Were not were. Alexander Kolosov

The priest crossed himself and tried to continue the memorial service. And again, have faces here and there. Right out of the ground. And they are clearly coming. What started here. Some are screaming. Others are crying. Pop is silent and only shakes his beard. And the demons in the grass and among the graves flicker and get closer and closer. Finally, the priest could not stand it and launched a censer at one of them with a cry: “Get lost, evil spirits!” and hit. There was a screech and a black pig of fair size rushed past them to hell. And then the second one. For company. It turned out that they were piglets from the nearest yard, which got used to the cemetery in search of earthworms. True, the priest still does not believe and claims that it was he who turned the devils into pigs with his censer. This is what the Orthodox faith does!

      Saucer

      One girl decided to give her sister a cup for her birthday. And I didn’t think to buy a saucer for her. She showed her gift to her mother, and she said to her: “No one gives a cup without a saucer. Your sister won’t understand.” “It’s nothing,” the girl replies, “I’ll put 1000 rubles in her cup. Instead of a saucer. When the girl gave the gift to her sister, she at first seemed indignant, but looking into it, she immediately calmed down and said: “Okay, the cup is also okay. Thanks for that too.” In the evening, the mother asks the girl: “Well, did your sister like the gift?”

      “Yeah,” she replies, “but she especially liked the saucer for the cup.”

      God’s Punishment

      Bryansk has been quarantined. And the traffic police had a financial crisis. The money is over. Due to the fact that motorists have disappeared on the roads: so contemptuously the state dubbed those eccentrics who are ready to take risks in order to travel by private vehicle. Nobody has been on the roads for a week now. Except city buses. There is no one to take bribes from. And this is very embarrassing. For the State. There is a striped wand, there is a form, there is a “brick” sign, but it’s not clear what to do with it. The value of attributes of power has been reset to zero. And you want to live like before.

      In order to earn at least something, the traffic police patrol stopped at the entrance to the grocery store and tried to fine everyone who wanted to enter it. For breaking lockdown. As they say, if there is no reason, then you need to create it. Only from the very beginning the idea did not work out. The patrol collided with grandmas. And grandmas are still that force capable of resisting anything. The very first old woman pretended that she was deaf and blind and did not see the police. The second patrol swore. The third beat them with a stick, calling them fucking pioneers. The fourth one was the trickiest. She handed the police 200 rubles and demanded: “Well, since you are in power, don’t let me go to the store, take my money and buy bread, milk, sausages, a kilogram of pasta and sweets. I love sweets and tea.”

      The police were taken aback and answered: “Yes, this money is not enough for what you want to buy.”

      And the old woman, insidious, scoffs: “And you add yours. You are the government, you must take care of the people. So pay for the difference between what the government promised us and what we are actually given.”

      The police did not answer the old woman. They got into the car and left, cursing to themselves this damn people, who are not a people at all, but only God’s punishment.

      Ladybug

      As a child, it was perhaps the only creature that I was told not to offend. So to speak, the principle of “do no harm” in action. A small red beetle with black dots on its back. He had to be carefully put on his finger and wait for him to fly away, repeating: “Ladybug, fly to the sky, bring your children bread.” The first sincere request, almost a prayer. I believed that in the clouds near the ladybug there really was a house where her family lives. This belief in a miracle remained for the rest of your life, despite the fact that everything around you turned out to be completely different from what you imagined it as a child. Only now, instead of the beetle that you released into the sky directly to God, you need to go to church together with everyone, light a candle and sing: “Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death and bestowing life in the tombs”, believing that this will help and something in our lives will change. For the better. And maybe the truth will change. And may God keep us from ourselves and our rash desires.

      No more friends

      Two people meet and one says to the other:

      – Tell me, as each other, but honestly, what do you think about my work?

      – To be honest, I’m not happy with him.

      – You’re not joking, but in all seriousness you think so?

      – Well, yes, you yourself asked to tell the truth.

      I didn’t think you were such a bastard. I didn’t expect this from you.

      So tell the truth after that.

      They are no longer friends. But he could lie, a fool, to his friend and would live as before – not noticing each other.

      Bigger than God

      He is ill. Or, to be more precise, it had a parasite in it. Something deeply alien, foreign to him, nestled inside his body.

      It entered him in a dream. How it happened, it was no longer important for him, but what was important was only WHAT was now mature and growing in him. Something that lives off his body, his thoughts, his life force.

      He was often tormented by mood swings, when an unbearable blues was suddenly replaced by hysterical fun and fits of unbridled rage, which he could not, and did not want to control. What lived in him against his will was torn out, and he realized with horror that he was ready to die, if only to free himself from the presence of a stranger in himself.

      And finally it happened. He gave birth. He gave birth to something that he had never seen in his life. One fine day, or rather, one terrible long dark night, his offspring crawled out of it. One only, but what!

      Baby, the little one that he had nurtured under his heart for the last nine months: fed with his own blood; grew out of my mind. A monster, more beautiful than Frankenstein’s homunculus, born of Mary Shelley’s sick fantasy. A bizarre mixture of insect and plant.

      But children are not chosen: those who then bury their parents. A child can only be proud of. And he’s proud. Now. Because father. By my son. A son worthy of his father. Son equal to God himself. Bigger than God.

      The fight for longevity

      Petrov was told to take care of his health. If he wants to live long. And keep a diary. Self-monitoring of blood pressure. Every evening at the same time he had to measure it, and write down the testimony. Here he sits, so serious, focused on his longevity, he measured the pressure and wants to write it down. But the pen does not write. He shakes her. Does not write. He knocks it on the table. Does not write. What he just does not do with a pen. Does not write. As if to harm him. So, the poor man, he got nervous that his apoplexy was enough. Here they are, the fruits of the struggle for longevity.

      Future

      What will the world be like tomorrow? I can definitely answer – the same as yesterday. And in a week? The same as today. And in a year? With a high probability, the world will remain the same as it is now. The only difference is that you may change something in your environment: buy a new phone; update your wardrobe; change jobs or move to live in another country. But all this will not fundamentally change your life. And the world you live in. The future will not come. The future we all dream of. And we dream of a future that will be fundamentally different from the present in which we live. A future where everything is possible: immortality; panacea for all diseases; general prosperity and the absence of poverty; gaining omnipotence.

      Being and Consciousness

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