Around the heart in eleven years. Epp Petrone

their leaders themselves,” he then says. He doesn’t say, “Yes,” but that sentence sure sounds affirmative. My head is swimming, as I realize that something very special is about to begin in my life. How it will all play out and where in the world we will wind up, I don’t know, but something is definitely about to happen.

      “I have a husband,” reality pulls me back in for a second. “Can he come too?”

      “Come where?”

      “Wherever you’re going!”

      “But I haven’t even told you where I’m going.”

      “That doesn’t matter.”

      I’ve made an impression on him. “All right, Epp, you seem like an alert person. I don’t think I’ve met anyone this alert for a long time. Let’s say, yeah, in Indonesia, about a tenth of the people there are alert and that’s something already, most countries in the world have less of these kinds of people.”

      “Aren’t Estonians alert?”

      “Estonians are a very old and very important people in the history of the world. Russians, after all, are genetically also Estonians, or well, Finno-Ugric people, but they’ve just forgotten their language, having been violently forced to speak the Slavic language. Finno-Ugric tribes have affected Europe as well as Asia much more than all these little busybodies here realize.” He looks me in the eye for a moment and then continues, seemingly on another random topic, “And can you imagine, in Tibet they have a volcanic mountain and can you guess what it’s called, huh?”

      “No, I can’t.”

      “Tulekeel4! The name of that mountain is Tulekeel!” With a highpitched shout, he jumps up and assumes a half-squatting position, as if he was expecting an explosion, eyes fixed on mine to make sure I understood the full implications of what he was saying.

      “Tulekeel?”

      “The name of that mountain of fire is Tulekeel!” He’s almost shouting with a passionate expressiveness that has also roused the attention of those around us. “I’ve been researching this, the Estonian people have an ancient legend, according to which our ancestors were gods who came down the mountains high above. I’m sure it was the Himalayas! There are also myths in India about light-eyed gods who came down to earth – we came through there, then across the Ural Mountains and on until the Baltic Sea. And Estonian was a great international language back then, like English is now, all kinds of black and yellow people were learning to speak it. Because after the Estonian gods came down from the mountains and reached men, they taught everyone some of their language. Don’t you agree…?”

      “Yes, well, maybe so; it’s an interesting hypothesis,” I quickly answer.

      “Do you agree to research these things and spread the word? Because, you see, the lead wolf has his interests as well. The leader of the pack can’t choose his followers, but he sure can run away if those followers don’t suit him!”

      Huh? His way of speaking is a bit muddled, but in a way it’s pretty intelligent, full of metaphors and parallels, certainly a lot more inspirational than what I have been dealing with during these last years as a journalist.

      “Spread the word? I’m actually a journalist and I’d like to become a writer,” I admit. So far he’s asked nothing about me.

      “Oh really?” he responds in a dry tone, a little suspicious.

      “My husband is a journalist too. If you want, we can definitely spread the word about your theories… But if you don’t we’ll keep quiet about them.”

      “You know what,” he tosses a hand in the air. “Come back at the same time tomorrow and bring your husband with you. I’m going to do some thinking until then.”

      That night a classic clash of values plays itself out in one Estonian household.

      “How can you imagine just picking up and leaving our life here to follow some old man – and you don’t even know where?”

      “Everything is possible. We can put the house up for rent…”

      “We have a mortgage, this house belongs to the bank; we’re not even allowed to put it up for rent.”

      “I already looked at the mortgage contract, there’s nothing in there that would forbid it.”

      “And who do you think is going to rent a place like this in the middle of winter? This isn’t an apartment for some student; it’s a house after all.”

      “It’s a house in a private place with a view of the sea. You remember how happy and lucky you felt when we found this place? I’m sure someone would love to live here! Just have a little faith and we’ll find someone.”

      “I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to sell it altogether on this little whim!”

      “Yes… wait, so if you’d rather sell it…” We had bought our little house by the sea about six months earlier, after another confusing and crisis riddled period.

      “And where would you put the dog? Put him up for rent too?”

      “He’d go back to the countryside to live with my dad. He was just fine there last year.”

      “No! He’s our dog, so he’s our responsibility. Why should he go live somewhere else again?”

      “It wouldn’t be just anywhere. He’s spent half of his life there!”

      “You can’t do things like this just on a whim. You just went on that ski trip and now another thing pops in your head, you want to push everything aside and leave again… I can’t believe we’re even discussing this! It’s just so absurd; it’s not even worth talking about it. I have a job, you have a job…”

      “But jobs are something that you can leave! Or, let’s say, you can go on leave. Just think what an opportunity for the two of us to go see the world and grow as people.”

      “No.”

      “I haven’t travelled almost at all. Okay, so there was that one trip to Slovakia!”

      “How about Tunisia? And Hungary?”

      “Yes, and that’s all there is! I’ve been to three different countries, everywhere for just a week, enough for a little taste, that’s it. But look at how big the world is! And you know what, this guy has some interesting theories about the world! I’m sure being around him would also help us develop in a way. At the same time, with you it would be safer than if I just went alone.”

      “That man is insane!”

      “No, he’s actually quite the businessman in his own right. He told me how he buys handcrafts from poor countries and sells them in rich ones, making a profit of up to thousand percent sometimes! What he’s saying actually makes perfect sense.”

      “And you can really see me selling seashells to tourists in some market?”

      “Well, it’s not seashells, it’s beautiful jewellery and things. I can see it, really. Would you at least be willing to meet him?”

      “No, I see no reason for that.”

      “Please!”

      “We have our own life here. All right, we can go away somewhere for a week sometime soon, we’ll find someone to house sit and feed the dog. I’m sure I can get off work for that much…”

      “How are you not getting this? I don’t want to go on a phony weeklong tourist trap of a trip! I need to see the other side of the world, something real, something new, something honest! I’m wasting away in this sterile journalist’s life. You are too, even if you don’t realize it yet!”

      “This is all just in your head. If you want to, you can develop just the same anywhere. You can read books and…”

      “I want to write books!”

      “Yes, I know. So go ahead and write. Quit your job and start writing, I’ll take care

4

“The tongue of fire” in Estonian.