Something Like Happy. Sasha Greene

let’s get you something to eat. I could hear your stomach grumbling from halfway across the room.’

      She disappeared into the changing rooms through the brown wooden door, leaving him staring after her. And one thought wound its way slowly through his tired brain, like a mole slowly carving its way through the dark soil. Who else did she know who felt like him?

       Chapter 5

      Jade put her arm around Nick’s elbow as they walked up the road to the café, as if she knew he needed some mental help to drag himself up the hill. ‘You will try the avocado today, won’t you?’ Her voice sounded almost accusing, as if she expected him to chicken out.

      ‘Yes, although I still think it looks pretty much like someone has thrown up on your plate.’

      Jade snorted. ‘No more than that disgusting mess you made with your mix of egg, beans and mushrooms last time.’

      ‘It’s not the look, it’s the taste.’ Nick was defensive.

      ‘Yeah. Wouldn’t that be a good name for a café?’ Jade waved her free arm expansively. ‘Looks Shit. Tastes Amazing.’

      Nick had to laugh at that. ‘I would go for Shit Looks. Amazing Taste. A bit more punchy. Bring in the customers.’

      As they stopped outside the café, Nick turned to Jade. ‘How is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? Because that’s what I’m feeling today. Like there’s a black cloud over everything. But then you just made me laugh. Which just feels weird.’

      She looked up at him, startled by the sudden change of topic, and for one unguarded moment he could see his own emotions mirrored in her eyes. ‘I don’t know. All I know is that it is.’ She turned away, as if worried that he might see something on her face, but then suddenly turned back, an intensity in her eyes that surprised him.

      ‘They say that everything passes. But I don’t think it does. I think emotions are like the sea. It’s sometimes smooth and sunny, and sometimes the wind is blowing so hard you think you’re going to sink.’ She opened the door, and motioned for him to go in. And as he passed her, she added, ‘But it’s when you think you’re just about to drown that someone else tends to pass by with a life raft.’

      She was his life raft, he realised. And he hoped she wasn’t going to disappear any time soon, because the thought of swimming through the waves on his own was enough to make him panic.

      Nick had to admit that Jade had been right about the breakfast. The bread was amazing, and the freshness of the taste went much better with his unsettled stomach that a cooked breakfast would have done.

      ‘So, where are we going today?’ He pushed his empty plate back, surprised that he had managed to eat at all. Still, Jade had distracted him with random stories about funny things that had happened at work, and he had hardly noticed himself eating until he had gone to take another bite and found it all gone.

      ‘We were supposed to be going to the Kelvingrove Museum, but I got a text last night that with the weather as it is then we’re just going to have a picnic in the park.’

      ‘Sounds great.’ Nick stretched his long legs out under the table, taking care to angle them so they wouldn’t brush against Jade’s. Last thing he wanted was for that to happen. Actually, he realised he was lying to himself. He was craving physical contact today just like a thirsty person desperate for water. But the last thing he wanted was for Jade to feel uncomfortable with him. He didn’t think he would survive if he lost their easy friendship.

      ‘Yeah.’ Jade checked her watch. ‘In fact, we’d better get ourselves off to the station or we’ll be late.’

      ‘It seems a long way to go all the way up there, just to come back here. Can’t we just meet them there?’

      Jade stood up and pulled him to his feet. ‘Come on, lazy bones. A promise is a promise. Besides, Archie has been looking forward to seeing you since last time.’

      ‘Really?’ Nick couldn’t quite believe what he had just heard. ‘Looking forward to seeing me?’

      ‘Oh God, did I not tell you?’ Jade stopped in front of the till and rolled her eyes. ‘Lily’s been texting me. She says he hasn’t stopped talking about you. What did you say to him?’

      Nick started to say something, and then realised she was teasing him, and folded his arms. ‘Any more of that, and you’ll have to pay for breakfast.’

      Jade shook a finger at him. ‘No way. I’ll skip off and leave you washing dishes. But seriously, he is really keen to see you. So you can’t let him down.’

      As they set off down the road Nick could feel the sunshine slowly warming the numbness in his body. Summer was coming. In fact, today almost felt like summer. He should take some time off. Get up north. Do some walking. Hang out by the rivers. Go kayaking. He hadn’t had a break since Christmas. It was about time.

      Jade had been right. Archie welcomed Nick warmly, shaking his hand firmly, and patting him heartily on the shoulders when he sat down. Lily enveloped him in a rose-scented hug.

      ‘Is that a new perfume you’re wearing?’ He was good at smells, he realised. Enough to tell that it was different from what she had on last time.

      Lily smiled, clearly impressed that he had noticed. ‘Yes. Archie got it for my birthday. Came all the way from London.’

      ‘They’ve been teaching us how to use the internet.’ Archie looked smug. ‘So I thought I would put my new skills to good use.’

      ‘How old are you now, Lily?’ A little smile lifted the corners of Jade’s mouth.

      Lily looked sternly at Jade, but Nick could see the twinkle in her eyes. This was clearly some sort of game that they had played before. ‘Goodness! You know a lady never tells.’ She clasped her hands in front of her dramatically, and all four of them laughed.

      The bustle started to get everyone into the minibus, and soon they were speeding their way towards their destination. There was no singing this time. Everyone just seemed content to relax and enjoy the sunshine.

      Keith dropped them off at the entrance to the park, and they made their way slowly along the winding path. The park was busy with the sounds of people playing football and kids shouting and screaming. It seemed like half of Glasgow was out to enjoy the sun. A group of park runners wove their way past the wheelchairs at one point, flowing around them like rocks in a stream.

      ‘We need a flat bit to play croquet,’ Jade said, just when Nick was starting to wonder if they were going to walk the whole length of the park.

      ‘Ah, that’s what that weirdly-shaped bag is for.’ He pointed at the red bag that one of the other volunteers was carrying. ‘I’d wondered that.’

      ‘Yeah. Although we’ve only got four balls and mallets, so I think we’re going to have to do some teams or something.’

      ‘Some people won’t be able to play,’ Nick pointed out.

      ‘Yeah.’ Jade agreed. ‘Although that guy over there,’ she pointed at one of the wheelchairs up ahead of them, ‘pretty much all he remembers how to do is play croquet. Can’t even remember if he’s had breakfast, but if you put a mallet in his hand, he’s a bit of a pro.’

      ‘Weird.’ Nick couldn’t help marvelling at the brain and how complex it was. People would probably never understand it all.

      They finally found the perfect spot and settled themselves down. Someone offered Nick a camping chair, but he politely declined, preferring to lie himself down on a rug. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth of people’s affection wrapping around him like a warm winter jacket, staving off the cold feeling of loneliness. He really should keep on looking for other jobs again, he thought.