A play for 2 people. An invented life. Comedy. Nikolay Lakutin

In general, they do not push the male philosophy. And instead of trying to understand something and figure something out, they start to stupidly yell, hysteria and turn on the offense. They can't do anything else. Here are three manipulation tools for all occasions.

      Semchik (approvingly). Olcha, what a bubbly girl you are! On the same wavelength with you, I adore you!

      Olchik (happily). And I love you, Semulya!

      They run together, kiss, hug.

      Olchik (positively). Listen? Maybe we'll go to the cinema in the evening? Haven't been for a long time.

      Semchik (with a sense of dignity). Rodnulya, half an hour ago I bought two tickets to some foreign kotovasia with your favorite actor, so we will definitely go!

      The musical theme of the stage continues to sound.

      Olchik rejoices, screams from an overabundance of feelings, hugs his beloved, kisses and starts hurriedly pulling off his clothes and from him, quite clearly making it clear what will happen now.

      The musical accompaniment subsides and ends with the blackout.

      ZTM.

      Scene 3. Heart to heart 2.

      Room. Warm, cozy atmosphere. There are two small armchairs and a table.

      A lyrical musical theme sounds.

      Olchik runs to the phone, dials the number in vain.

      Olchik (into the phone, nervously). Hello? Hello? Hello, little sister. Tell me, did anything happen to my car there? Everything okay? Why am I asking? Because there in Novosibirsk cats fly from skyscrapers, as far as I am aware. So how? Everything is fine? No one fell on the roof? Yes? Have you checked? Exactly? And where is the car now? Yeah? Look out the window. Well, look, I'm asking you, is it difficult, or what? So? (Pauses, nervous). Have you looked? Are you sure everything's okay? Why is it nonsense? Okay, it doesn't matter, fine and fine. Forget. How is she? Cucumber? What a clever girl. All right, bye.

      He hangs up. Semchik enters.

      Semchik (with interest). Did you get to the phone?

      Olchik (putting the phone away). She broke.

      Semchik (with interest). Well, what's there? Is your Nissan intact?

      Olchik (clowning). Whole!

      Olchik defiantly shows his tongue to Semchik.

      Semchik first glanced briefly, and then stares intently at the tongue. Olchik, surprised by his seriousness and close attention, hides his tongue back in his mouth.

      Olchik (boldly). What are you staring at? Have you never seen the language?

      Semchik (warily). Not like yours. The plaque on it is kind of unhealthy, too crimson, it looks like scarlet fever! As a half-trained medic, I'm telling you! Don't come close to me and go to an infectious disease specialist. If you picked up something, it's better at an early stage, as they say, at the root.

      Olchik (boldly). Oh, fuck you, you half-baked medic. I just saw a berry yogurt. I saw it, big-eyed! Worry about yourself, I'm fine!

      Semchik (calmly). Not unfinished, but unfinished. It's not the same thing. Okay, since it's yogurt, then you can come over.

      Olchik (with interest). By the way, why did you quit medical school? I forgot something. A promising area, now these medical centers are at every step, and everywhere the price tags are space.

      Semchik (calmly). Couldn't. It's not mine. I thought I could, but still not. Here a special psyche is needed, a special attitude to life. I'm too soft, too vulnerable, too impressionable… as it turned out. In short – not mine.

      Olchik (with a twist). And turning nuts at the factory is yours?

      Semchik (calmly). Not the nuts, but the winding. Well, you won't understand anyway, and I don't want to explain. It's fine, everything suits me. You know, you don't work in the presidential administration either. I'm not charging you, am I?

      Olchik (calmly). What are my years, maybe I'll still work there, but for now, at the reception of documents at the MFC, it's also, in general, not bad. Just the s/p was raised last month. Didn't I tell you?

      Semchik (changing the subject). I've said it seven times already. But I don't want to talk about work right now. Let's talk about something more global.

      Olchik (calmly). About men and women?

      Semchik (with interest). How did you guess?

      Olchik (calmly). And what could be more global? Don't talk about anything, everything, in the end, comes down to you, yes to us. Well … (Affectionately, with a sense of self-esteem). Mostly, of course, to us.

      Semchik (agreeing). Here! That's what it's about! How nice mutual understanding is. But only sometimes. Still, if you are constantly on the same wavelength and know each step of each other in advance, then it will not be interesting. Such a relationship is devoid of intrigue, fuse! And if they are not, then the couple gets bored with each other very quickly. Mutual interest will fade and that's it. No, not that everything. If mutual respect remains, then there will be friendship, which is also valuable, but to marry a man …

      Olchik (interrupts). Or a husband!

      Semchik (agreeing). Yes, or a husband, a man just for the sake of getting a friend… Pshhh…

      Olchik (after thinking it over). In fact, friendship is also a very cloudy instance. Today you are friends, and tomorrow you blurted out something wrong, unsuccessfully joked about being overweight …

      Semchik (interrupts). Or growth!

      Olchik (agreeing). Or height, but you never know. And that's all – friendship apart!

      Semchik (after thinking about it). Maybe, of course, not immediately apart, but it will certainly crack.

      Olchik (agreeing). Definitely. What else!

      Semchik (after thinking about it). Thus, we come to the conclusion that any friendship, as well as relationships, can be unstable. No one can guarantee that marriage, or friendship, neighborhood, no matter what, will not collapse at any moment literally because of some trifle. And if so, then you need to have time to appreciate the relationships that you have, until the moment when life has not broken them in a way that suits you. So?

      Olchik (agreeing). So! Especially since She is life, in any case, they will be torn apart. Nothing lasts forever under the moon. Disintegration, in whatever form, is just a matter of time. Everything has its beginning and its end.

      Semchik (after thinking about it). So, it turns out that in this particular case, everything in life is properly arranged. There are a lot of men, there are a lot of women and there are a bunch of all sorts of different options for how someone can interact with whom, just choose.

      Olchik (after thinking it over). It turns out everything is correct here. The most objective option is realized by life, and no matter how this option does not spoil our nerves from time to time, it is the only true one.

      Semchik (busily). All right! But in any case, there is something where Her Majesty's Life has made a mistake. She's fucked up! She's screwed up! Totally screwed up!

      Olchik (interrupts). You can stop practicing in the selection of synonyms, I understand you. Let's look for loopholes and think about what could be done better!

      Semchik (busily). There is a suggestion!

      Olchik (sarcastically). Well?

      Semchik (busily). Acquaintance! What a problem. Not for everyone, of course, but for most people it is a concrete stupor. Few people know how to quickly and productively establish a dialogue with the girl they like.

      Olchik (interested, with a twinkle). Or a boyfriend!

      Semchik (cheerfully). Exactly! Therefore, I propose to fantasize about dating. Let's come up with something with you…, something else. Such an acquaintance, where there will be no stupid silence, mooing, lost time and opportunities, which subsequently results in regret for what was not said and done!

      Olchik (interested, with a twinkle). Great. Where are we going to bring these poor