English Grammar For Dummies. Woods Geraldine

all the rules that English teachers love. It’s the language of I know you and you know me and we can relax together. In friendspeak, the speakers are on the same level. They have nothing to prove to each other, and they’re comfortable with each other’s mistakes. In fact, they make some mistakes on purpose, just to distinguish their personal conversation from what they say on other occasions. Here’s a conversation in friendspeak:

      Me and him are going to the gym. Wanna come?

      He’s like, I did 60 push-ups, and I'm like, no way.

      I doubt that the preceding conversation makes sense to many people, but the participants understand it quite well. Because they both know the whole situation (the guy they’re talking about gets muscle cramps after 4 seconds of exercise), they can talk in shorthand. They can write in shorthand, too, in texts such as c u in caf (which means “see you in the cafeteria”), tweets, instant messages, and similar communications between close friends.

      For the most part, I don’t deal with friendspeak in this book. You already know it. In fact, you’ve probably created a version of it with anyone who’s your bff (best friend forever). In Chapter 16, I do explain some factors you should consider when you’re writing online – to your friends or to anyone else.

      FLEEK GRAMMAR

      Want to be in the in-crowd? Easy. Just create an out-crowd and you’re all set. How do you create an out-crowd? Manufacture a special language (slang) with your friends that no one else understands, at least until the media picks it up or someone earjacks you. (Earjack is slang for “secretly listen to.”) Slang is the ultimate friendspeak. You and your pals are on the inside, talking about a sketchy neighborhood (sketchy means “dangerous”). Everyone else is on the outside, wondering what fleek (awesome, exactly right) means. Should you use slang in your writing? Probably not, unless you’re dealing with a good friend. The goal of writing and speaking is communication, and slang may be a mystery to your intended audience. Also, because slang changes quickly, even a short time after you’ve written something, the meaning may be obscure. Instead of cutting-edge, you sound dated.

      When you talk or write in slang, you also risk sounding uneducated. In fact, sometimes breaking the usual rules is the point of slang. In general, you should make sure that your readers know that you understand the rules before you start breaking them (the rules, not the readers) safely.

Do you feel like getting a sandwich? Conversational English

      A step up from friendspeak is conversational English. Although not quite friendspeak, conversational English includes some warmth and informality. Conversational English doesn’t stray too far from English class rules, but it does break some. You can relax, but not completely. It’s the tone of most everyday speech, especially between equals. Conversational English is – no shock here – usually for conversations. Specifically, conversational English is appropriate in these situations:

      ❯❯ Chats with family members, neighbors, and acquaintances

      ❯❯ Informal conversations with teachers and co-workers

      ❯❯ Friendly conversations (if there are any) with supervisors

      Conversational English also shows up in writing, where it creates a “just us friends” or “no big deal” tone. I’m using conversational English in this book because I’m pretending that I’m chatting with you, the reader, not teaching grammar in a classroom situation. Look for conversational English in these communications:

      ❯❯ Notes, emails, instant messages, tweets, and texts to acquaintances and friends

      ❯❯ Posts or comments on social media, blogs, and so on

      ❯❯ Friendly letters to relatives

      ❯❯ Letters to acquaintances who enjoy a warm, friendly tone

      Conversational English has a breezy sound. Letters are dropped in contractions (don’t, I’ll, would’ve, and so forth). In written form, conversational English breaks punctuation rules, too. Sentences run together, and commas connect all sorts of things. Multiple punctuation marks (two or three exclamation points, for example) show strong emotion, especially in social media posts and texts.

Will you accompany me to the dining room? Formal English

      You’re now at the pickiest end of the language spectrum: formal, grammatically correct speech and writing. Formal English displays the fact that you have an advanced vocabulary, a knowledge of etiquette, and command of standard rules of English usage. You may use formal English when you have less power, importance, and/or status than the other people in the conversation to demonstrate that you respect them. You may also speak or write in formal English when you have more power, importance, and/or status than the audience to create a tone of dignity or to provide a suitable role model for someone who is still learning. Situations that call for formal English include:

      ❯❯ Business letters or emails (from or between businesses as well as from individuals to businesses)

      ❯❯ Letters or emails to government officials

      ❯❯ Online comments posted to publications or government websites

      ❯❯ Office memos or emails

      ❯❯ Reports

      ❯❯ Homework

      ❯❯ Communications to teachers

      ❯❯ Speeches, presentations, oral reports

      ❯❯ Important conversations (for example, job interviews, college interviews, parole hearings, congressional inquiries, inquisitions, sessions with the principal in which you explain that unfortunate incident with the stapler, and so on)

      Think of formal English as business clothing. If you’re in a situation where you want to look your best, you’re also in a situation where your words matter. In business, homework, or any situation in which you’re being judged, use formal English.

      

Can you adapt your writing to suit the situation and audience? Try this quiz. Which note is correct?

      A. no hw – ttyl

      B. Hi, Ms. Smith. Just a note to let you know I didn’t do the homework. I’ll explain later! Ralph

      C. Dear Ms. Smith,

      I was not able to do my homework last night. I will speak with you about this matter later.

      Sincerely,

      Ralph

      Answer: The correct answer depends upon a few factors. How willing are you to be stuck in the corner of the classroom for the rest of the year? If your answer is “very willing,” send A, a text written in friendspeak. (By the way, hw is short for “homework” and ttyl means “talk to you later.”) Does your teacher come to school in jeans and sneakers? If so, note B is probably acceptable. Note B is written in conversational English. Is Ms. Smith prim and proper, expecting you to follow every rule ever created, including a few she made up? If so, note C, which is written in formal English, is your best bet.

      Thumbing Your Way to Better Grammar

      I live in New York City, and I seldom see thumbs that aren't tapping on very small screens – texting (sending written notes over the phone), IMing (instant messaging), tweeting (sending 140-character notes), posting comments on social media, or simply jotting down ideas and reminders. I can't help wondering what sort of grammar will evolve from these forms of communication. Perhaps the 19th edition of English Grammar For Dummies will be only ten pages long, with “sentences” like u ok? lmk – bbl. (Translation for the techno-challenged: “Are you okay? Let me know. I'll be back later.”)

      At present, however, match the level of formality in electronic communication to your situation, message, and audience. If you're dealing with a friend, feel free to abbreviate and shorten anything you like. If you're communicating with