Disraeli Avenue. Caroline Smailes

      ‘When will I see my boyfriend again?’ I asked my mam. ‘Maybe when there’s another party,’ she’d answered.

       (2.7)

      I never did see him again. Well I don’t think that I did. Maybe we brushed into each other. There must have been other family parties. But maybe that one meeting was our only scheduled hit for this life.

       (.)

      Am I making any sense at all? I know that you’ll be thinking that my question is about Simon, but it isn’t really. Not at all, really.

       (1.3)

      You see, I think that I must have loved Simon. Truly loved Simon.

       (.)

      Apparently I cried all the way home from the party. Apparently I fell asleep, releasing tiny sobs. Mam says that the next morning I woke up and told her not to laugh at me. She’d been shocked by how mature, how adult like I’d sounded when I was only five years old. Mam reckons that I grew up during that night.

       (1.1)

      What if Simon was the one? What if he was my one true love?

       (.)

      No they’re not really questions for this reading. Not really. I’m rambling again.

       (2.9)

      Simon and me never met again. The connection that I had with him was instant. I still remember him. Or is it the photograph that prompts the memory? You see that’s where I get stuck.

       (2.2)

      I think that I came here for you to tell me about life and death. I think that I wanted an answer to my wondering about if I kill myself, if I die tomorrow, will I simply start a new life?

       (.)

      Because I’m kind of thinking that this life is shit and if I try the next one, then I might meet Simon and I might actually manage to live.

       (5.0)

      You see me and Len have money problems. It’s no big secret. I’m not coping. We married young. I was eighteen and Len was nineteen. We lived beyond Len’s wages. We spent, we lived and soon the debts started to pile up. We tackled the bills by getting into more debt and then it all spiralled. We’ve had bailiffs knocking on our door. I’ve got nothing. They’ve had everything.

       (2.2)

      I’ve got zero, zilch, nothing left to give anyone. You’re my last option. I guess that I came here, hoping that you’d see into my future and tell me what to do.

       (.)

      You know that I work in Woolworths in Coastend. But what you probably don’t know is that I’m only thirty-two years old. I know you’re shocked, I can see it in your eyes. I look twice my age.

       (3.1)

      And Len, well he doesn’t work. He spends his days in the bookies in North Shields, he says that it’s work. He has bad days and good days. Mainly he has bad days.

       (1.7)

      He’s the one that I married. It was sexual; it was me saying ‘thank you very much’ to the first man who showed me any interest.

       (.)

      He was good looking, came from a nice family, was an apprentice. It was all good to start with, for a couple of years.

       (2.0)

      But now it’s shit.

       (1.5)

      Now I don’t think that I can go on.

       (.)

      I don’t think that I can take any more.

       (1.1)

      Sorry.

       (1.2)

      You asked me what my question was. What question I’d like answered with this reading.

       (1.9)

      Well I’d like it to go no further.

       (.)

      I don’t want it being spread around the street.

       (.)

      You see my question is this. Should I kill myself?

       (.)

      I’m supposed to focus on my question aren’t I? Would you like me to shuffle the cards whilst thinking about it?

       (2.7)

       Number 4

       Mr and Mrs Black

      Black car matches their name

      Red front door

      Red garage door

      POK 776T

       The banana and milk diet

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Monday.

      Drank – 3 pints of milk.

      Ate – 8 bananas.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Tuesday.

      Drank – 3 pints of milk.

      Ate – 8 bananas.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Wednesday.

      Drank – 3 pints of milk.

      Ate – 8 bananas.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Thursday.

      Drank – 3 pints of milk.

      Ate – 8 bananas.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Friday.

      Drank – 3 pints of milk.

      Ate – 8 bananas.

      Fat.

      Fat.

      Fat.