy

      The way to get what you want is to help the other side get what they want.

      Your First Deal

      What matters in negotiation is results. Everything else is decoration. To get results you must have parties who want to make a deal, each of whom has something to gain. Never forget, everyone who sits down at a negotiating table is there for one simple reason: They want something the other side has.

      You picked up this book, so you must feel you have something to gain. As authors, we have already gained by making the book sale. So, have we won and you lost? Hardly. As you'll learn, we don't want a one-time deal; we want an ongoing relationship (your recommendation of our book to others, visiting our website, attending our programs, and buying our next print or digital book). You don't want a one-time deal, either. You want to learn to negotiate every deal well. Therefore, reader and authors have a common interest (another point I'll be making later) and that is to make you a better negotiator.

      To achieve that end, we each have to make a commitment. Yours is to answer two questions with complete candor (even if it hurts). Ours is to deliver on four objectives that will make you an effective negotiator.

      1. What negotiation have you handled recently that has not gone or is not going well? [Remember what I said about candor. Write out your answer and then show it to someone you can't fool (husband, wife, partner, friend, boss, client, mother)]

      2. What would you like to be able to do differently after reading this book? (Be realistic, but aim high.)

      Write down your answers and save them. You're going to want to look back at them at the end of the book.

      Robert Mankoff © 1988 from The New Yorker Collection. All Rights Reserved.

      Four Objectives You Can Expect

      1. Displaying Confidence.

      The most effective negotiators tend to be the most confident negotiators. Conversely, negotiators who are less confident are less effective. So, how do you get confidence and become a better negotiator? Get smart.

      Lack of confidence is mostly lack of knowledge. Knowledge is power. You will be armed with the knowledge it takes to deal from strength. You won't be cocky; you'll be confident. The former is imitating someone who knows what he's doing; the latter is the person who the cocky person is imitating.

      2. Achieving WIN–win.

      Today, everybody talks about win–win negotiation. Both sides win. Both get what they want. Both are equally happy. How delightful. How unrealistic.

      If we negotiators were seeking truly equal terms and deals, like King Solomon, we'd simply divide everything in half. In reality, we're out to achieve all (or most) of our goals, to make our most desirable deal. But the best way to do so is to let the other side achieve some of their goals, to make their acceptable deal. That's WIN–win: maximize your win, but don't forget theirs.

      The most common approach to dealmaking is I Win–You Lose, the pound-of-flesh school – the only good deal for me is a bad deal for you. The unfortunate fate of too many negotiations is:

      We both lose or

      If I can't win, nobody can.

      We'll show you how to avoid both of these negative categories.

      3. Using the 3 Ps.

      There's an old saying, “If all you have in your toolbox is a hammer, then every problem looks like a nail.” The same holds true for negotiation. More tools enable you to solve more problems. Better tools enable you to find longer lasting, more enriching solutions. Prepare, Probe, and Propose are the first of the tools that we'll put in your negotiator's toolbox.

      There is no secret formula that will enable you to get what you want every time you negotiate. But we have created a systematic approach– a step-by-step program – that, if repeated and mastered, will maximize your results. Like all good systems, this one is simple:

      Prepare, Probe, and Propose.

      That's it. Close the book, you've learned it. Well, it's not quite that simple. We'll show you how to prepare better than the other side; how to probe so you know what they want and why; and how to propose without going first and revealing too much, to avoid impasses or getting backed into a corner, but still achieving what you want. As you'll see, negotiation is a process, not an event.

      4. Handling Tough Negotiations.

      Welcome to the real world of dealmaking. Unfortunately, it's full of tough negotiators and tough negotiations. Some people think you have to be a bad guy to be a good negotiator. So, they act the part. Some aren't really so awful but have to answer to an awful boss who demands that they act the part. Sometimes, the negotiation itself may be brutal. The time, terms, or goals may be so difficult to meet that the process turns loathsome, even if the person opposite you isn't.

      The tools in your negotiator's toolbox will enable you to deal with the toughest people and situations, from neutralizing animosity, to breaking deadlocks, to knowing when the best deal is no deal. You'll learn how to out-negotiate the bad guys without becoming one of them.

      One more thing: If you've been around sports long enough, you know the value of a good pep talk – whether it's Herb Brooks talking to the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team – the “miracle on ice,” Gene Hackman as the coach in Hoosiers, Babe Ruth talking to a sick kid in the hospital, or Pat O'Brien invoking the memory of the Gipper (Ronald Reagan in his second-most-famous role) in Knute Rockne, All American. It can make players play harder, forget their shortcomings, and literally change the fate of the game. This pep talk isn't just about getting your adrenaline going; it's about putting PEP into learning the lessons of negotiation.

      PEP

      Participate Be open to change. Read. Reread. Question.

      Engage Throw yourself into this endeavor. Challenge yourself.

      Personalize Relate what you learn to your career and your life.

      If you read this book passively, you'll be cheating yourself. If you Participate, Engage, and Personalize you'll become a better negotiator, faster. Do the exercises in the book; ask others to help you practice; role play. Don't skip over parts you find difficult or unpleasant.

      What I hear, I forget. What I read, I remember. What I do, I understand.

– Confucius

      No, this isn't a normal textbook approach. But that's the point. To be more effective in negotiation, you have to stop using the same old “normal” approach. To harness the Power of Nice, you have to want change, accept change, and throw yourself into that change. The results will be worth it.

      What Negotiation Isn't

      People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes.

– Abigail Van Buren

      Think of the word “negotiation.” Quick, what images come to mind? Conflict? Confrontation? Battle? War? Or maybe: Debate? Logic? Science?

      These are common interpretations that have fueled the negative approach to negotiation and are dead wrong.

      Contrary to the fictionalized, Hollywood-ized, and ripped-from-the-headlines versions of larger-than-life moguls and the big-bucks business world that, up to a point, never seem to lose, from the investment bankers in Barbarians at the Gate, to Gordon Gekko in Wall Street, to Lehman Brothers in Too Big to Fail, to Jordan Belfort in The Wolf of Wall Street– dealmaking shouldn't be a stare-down in a stud poker game, a shoot-out at the O.K. Corral, hand-to-hand combat, a high-tech military maneuver,