Intertwined Fates. Ariana Bazhenova

I asked in surprise, hearing the familiar name. Warm memories of the last months of university appeared before my inner eye. – I wrote my thesis based on his works. A very interesting author. But I can’t agree with him completely.

      – And why is that?

      A spark of interest and excitement lit up his eyes, and my gaze shone in response – I felt myself on a familiar wave. How long had it been since I could talk to anyone about philosophy, which I had been interested in since school and to this day! Talk to someone very smart and erudite. We involuntarily leaned towards each other, finding a new, unexpected point of contact. The conversation about philosophy began to resemble a blood-stirring conversation between lovers overcome by passion.

      – Baudrillard talks about the consumption of signs of prestige in modern society. Like, this is an empty outer wrapper, and there is no meaning behind these signs. People buy things again and again, not because they need them, but because they are signs of something valuable.

      – Isn’t that so?

      – From my point of view, not quite so, – I glanced at my few interlocutors and from one favorite wave, philosophy, jumped to another, psychology. – I believe that nothing exists just like that, not even an empty sign that shouldn’t exist. If people buy these signs of prestige, it means that it covers their real psychological needs, – I noted how completely absorbed he was in my train of thought. – For example, the need for acceptance and recognition. There is a risk that you may not be accepted without belonging to a certain level of life, or if you don’t follow everyone, if you are different. Without a new phone or branded things. This is the ancient fear of being an outcast. This is not at all about people consuming empty signs of prestige just because someone told them to… Perhaps I’m wrong. And once again – if a person does something, it means that it’s not just like that, it means that he needs it.

      As I said the last words, I seemed to be looking into the water – if our relationship went further, I didn’t want to be a meaningless empty shell in his life. I wanted to mean something. To be needed. And not to hear hurtful excuses behind my back – «There’s nothing between us» or «It’s just sex, it doesn’t mean anything.»

      Leo looked at me attentively for a few seconds, thinking about what I had said, and then nodded briefly:

      – I agree with you.

      I beamed. It was very pleasant to talk about a familiar and interesting topic with an understanding interlocutor – this discussion was like a sip of living water. Usually, I lazily parried blows in an intellectual duel with anyone, but now it was different. I wanted to show myself to Leo as a woman with a lively mind and independent judgment – everything that I valued in him. During this short conversation, I felt that we saw in each other an equal and common interests.

      – I’m really nervous before the performance, – I glanced at my watch when we went outside and headed back. My pulse on the watch was over 110.

      – Well, don’t worry!

      – Thanks, Leo, how could I not have guessed myself, – I laughed and turned to him, looking at his clean-shaven face in the bright light of the winter sun. – Are you nervous?

      – Me? No, I’m never nervous. You’re the star today, you know the topic better than me, and I just came to eat shawarma.

      – Well, that’s not true, your part is very important, – I jokingly fought back.

      We returned to the hall, and several pairs of surprised eyes stared at us. We calmly walked to our seats, continuing to smile at each other.

      – Kira, Leo, are you ready? How are you feeling? – the boss came up to us ten minutes before the performance. – Yes, everything is fine, – I shrugged and smiled routinely.

      My pulse stubbornly balanced between 110 and 120, revealing the extreme degree of excitement before the first lecture in my life, which we had been preparing for so long.

      – Kira, I’ll have a smoke now and come back, okay? I’ll be quick, don’t worry, – Leo patted me on the shoulder, and I nodded with understanding. He left the hall, accompanied by a puzzled look from his boss.

      Finally, our time had come.

      – And now I want to give the floor to the speakers of our final module – Kira and Lev! – the host announced.

      We stood up and walked to the center of the hall to loud applause. I looked around the audience with joyful anticipation, and they returned our glances, full of interest. Eva Schwein taught me that I should use my own energy to draw out the entire learning process of others, to capture their attention. I am only at the beginning of the journey, but next to me is my experienced mentor, Leo, whom I admire endlessly.

      Our rehearsed and polished speech flowed easily. I glanced at my watch and saw that as soon as we left the agonizing wait and got down to business, my pulse dropped to 80. I felt myself on the same wavelength with all the seated spectators. Despite their fatigue, we managed to spark their interest, and they actively joined in our questions and exercises.

      – Remember! From the point of view of evolutionary psychology, emotions, likes and dislikes are your ancient signaling system of the body. They instantly appear as a reaction to external stimuli and tell you what to do, – I explained to the audience, striding in high heels on wooden boards. – That is why you should not ignore your emotions and feelings, you need to listen to them, to the wise voice of the subconscious, which allows you to live a bright and truly your own life, and not its surrogate. Isn’t that right, Lev Alexandrovich?

      I turned and smiled charmingly at him. – That’s right, Kira. Emotions can often give better advice than logic and cold calculation. You don’t need to resist them – they are a powerful resource and advisor. Both in life and in managing a team.

      An hour and a half flew by unnoticed, and here we were again standing together in front of the hall, showered with loud applause. We turned to each other, and joyful smiles lit up our faces. We did it!

      – And now, dear participants, we will ask you to complete a short test at the end of the training, – the host announced.

      The boss briefly threw in the direction of the girls from our department:

      – You will need to stay later, help clean up.

      I was overcome with slight anxiety, and I anxiously looked around at the hall. «What do you mean stay? They will write the test for now, then clean up… We agreed with Leo to go to a cafe to celebrate. He will not wait for me. I can’t miss such a chance, no-no!»

      – Unfortunately, I have to run… – I approached the boss, submissively lowering my head, trying to come up with a plausible explanation on the fly. – I can’t stay to help you, I have… I have tickets. Sorry.

      – Okay, go, but know that if we organize a common cause, then we are all responsible for it together, – she answered with barely concealed irritation.

      I nodded gratefully and, throwing on my coat, ran down the stairs after Leo – into the winter twilight of the city. The busy street was brightly lit by lanterns and LED shop windows. Soft snowflakes swirled in the air. We crossed the road and went to the restaurant he suggested. For a few minutes we found ourselves right in front of the windows of our hall, and I tried to leave this line of sight as quickly as possible, not to turn around – I was afraid to see one of our employees there, watching how Leo and I were walking together in the direction opposite the metro. We calmly turned the corner and breathed a sigh of relief, continuing our journey, interspersed with casual conversations and jokes. Finally, we reached our destination.

      – Well,