Men's bikes. A play for 5-8 people. Comedy. Nikolay Lakutin

I only managed to have scrambled eggs, but let's have a snack with you now, and then I'll do something more serious …

      Claudia is already coming close to her husband. She had already seen traces of lipstick on it and this sight did not please her at all. She interrupts her speech, starts sniffing her husband, who smells of someone else's feminine perfume.

      Vasily does not attach any importance to what is happening at all, he has no idea what Lucy is carrying from him and that he is covered in traces of her thoughtless kisses.

      Vasily happily looks into the frying pan, rubs his hands contentedly.

      Vasily (optimistically, smiling, that it is generally inappropriate for him now, rather rubbing his hands). Oh! Yaishenka! Two pieces! Great, let's, as they say, kick in the egg!

      Claudia (in a very strange tone, having already made some conclusions for herself about her husband and his appearance). Well no… first, perhaps, still on the head.

      Vasily (completely not understanding what it is about). What, I'm sorry?

      Claudia, without thinking twice, hits her husband on the head with this very frying pan. Scrambled eggs, of course, fly out of the frying pan wherever God sends.

      Vasily also flies away from the impact of the frying pan somewhere to the side.

      Claudia puts her hands on her hips, holds a frying pan, looks displeased at her husband.

      The husband looks around with completely dazed eyes. Where is he, what is he? What happened at all? He somehow gets up, maneuvers a little in space, keeps his balance, looks at his wife with an inquiring look. Silent.

      Claudia (severely). Is there anything you want to tell me?

      Vasily (in a strange tone). Want… I really want to.

      Claudia (severely). Come on, I'm listening!

      Vasily (in a strange tone). To begin with, the frying pan is pretty hot!

      Claudia (severely). You essentially explain! Why are you covered in lipstick? Why do you smell like a woman's perfume? Where have you been rustling?

      Vasily examines himself, searches and finds.

      Finally understands what's what, and to some extent sighs with relief.

      Vasily (a little nervously and as a result – not too plausible). And … you mean it. So it's Lucy!

      Claudia (sternly, displeased). Also Lucy?

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Well yes… such a name… there is… in the world. It pisses me off… it's been a long time. From school still.

      Claudia (sternly, displeased). And what kind of Lucy is this? Where did it come from on your cheeks, on your neck???

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). So… That's what I'm saying. My classmate is Lucy. In general, she was always "inadequate", although for some reason she considered me to be a fool.

      Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). Did you meet an abnormal classmate?

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Well..!

      Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). And she kind of pounced on you for no reason, but how can we hug and kiss, right? Was that how it was?

      Vasily, hearing this description of events, raises his hands in surprise, saying, "how do you know everything", his face expresses agreement, which looks like a mockery in his situation.

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Here… that's exactly how it was!

      Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously). Vasya? Do you really take me for an idiot, right? You tell these stories to your colleagues, maybe they will believe it. And I don't need to be sprinkled with such stories. (To the viewer) What kind of men? They can't even come up with a normal excuse. They all have a little something – so immediately some crazy classmate pounced, kissed, hugged… (Turns to her husband) Not raped by an hour, no?

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). You know… there was a risk. But I defended my honor!

      Claudia (sternly, discontentedly, incredulously, with sarcasm). You're my risky bastard! Come quickly, I will reward you for your bravery!

      Claudia threatens with a frying pan. Vasily seems to approach at first, but seeing that his wife never believes him at all and takes what he says for lies, and even waves a frying pan, he steps back.

      Vasily (a little nervous and as a result – not too plausible). Klav? I'm telling you the truth. She passed by, saw, recognized, damn her. Literally rushed to hug and kiss. She meowed something there that she was getting married, said goodbye and left. I swear to you, I haven't seen her in a thousand years and I wouldn't see her three times that many. I have nothing to do with it at all! What was I supposed to do? Tell me? To fight off her with a suitcase, as it happened not once, in school years… only the briefcase was used then. Sort of… not kids anymore. Yes and… I would honestly say I fought back, but she caught me by surprise. I would not disdain to hang her feed on the head with a suitcase a couple of times. Clingy – sticky… Ugh!

      Claudia (severely, discontentedly, incredulously). Well, well …

      Vasily nods heart-rendingly, does not know how else to explain his appearance.

      Claudia (severely). Vasya?

      Vasily (warily). And?

      Claudia (carefully, carefully). Do you still love me?

      Vasily (relieved). My God, yes of course – I love. Well, what are you doing?

      Claudia (exhaling heavily). Okay… Whatever it is, I don't want to know. Love is already something, we'll see about the rest, we'll observe. Go, wash, change clothes… (nervously, disgustedly) Take it all off, and come to the kitchen, we'll have dinner. I'll go back to the table to think about something.

      Claudia nervously, restrainedly freaking out, goes back to the kitchen, Vasily picks up the scrambled eggs with his hands from the floor, and also leaves.

      ZTM.

      Scene 3. Somewhere on the street

      A lyrical composition sounds.

      The light turns on smoothly. Danil and Valeria are quite naturally kissing, and, apparently, for a long time. Everything is fine with them, everything is enviably fine with them.

      The music fades and stops.

      The couple reluctantly stop their long kiss, gently and lovingly look at each other.

      Danil (gently). Valeria, you're just a goddess, you're just… I don't know what else to call you. I'm flying with you, I'm not myself, I'm not myself at all, I'm just all in you. I'm living with you, you understand that in general, I… I… I just adore you. Like a fool. Like crazy. How… how…

      Valeria (smiling, gently interrupting). … And I love you even more!

      Again, the couple connects in a passionate kiss.

      But Valeria seems to be trying to gradually gently gently move away.

      Danil interrupts the kiss.

      Danil (gently). What is it? Is something wrong?

      Valeria (smiling guiltily, tenderly). Danya, darling, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Time is running out, I already have to run. You know, my husband called fifteen minutes ago, I already had to run. Now if I'm still idle at the bus stop, then there will be a scandal. It seems to me that he has already begun to suspect something. Then he tries to peek into my phone when I type you a message, then he calls ten times a day. I notice some suspicious looks from him. We should probably be a little more careful for now. Let's at least take a break for a couple of weeks, and then we'll catch up, okay?

      Danil makes a sad, pathetic, pitiful face, like the one the cat did in Shrek.

      Valeria (smiling guiltily, tenderly). Well, miiiiiii, well, you know. I love you madly, but if unnecessary turmoil starts in my family there now, then it will