PS, I Love You. Cecelia Ahern

and nobody understood that no amount of make-up, fresh air or shopping was going to fill the hole in her heart.

      ‘Oh, sorry, love, did I wake you?’ the concerned voice of Holly’s mother came across the line. Every morning her mother called to see if she had survived the night alone, always afraid of waking her, yet always relieved to hear her speak; safe in the knowledge her daughter had braved the ghosts of the night.

      ‘No, I was just dozing, it’s OK.’ Always the same answer.

      ‘Your dad and Declan have gone out and I was thinking of you, pet.’

      Why did that soothing sympathetic voice always send tears to Holly’s eyes? She could picture her mother’s face, eyebrows furrowed, forehead wrinkled with worry. But it didn’t soothe Holly. It made her remember why they were worried and that they shouldn’t have to be. Everything should be normal. Gerry should be here beside her, rolling his eyes up to heaven and trying to make her laugh while her mother yapped on. So many times Holly would have to hand the phone over to Gerry as her fit of giggles took over. Then he would chat away, ignoring Holly as she jumped around the bed, pulling her silliest faces and doing her funniest dances just to get back at him. It seldom worked.

      She ‘ummed’ and ‘aahed’ throughout the conversation, listening but not hearing a word.

      ‘It’s a lovely day, Holly. It would do you the world of good to go out for a walk. Get some fresh air.’

      ‘Um, I suppose.’ There it was again – fresh air, the alleged answer to all her problems.

      ‘Maybe I’ll call round later and we can have a chat.’

      ‘No thanks, Mum. I’m OK.’

      Silence.

      ‘Well, all right … give me a ring if you change your mind. I’m free all day.’

      ‘OK.’ Another silence. ‘Thanks, though.’

      ‘Right then … take care, love.’

      ‘I will.’ Holly was about to replace the phone when she heard her mother’s voice again.

      ‘Oh, Holly, I almost forgot. That envelope is still here for you – you know, the one I told you about. It’s on the kitchen table. You might want to collect it. It’s been here for weeks now and it might be important.’

      ‘I doubt it. It’s probably just another card.’

      ‘No, I don’t think it is, love. It’s addressed to you and above your name it says … oh, hold on while I get it …’

      The phone was put down, the sound of heels on the tiles toward the table, chairs screeched against the floor, footsteps getting louder, phone being picked up …

      ‘You still there?’

      ‘Yeah.’

      ‘OK, it says at the top “The List”. Maybe it’s from work or something, love. It’s worth just taking a …’

      Holly dropped the phone.

      CHAPTER TWO

      ‘Gerry, turn off the light!’ Holly giggled as she watched her husband undress before her. He danced around the room performing a striptease, slowly unbuttoning his white cotton shirt with his long slender fingers. He raised his left eyebrow towards Holly and allowed the shirt to slide from his shoulders, caught it in his right hand and swung it around over his head.

      Holly giggled again.

      ‘Turn off the light? What, and miss all this?’ he grinned cheekily while flexing his muscles. He wasn’t a vain man but had much to be vain about, thought Holly. His body was strong and perfectly toned. His long legs were muscular from hours spent working out in the gym. At almost six foot he was tall enough to make Holly feel safe when he stood protectively beside her five foot five. Most of all she loved that when she hugged him her head would rest neatly just below his chin, where she could feel his breath lightly blowing her hair and tickling her head.

      Her heart leaped as he lowered his boxers, caught them on the tip of his toes and flung them at her where they landed on her head.

      ‘Well, at least it’s darker under here, anyway,’ she laughed. He always managed to make her laugh. When she came home tired and angry after work he was invariably sympathetic and listened to her complaining. They seldom fought, and when they did it was over stupid things that amused them after, like who had left the porch light on all day or who had forgotten to set the alarm at night.

      Gerry finished his striptease and dived into the bed. He snuggled up beside her tucking his freezing cold feet underneath her legs to warm himself.

      ‘Aaaagh! Gerry, your feet are like ice cubes!’ Holly knew that this position meant he had no intention of budging an inch. ‘Gerry,’ Holly’s voice warned.

      ‘Holly,’ he mimicked.

      ‘Didn’t you forget something?’

      ‘No, not that I know of,’ he answered.

      ‘The light?’

      ‘Ah yes, the light,’ he said sleepily, and pretended to snore loudly.

      ‘Gerry!’

      ‘I had to get out of bed and do it last night, as I remember.’

      ‘Yeah, but you were just standing right beside the switch a second ago!’

      ‘Yes … just a second ago,’ he repeated.

      Holly sighed. She hated having to get back out of bed when she was nice and snug, step onto the cold wooden floor, and then fumble around in the darkness on the way back to the bed. She tutted.

      ‘I can’t do it all the time, you know, Hol. Someday I might not be here and then what will you do?’

      ‘Get my new husband to do it,’ Holly huffed, trying her best to kick his cold feet away from hers.

      ‘Ha!’

      ‘Or just remember to do it myself before I get into bed.’

      Gerry snorted. ‘Fat chance of that happening, my dear. I’ll have to leave a message on the light switch for you before I go, just so you’ll remember.’

      ‘How thoughtful of you but I would rather you just leave me your money.’

      ‘And a note on the immersion,’ he continued on.

      ‘Ha-ha.’

      ‘And on the milk carton.’

      ‘You’re a very funny man, Gerry.’

      ‘Oh, and on the windows so you don’t open them and set the alarm off in the mornings.’

      ‘Hey, why don’t you just leave me a list of things for me to do in your will if you think I’ll be so incompetent without you?’

      ‘Not a bad idea,’ he laughed.

      ‘Fine then, I’ll turn off the bloody light.’ Holly grudgingly got out of bed, grimaced as she stepped onto the ice-cold floor and switched off the light. She held out her arms in the darkness and slowly began to find her way back to the bed.

      ‘Hello? Holly, did you get lost? Is there anybody out there, there, there, there?’ Gerry shouted out to the black room.

      ‘Yes, I’m hhhhowwwwwwcch!’ she yelped as she stubbed her toe against the bedpost. ‘Shit, shit, shit, fuck, bastard, shit, crap!’

      Gerry snorted and sniggered underneath the duvet. ‘Number two on my list: watch out for bedpost …’

      ‘Oh, shut up, Gerry, and stop being so morbid,’ Holly snapped back at him, cradling her poor foot in her hand.

      ‘Want me to kiss it better?’ he asked.

      ‘No, it’s