Life in Poetry. Ria April Avalon

still believe in faith, but is it worth it?

      Fate's given up on me.

      I have convinced us both the feeling faded,

      And it is a deceptive honest lie.

      At least, I – devastated, torn and jaded —

      Was truly independent in your eyes.

      If love's opposed to freedom that's in dreaming,

      Then love and dreams don't make one sacred whole.

      And so, my past completely lost its meaning…

      If I exist – and had this past at all.

      *Pothos (рус. Пафос) – сын Пигмалиона и его ожившей скульптуры Галатеи, древнегреческий бог любви и страсти

      Not Now

      In silence my lips have been drawing the shapes

      Of phrases, so vague and deprived of a meaning.

      My dreams are about to find an escape

      To where the end always meets the beginning.

      My black and white fears have got an excuse:

      I still have the world – in my heart and around.

      I'm no longer free – I have something to lose.

      The more I deny that my freedom has bounds,

      The better I see them, the more my heart frets.

      The twilight has failed to appease me somehow.

      I'll lose it all soon, but I'll never regret.

      My lips keep repeating: "Not me, not right now".

      Scarred

      It is just another sleepless night,

      It's the breath of spring that we await.

      One more gulp of wine, and I'm all right,

      One more secret till it's way too late.

      One more song for no one's reached your ears,

      But you think it's happened by mistake.

      Every now and then you see me near,

      But you've got another heart to break.

      I'm a lover, killed by you for good,

      I'm the endless beauty you can't face,

      I'm the myth you've never understood,

      I'm the pill no spirits can replace.

      I'm your muse and demon, I'm your pride,

      I'm the word that's missing in your song,

      I still feel like I'm a scar you hide,

      Otherwise you'd tell me I am wrong.

      Invisible Scars

      The poison of spring has dissolved in my veins;

      A second is worth both my future and past.

      The more I denied my becoming insane,

      The sooner insanity touched me at last.

      The silence we hear is the laugh of my fate,

      The soundless laugh at the one I forgot —

      The yesterday's me – and the force to create

      The life I portrayed. But it's less than I've got.

      I love the invisible scars of my skin —

      The blades of your hands are so tempting, indeed.

      These words I give birth to just come from within,

      Revealing the truth till the scars start to bleed.

      Fate and Fortune

      This northern city with headlights-eyes

      Has buried me in its cold and gloom;

      You'll see this place in a dreadful guise,

      And once sweet home will seem a tomb

      Once you're aware there's no way out,

      Once dreams of youth say goodbye and grin.

      It goes farther and makes me doubt

      In all the things I have ever seen.

      Its blood has turned into ice and snow,

      It's endless winter in every heart.

      The winds of grief never cease to blow,

      The art of grief is the greatest art.

      And once in this cradle of dirt and despair

      A wandering stranger demanded my mind.

      He asked me about this damned northern air

      I'd better not breathe – I would leave it behind.

      He said: "I'm in love with this misery, miss.

      Destruction is right what we need to create.

      True art is in grief. I've been dreaming of this.

      My yesterday's fortune's tomorrow's fate.

      I know all secrets my destiny knows,

      So this boring dwelling won't be a surprise".

      I thought: "He's my twin, and it clearly shows".

      That evening he opened my widely shut eyes.

      A perfect stranger has built a wall

      To be a shield from this gloom and lies,

      From endless rains of this city's gall

      That falls on me from the shattered skies.

      The wave of feelings can warm the days

      Of dull existence in Bitterland

      And melt the ice in this rotten place,

      In every heart that it's due to mend.

      This northern city with headlights-eyes

      Has turned us down in its nasty voice

      And… brought together. We've paid the price

      Of fate to fortune. We've made the choice.

      Only Dreaming

      My arms held so tightly around your waist

      Just spoke for me, as I'd got my lips sealed.

      At least they indulged in a new better taste.

      Embraced by temptations, I chose to yield.

      This night was a blinding exhilarant flash

      Of