Kill me with your love. Part I. Iggy Joutsen

among people. You are able to decide the fate of the world, to see the moments of the future, to control all the elements of nature, but the price for this is too high: none of the Bernauses does not live to old age. Each of them is destined to die young. The duration of life depends on the time of acquisition of power. The earlier you master it, the fewer years you have to live”.

      There was a moment’s silence. It took me a little time to digest the given information I got. I just could not believe my ears.

      “But if I don’t want these powers, can I refuse them?”, finally, I broke the silence.

      “Do not fight against who you are by nature, but resist what they want to make you against your will. You have been given this gift, so use it. As for death, everyone will die eventually”. My father did not change his favorite manner of appearing to be a strict parent, although I guessed how hard he had been struggling against it.

      “You see, Emilius, the Bernauses do not have magical powers from birth. They come to us over time, years later. If this happens, it means that we are ready to accept them, although not without a share of confusion and doubt. It is impossible to renounce the gift, but anyone can refuse in favor of another Bernaus only on one condition: if you have a premonition or you are sure of death in the near future. Most of us, however, will never know the hour of death, because it always comes unexpectedly without sending warning letters, and it is always tragic”. I felt how difficult it was for my mother to reveal this terrible secret, but there was no other way out. She let go of my hands and returned to her husband.

      “You will have your own mentor. Usually the one who you are already familiar with and who had mastered the powers before you becomes them. The Bernauses are very closely related to one another on an intuitive level, so they choose only people of their own circle as friends and partners and do not let strangers into it”. My mother calmed me down by sweetening the bitter truth with an optimistic ending.

      “However, you’ve known him, or rather her, for many years,” my father winked at me, smiling. Ema, I whispered. My parents exchanged looks as if they had read my lips, but did not say anything. Suddenly, their images began to fade away quickly. Their clear figures started turning into barely distinguishable silhouettes. An unknown energy seemed to grab me and pull me back into the darkness.

      “Will I see you again?”. I shouted to my father and mother.

      “We have fulfilled our mission and now, son, you have to live for us”. Their voices sounded in unison in my head.

      “Are you real or just my imagination or my dream?” I was moving away from them further and further, and they were becoming more and more blurry pale spot.

      “Yes and no. Knowing that anything may happen to us, we created a spell in the form of an illusion, which you would have to see when your powers came to you. Now it is losing its effect, because it has fulfilled its purpose. Goodbye, son! Be strong, and don’t say “no” when the moment comes to say “yes”. Their voices merged together, so I couldn’t distinguish one from the other, as if they were uttering by one being, and not by people of different sexes. The last phrase remained a complete mystery to me. The darkness pulled me into a funnel, and after a moment, I woke up.

      4. New “I”

      I understood that what had happened was not just a spell, but also a kind of initiation that I had to pass before joining the circle of the chosen ones in order to finally take my rightful place in this hidden world. Although I did not still receive answers to numerous questions, but something told me that the secrets would be out when the right time came. In the meantime, I had to study myself anew. I clearly realized that the new abilities could not only make life easier and bring many unforgettable adventures, but also complicate it, given my unrestrained temper. I was too hot-tempered and arrogant by nature. Regardless of that I quickly moved away from resentments. However, sometimes I spitted out what was on my mind or, on the contrary, I spoke out without thinking, so I made a lot of enemies because of that.

      Of course, I didn’t think of myself being aggressive, but there was room for improvement. Having such powers and being agitated were a dangerous combination that could lead to very disastrous results. It was not difficult to guess where all this was coming from. The sudden loss of my parents and a drastic change in lifestyle left a long-term psychological trauma on my personality. I went from being a deity to nonentity. For this, I “thank” the orphanage which did not give me any life lessons, on the contrary, it ruined my self-esteem and self-importance my loved ones so carefully had been protecting.

      Five years spent in that educational institution made me intemperate, anxious, overly touchy, but not vindictive to my surprise. Befriending me was hard. Nobody could not find a way to get through me either. I never obeyed to injustice and preferred being a loner most of the time. To be owned to someone was beyond me. I strictly had followed this rule until I met Ema.

      In her person I found a soul mate, which I had been dreaming of for so long that I had already stopped believing I would find. Loneliness will surely break even the strongest ones, and there will undoubtedly be a “hunger” for friendly support and heart-to-heart chats. That was what happened to me: getting to know Ema changed everything. Despite her age, (she was a couple of years younger than me), we had a lot in common: under mysterious circumstances, both of us lost our parents; both of us were considered unsociable and lonely in life. Even our personalities resembled. Is that not what they call a coincidence?

      I was 15 years old then, and I had been in that infamous orphanage for 3 years already. I will never forget the day I saw Ema for the first time. It was a sunny hot July evening, which was a rare thing there, given the elevated humid climate. Therefore, everyone, for sure, spent their time outside and they minded their own business. I can’t remember exactly what I was doing at that moment, when suddenly a shout flew around the area of the orphanage at the speed of light that newbies had been brought. Naturally all the guys, including me, consumed with curiosity, rushed to the main gate, through which a minibus passed and followed to the administration building.

      The doors swung open and Ema got out first straightaway outshining with her beauty others whom I no longer paid any attention to. She was tall, slender, red-haired, with a freckled face and bright green eyes. This girl drove all the boys crazy. It was impossible not to notice her. Her grace attracted the admiring glances of the guys. The girls surely got envious. She looked around indifferently and blankly until her eyes rested on me. It was as if lightning flashed between us and left a slight trace of contact, which we never lost, even though we knew each other in person only a month later. It is all because of my shyness or pride, or all of them put together.

      Our acquaintance happened under curious circumstances however. Once we were assigned to be on duty in the garden (by a lucky chance she was enrolled in my group). The duties included weeding and watering the beds. I was focusing completely on hoeing carrots, when suddenly the scream of Ema brought me out of my reflections and concentration on work. An unusual scene appeared before my eyes: a fragile girl was bravely struggling with a watering hose, from which a powerful stream of water was pouring to the fullest.

      The sight was so eye-catching that I couldn’t help but laugh. The hose under the pressure of water kept popping out of Ema’s hands, flooding everything around, including the poor thing herself. Instead of letting go of it and turning off the faucet, she courageously and persistently continued to fight with it, trying to pacify the “ardor” of the hose.

      I burst out laughing. Ema did not expect such impudence from me. Instead of help she got ridiculed. Indignation got over her what gave the girl strength to hold the hose jumping in all directions, hurry toward me and aim the whole jet of water at me. The pressure knocked me off my feet and threw me a couple of meters away. Angry but not feeling pain I ran up to her, tore the hose out of her hands and began to pour Ema from head to toe. Laughing and pouring water on each other we did not notice how one of the educators turned