Solstices. Crisalis .

      31 October

      Remembering our ancestors….New Year for witches and sorcerers……

      ∞ Transitions ∞

      ∞ going into the dark season ∞

      ∞ remembering the dead ∞

      ∞ looking deep into ourselves, deep into the earth ∞

      If we aren’t able to shed our fear of death, we won’t be able to enjoy our life – that’s what we’ve been told. If we can’t lose our fear of death, we’ll waste most of our life running from old age, disease and death, and we won’t be able to live the life that was our original destination. Buddhist teachers recommend we contemplate death once a day. Otherwise, each day will be in vain, because we are caught in our illusions. Only by looking back from the point of death we will be able to understand how relative our reality. This knowledge opens the door to freedom, freedom of determination and narrow-mindedness.

      At Samhain the veil between the worlds is very thin, only matched by that on Beltane. We can try to get in contact with our ancestors. By contacting them it might become easier to understand the inconceivability of death. By feeling the presence of our ancestors, we can overcome some of our fears. Even if the goddess might never answer our questions about why we have to suffer, fall ill, get old and die, we might perhaps be able to develop some kind of understanding, beyond all words and thoughts. Feeling the presence of our ancestors – those who have suffered, lived and loved before us – might inspire our awareness of an eternal life, might reassure us that this life is not in vain, and not without aim.

      Suggestion for a ritual for Samhain: The best place for Samhain is a cave. We start our walk at dusk. If we are sure-footed we might go without a light, carefully, slowly, feeling our way through the darkness. Once we reach the cave, we sit down in silence and feel the earth surrounding us. The direction of Samhain is north, and the element of north is earth and the rocks which surround us.

      Once everyone has settled down, we try to contact our ancestors. We remember them and honour them. We remember the losses of the current year, the illnesses, pain, disappointments, loss of loved ones or pets. Where are they now? Can we feel them beside us? If we feel like it, we can share our pain with those present in the cave. It is very important to speak thoughtfully and listen carefully, opening our heart and sending sympathy when others tell their tale. If we manage to share our mourning and our pain, this on its own will bring comfort and healing. When everyone who is willing to speak has spoken, we light the candles we brought along. Afterwards we place our gifts for the ancestors in the northern part of the cave and leave the cave in silence.

      After the ritual we hold a feast with the food we have brought. If we decide to hold the feast outside, we light a warming fire.

      Place of the ritual in the annual cycle: At the beginning of autumn we gave thanks for the harvest and for the abundance of that year. After Samhain, the dark season begins. Autumn is almost over and the days are short, cold and often very wet. It is the time for indoor activities, time to get some inner calm. In this dark time of the year, which is ahead now, we should consciously think about the darkness, retreat into ourselves, meet our fear head on, in order to be cleansed and able to light the light for the New Year at solstice.

      During the following days Charlotte felt peaceful and filled with a quiet joy. She was thankful for meeting Christiane and for the fact that Christiane had healed a little. And she was really enjoying Cleo’s presence. She liked it very much when Cleo snuggled against her in the evenings, and softly stroked her face with her paw in the mornings when the alarm clock went off, as if to make sure Charlotte was awake. Often, when the cat cuddled against her, she felt her heart open and this alone caused parts of her to heal. Charlotte also had the impression that Cleo always settled down on parts of her body that were tense and where the energy flow was blocked or something seemed to be jammed. It was obvious to Charlotte that it was not only the warmth of the cat’s body that started to flow but also healing energy.

      Also during those days Charlotte worked on some strenuous projects. She had published the announcement of the 'Origin and Function of Sexual Abuse in our Society' seminar series at Synergia. The text of the announcement alone had inspired heated discussions. The board of directors, who considered their company as progressive and a leader of society, had announced their participation and announced their attendance, without exception.

      One night Charlotte went to bed late, dead tired from several days’ exhausting work. She slid into a terrible nightmare, which she wasn’t able to shake off. She felt herself breaking into a sweat, and helplessly tried to wake up, but she couldn’t free herself from being pulled into the nightmare. She saw herself standing, quite lost, in a yard she didn’t know. She felt as if she had been in shock for weeks. One part of her was sailing up there with the fluffy white clouds in the dark blue sky. That part seemed calm and relaxed, looking down on her, Sarah, as she stood there. The long black hair fell in long soft curls over her shoulders. Charlotte could see Sarah in her dream and at the same time she was Sarah.

      Sarah held her face to the sun and asked herself why she felt so calm. Maybe she was already dead? At any rate, she didn’t have a mind of her own any more. She was at Hans’s mercy, for better or worse. She followed him mindlessly through the day, waiting for his orders. For example now, when Hans came out of the house and signalled her to come over. One short order, 'Sarah!' Sarah moved without hesitation or thinking, unable to act in any other way. For a moment she asked herself whether there was any deeper significance in this perverse game.

      Hans marched towards the cellar and as Sarah followed him down the steps she watched his sun-tanned, strong neck. She knew that there was a man living in the cellar, or perhaps he was incarcerated there? She had seen him once from a distance. He probably wasn’t Jewish, but he had the aura of an intellectual person. She had been astonished to see what Hans was doing with him.

      With a dominant gesture, Hans gave her to understand to wait in the first room of the cellar. Suddenly she knew by intuition what was going to happen. But she couldn’t feel sorry, nor could she feel compassion. She only felt burnt out, empty and cold. She didn’t even wonder why Hans enjoyed her being present in this. So she just waited in this warm, well-lit, grey cellar and felt nothing apart from a tiny shiver of fear. She didn’t hear anything either, but when she heard Hans’s boots on the cement floor, she knew that the other man was dead. Hans obviously hadn’t shot him, but must have chosen some silent way of killing him.

      She didn’t have long to muse about these things, because now she was ordered to undress. Hans had a way of giving and enforcing out orders that suggested they were sensible – perhaps to some extent unpleasant, but for the good of everyone present. He indicated that she needed to be taught a lesson and came towards her with his fist extended. When confronted with her strength and her well-sculpted abdomen he shuddered. Then he started to punch her in the stomach. By combining muscle tensing and breathing, Sarah was able to avoid being injured but she could not avoid the pain. She suddenly had the image of the Amazon in her head, the one she had dreamed of the other night. By letting the images of this strong, well-trained woman flow by her inner eyes, she felt a new strength rising in her.

      Hans became more and more irritated. He couldn’t comprehend this. His restricted way of thinking prevented him from understanding that this strength had its origin in another life, in another time. Even if he could not consciously comprehend that this breathing technique came from a matriarchal culture, he did feel something that for him was unbelievable. Confused, he stopped beating her.

      While she hastily put her clothes back on, she could feel his glances and it chased anxious shivers down her back. He would punish her for her strength. When he got up she followed him out of the cellar. She kept her distance but stayed within ordering distance. Something had happened to her down in the cellar. She had been shocked out of her numbness. The pain and the tension in her stomach muscles seemed to have revived an important element in her.

      Feelings of horror spread inside her. She suddenly became aware of the things Hans and his comrades were doing around her. While she was confined to the house most of the time, cleaning and serving, she was now absolutely certain