If These Bodies Could Talk: True Tales of a Medical Examiner. Алексей Решетун

or other signs of having bled to death, the head had been removed after he was already dead, to simulate a ritual killing. Following three hearings to consider this scientific examination, the Udmurt peasants were acquitted."[7]

      With time, forensic medicine has grown and developed. Thanks to new research, today, it includes a vast range of cutting-edge knowledge and technology, and is one of the most engaging fields of medicine. The Moscow Forensic-Medical Bureau boasts a highly developed scientific and practical infrastructure with leading experimentation and research. Medical students and those from other specialties work here, alongside numerous fascinating, creative people, including world-renowned scientists and young, innovative experts. Institutions carrying out their own "independent" examinations is a recent fad in Russia, which often gives people the false impression that these examinations are indeed independent, and that their conclusions are unbiased and objective. Alas, that is often not the case – and this is the reason why the independent status of state medical examiners is confirmed and enshrined in federal laws. State medical examiners' salaries do not depend on the contents of their conclusions, and the positions of either party relative to a court case have no bearing on their work.

      2. JUST WHO IS A MEDICAL EXAMINER?

      Before writing this section, I asked my blog readers to describe to me what, in their minds, is a medical examiner's appearance. As I expected, most of the responses were heavily influenced by stereotypes they had seen on television and in movies. Movies avoid ever showing medical examiners' offices, and instead prefer the drama of a forensic dissection laboratory – where autopsies are performed on dead bodies. In movies, a medical examiner is almost always an aging man, unshaven, balding, and eccentric, with a sweaty face and a wrinkled white coat. He seems to work exclusively in dimly lit basements, with a messy desk covered in old newspapers and half-eaten food, an ashtray overflowing with cigarette butts, and with mysterious stains on the walls, desk, and his lab coat. The character himself is inevitably strange and constantly making deadpan jokes about his work. Rarely does he leave the laboratory, and when he does, he always manages to be casually chomping on a sandwich or a bag of chips, which he will offer to the investigator, only to be surprised when his offer is rejected. Often, he is portrayed as being a bit tipsy and, in older shows, almost always as a smoker. When the investigator asks for his conclusions, the medical examiner will, without fail, wipe his hands on his coat, whip out his notes, and say, in a weather announcer's voice, "Well, it is just as I suspected…" before once again offering the investigator a chip.

      But there is yet a second type of medical examiner character in movies, which is quite the opposite to the first one. He is also invariably a man, middle-aged, intelligent, always well-dressed, and he speaks in confident tones that assure you he knows absolutely everything about everything. He needs to establish the exact time of death – and he will, right down to the second. He needs to assess the damage – and he will do so methodically, as the picture of calm, without the slightest shred of doubt. For some reason, he does his job, as well as that of the criminal profiler, which has nothing to do with his position. Occasionally, this type of fictional medical examiner may be a woman – she will be efficient, with her hair in a messy bun, clicking around in high heels as she zeros in on the next task on her to-do list. Regardless of which type of medical examiner our screenwriters have chosen, they often mistakenly refer to the character as a "pathologist," who also happens to take photos of the body at the crime scene, gathers fingerprints, and bags up pieces of evidence. Even more surprisingly, along with the investigators, the character will report on the investigation results to the police chain of command! This is what my readers had to say. Enjoy some of their submissions below:

      "I always imagine a medical examiner as a middle-aged man, about fifty-five, and balding with gray hair. He is not married, and he does not have any children. He lives in a small, tiny apartment that belonged to his parents once, which is in shabby condition because his wages are pretty low. He is not very talkative, very calm, and does not have any hobbies because he is always working. He only has one or two friends, who are also doctors, probably people he went to school with. He usually watches television at home. He does not drink much, but he is a heavy smoker. At his age, he is disillusioned with life, has no more dreams or plans. Once he retires, he will continue living the same way he always has."

      "He is average height or a little shorter. He is slightly overweight and unshaven. He is always bald, with hairy arms. He has a bad temper, can be caustic toward others, and occasionally even rude. Many think he comes off as a know-it-all. But his friends love and respect him. Of course, he drinks on the weekends and holidays, but he judges others for losing control. He used to drink too much himself but has managed to get his life together. He quit smoking, too. He has weird hobbies that have nothing to do with his job – like studying Esperanto. He is well read and educated."

      "He is a large, grouchy man. He hates other people, even despises them a little bit. He looks down on them, even if they are physically taller. He divides the world into red, black, and white, and there are no nuances as far as he is concerned. He could slaughter a pig with a nail file if he had to. He is unpretentious in his food, clothes, music, and movies. People around him do not necessarily respect him, but they are a little afraid of him."

      "He is thin, handsome, a ladies' man, a reliable, ordinary guy. He did not start as a doctor, just working as an attendant at the morgue, where his uncle was a medical examiner and took him under his wing. So, after graduating medical school, he returned and never left. He was single for a while, then settled down, got married, had a kid, bought a house, and he has many friends he has known since they were kids… His wife is a good match for him. She is totally the life of the party, so he will never be bored or let his guard down."

      "I imagine him as a huge guy (at least six foot three inches, and 260 pounds), who works out at the gym, but he also has a real dark side. He spends a lot of time drinking alone, among the dead bodies, and thinks about the meaning of life and if any of them ever found it. He is lonely and has no family. If he has kids, their relationship is distant. His apartment is dusty, but he has a good stereo system. He listens to either classical music or death metal, no middle ground. He drives a black Cadillac coupe. And has a knife and scalpel collection hanging on the wall. He has a bunch of books about anatomy on the shelf, and a skeleton in the corner. Maybe it is holding a bottle of liquor and has a cigar in its mouth."

      "The medical examiner on TV is always a man. He is even-tempered, calm, attentive, careful, not particularly talkative, and often an introvert. He likes to be alone, and only talks to those close to him. He has friends, but just a couple of people (they are friends from school or college). He never talks about work at home or around his friends. He likes reading, good movies, good food, or something creative. Sometimes, when he is in the mood, he might pick up some extreme hobbies – skydiving, for example, just to make himself feel alive. I do not know why, but I do not envision any significant others with him. Maybe there is a woman in his life, but she is not nearby. She comes and goes."

      "He's a man between forty-five and sixty-five, with a beard, always standing in the background, a cynical joker, a bachelor, but he likes hitting on women all the time, especially at work. He drinks, but he is not an alcoholic. He might end up spending the night at work, taking his meals in his office."

      "Hmm… he is tall, thin, wearing unfashionable glasses, and really needs a haircut. He has a dog, and he is very detail-oriented, and notices imperfections right away, so it was hard for him to find a wife, and he just ended up single… But he is happy like that and sees nothing wrong with it. He sees every detail around him, but he is slobbish, his personal life is quite a mess, and he's always losing his phone and gloves."

      "He is tired of his job and his low salary; he smokes and drinks because he knows it is a dead-end job."

      "He is cynical and sarcastic, with a lot of bad habits, so he looks older than he is. He has no fashion sense, and he lives alone or maybe even with his parents. He had a family once but got divorced because of his crazy work schedule at the morgue or maybe one of his bad habits. He is not athletic, but sometimes he tries to start living a healthy lifestyle. He spends way more time at work than at home. He's loved by his friends and colleagues alike."

      "He

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