The Courage Playbook. Gus Lee

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”

       —Ralph Waldo Emerson

“My heartache,” said Dr. Gary Persons, “is Dr. Aiden Bellevue.¹ He's brilliant and wins Blue Ribbons for loving himself. When he's not ticking people off, he's threatening them. He's Teflon‐coated against HR counseling, discipline, and pay cuts. The more I try to correct Aiden, the harder he fights me. I love his brain but hate his character and he's hurting a mission‐essential project. If I keep him, I fear key folks will quit. If I fire him, he'll tie us up in litigation and probably wreck the project. So, what's your wise counsel?”

      Our responses to discomfort and tough questions say much about where we are and how well we cope with challenges in a highly competitive world.

Dr. Persons is a tall and trim science leader who looks like an ambassador to a very important place. Impeccable apparel suggested attention to detail. A sharp, unblinking gaze said he didn't suffer fools and didn't want to hear about an easy, shiny‐object, quick‐fix idea. He'd heard those before from consultants whom he concluded had mostly tried to make him feel better without helping find the fix.

      What is wise counsel? Upon what do you usually base your decisions?

      We often rely on feelings to make decisions. Feelings are emotional states that can overcome rational thinking and do great damage. Luckily, conscience and experience can mitigate impulses and prevent us from giving in to blame and anger.

      Dr. Gary Persons owned a 200‐pound brain, command of the Scientific Method, and success in career advancement but was stymied by Dr. Bellevue. Gary had tried many clever, quick, expedient, short‐term options which had only made matters worse.

      I asked, “Where do Dr. Bellevue and your heartache begin?”

      He hesitated. “I was going to blame Aiden, but truly, my heartaches are mine. Ergo, it's very possible that it begins with me.”

      I was impressed with Dr. Persons’ speed in moving from blaming others to courageously looking at his opportunities to improve as a colleague, a leader, and as an individual.

      Note

      1 1. Non‐historical names are pseudonyms unless otherwise indicated.

1 Step One: Where Am I? I Assess Myself

       “If you do not change direction, you may end up where you are heading.”

       —Lao Tzu

      The first step in the Scientific Method is to objectively observe phenomena. To advance our courage, we must first calmly assess ourselves.

      I said, “Gary, as we discussed earlier, we begin the journey to courage with the Biography Form to figure out our starting point. It gives us insights about how we can better handle ourselves and relate to and even lead others. Those insights might link your personal life history with your Aiden Bellevue heartache.”

      Gary completed a biography form and we now jump in so you can do the same.

The LOC Biography Form 5

An Army buddy was a brave and brilliant wounded combat veteran with a PhD. Conditioned to face discomfort and tough it out, he ignored persistent chest pains. Candid as a professional, he wasn't honest with his VA physician or his friends, so he'd survived the terrible and constant dangers of deadly close‐quarters combat only to let heart disease kill him as he was peacefully gardening.

      Looking at ourselves often involves discomfort, and we feel like using denial to get a momentary illusion that we can avoid unpleasant feelings. Denial is the opposite of courage.

      Thus, I want you to be brutally honest in filling out the Bio. Doing the Bio is a once‐in‐a‐lifetime opportunity to get candid and highly useful information on where you are, what you value, and how you treat yourself and others.

      The Bio uncovers key data. We then leverage your honesty about your past and present to build your courageous abilities for the future.

      After each question you'll see a general courage‐based comment in italics.

      Do your best to not read the comment until after you've thoughtfully answered the question.

      Ready to be totally and courageously honest with yourself? Take a deep, diaphragmatic breath, slowly exhale completely, begin, and enjoy!

       “Courage doesn't happen when you have all the answers. It happens when you are willing to face the questions that you have been avoiding your whole life.”

       —Shannon L. Alder, author1

      LOC Biography Form 5^©

      This form asks 53 personal insight questions. It has 3 sections:

       Personal Information | Reflections | Courage

      It will take about an hour. This is like driving; do not do this if you are tired.

      If uncertain about an answer, pick what people who know you would probably choose.

Section I: Personal Information (13 Questions)

      1 Words that describe the quality of the relationships with your parents & siblingsAs an adolescentYour answer above is a reminder of the power of our pasts. Many find that patterns of relationships in adolescence have an impact on how we now relate to people in general.TodayImproving difficult family relationships shows you can do the same with other people. If stress persists in these situations, you'll find that The Playbook will offer possible solutions.

      2 What were the actual living conditions of your home life from earliest memory to age 18? Read across each row in Figure 1.1 and check the one that is closest to your experience.Per Professor J. Garbarino, early childhood trauma returns to haunt us. Do your answers tell you something? Do they form a pattern? What does the pattern tell you? Items C, D, E, G, I, and K can play significant roles on your path to courage. You might want to pay particular attention to these items if you answered them in the Y and Z columns. I had many Z responses and dedicated time to go through therapists until I found an effective, change‐based one.COLUMN XCOLUMN YCOLUMN ZAEconomically stable Economically inconsistent Economically unstableB Emotionally nourishing Emotionally inconsistent Emotionally unsafe/traumaticC Unconditional affection Some affection Little affectionD Very high ethical principles Some ethical principles Whatever worksE Consistent fairness Some fairness Little fairnessF High responsibility Some responsibility Little responsibilityG No depression Some depression Depression was commonH Trained to do the right thing Some training to act rightly Little training to act rightlyI Adults did the right thing Adults struggled to act rightly Adults seldom did the right thingJ Healthy arguing Unhealthy arguing Violent arguingK Physically, emotionally safe Physically, emotionally uneven Physically, emotionally unsafeL Regular meals with family Irregular meals I was on my ownFigure 1.1 Home Life Living Conditions

      3  Many of us struggled in adolescence and junior high. Which of your teenage personality traits were the most difficult?Many find that what was a challenge for us as teens can reappear in adulthood. True for you?

      4 Read across the rows in Figure