Юмористические стихи.Mreadz. MREADZ.COM

Seymour the Snake

Meet the Author Julia Fleming is a feisty first-grader who sees laughter and joy everywhere she looks. Born blind, she now has limited vision due to artificial cornea transplants. She invented the endearing Seymour character and loves others to share his story. Meet the Illustrator Donald Walker is an illustrator, artist, father, and husband. He enjoys anything with art, jujitsu, or homemade Chinese food.

OZ'isms

Melanie Lumsden-Ablan

g'day mate' Youz all know what that means, right? So why, ya reckon, do youz need this little black book? Aussies speak English, don't they? Bloody oath! But hang on a tick, no one's gunna tell ya you'll need a translator! So, if you wanna sound like a 'tru blu dinki di Ocka' (that's a real Aussie to you) & for the 'silly buggers' (the clowns among us) who wanna 'av a good old 'cackle' (laugh) or just for those of you who want a 'deadset rippa' (absolutely fabulous) little souvenir to take home with ya this one's for you! Go on, get into it & give it a go u mug!!

Keep Your Pantheon (and School)

David Mamet

Best known for his precision-blade language and hot-button subject matter, David Mamet shows off a lighter side with his equally dexterous screwball comedy Keep Your Pantheon. Featuring an over-the-hill acting guru who lusts after both his toga-clad protégé Philius and a spot in the Sicilian Cork Festival, Mamet’s play returns to the roots of comedy, paying homage to the Roman playwright Plautus, whose works also inspired Shakespeare’s The Comedy of Errors and the musical A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. This volume also contains School: a crackling curtain-raiser in which two teachers shoot back-and-forth on topics ranging from pedophilia to recycling.Keep Your Pantheon received its world premiere at Center Theater Group in Los Angeles, while the two comic plays received their New York City premiere as a double bill at Atlantic Theater Company. David Mamet’s newest play, The Anarchist, is slated for a Broadway premiere in fall 2012, starring Patti Lupone and Laurie Metcalf.

The Detective in the Dooryard

Timothy A. Cotton

Tim Cotton has been a police officer for more than thirty-years. The writer in him has always been drawn to the stories of the people he has met along the way. Dealing with the standard issue ne’er-do-wells as a patrol officer, homicide detective, polygraph examiner, and later as the lieutenant in charge of the criminal investigation division certainly provides an interesting backdrop—but more often he writes about the regular folks he encounters, people who need his help, or those who just want to share a joke or even a sad story. The Detective in the Dooryard is comprised of stories about the people, places, and things of Maine. There are sad stories, big events, and even the very mundane, all told from the perspective of a seasoned police office and in the wry voice of a lifelong Mainer. Many of the stories will leave you chuckling, some will invariably bring tears to your eyes, but all will leave you with a profound sense of hope and positivity.

The Life and Death of Rochester Sneath

Humphry Berkeley

H. Rochester Sneath no longer exists. And if you wished to put your son's name on the waiting list for Selhurst School, near Petworth, Sussex, you might have a little difficulty. It doesn't exist either. But, as this collection of Sneath's letters, and the replies, proves, you can fool most of the people most of the time. Particularly, it seems, if the people happen to be the head masters of those most English private institutions – public schools.
In early 1948 Sneath began his brief and glorious career. Letters, like canes, mortarboards and jaundiced rugger balls, began to appear in headmasters' offices, whose occupants, with two notable exceptions, appeared to find nothing strange in Sneath's requests or his exhortations. Pompous, indignant, eccentric, pushing, toadying, or just plain dotty, the letters were answered with a seriousness which is barely credible. For he wrote of:
– infestations of rats – the possibility of 'engineering' Royal visits – how to hire a private detective – junior masters with club feet and warty noses – ghosts, cricket, statues, new buildings, 'monster' reunions
George Bernard Shaw was puzzled, Sir Giles Gilbert Scott was booked up, as was Sir Adrian Boult. Sir William Reid Dick was eager. After four or five letters the Master of Marlborough became exasperated, while the head master of St Benedict's was livid. A certain master displayed a cupidity not normally associated with men of the cloth; the new Master of Rugby was grateful for some wise advice; the head master of Stowe could not have been more helpful about sex. There was talk of Sneath succeeding the headmaster of Eton. One head master was so drawn to Sneath that he recommended Selhurst to a prospective parent, who promptly applied for a place on behalf of her son. His name was placed on 'the waiting list for the Waiting List'.
Sneath's letters comprise a gentle and unmalicious, but devastatingly accurate parody of the public school system – a collection so intelligently absurd that it defies adequate description.

A Man Is An Island: The Pithiest Story Ever Told

Jeffrey Baker

Did you hear about the Maitre D' who, pointing to the buffet table, said, "If you see something that's not there, please let us know."? Do you ever appreciate that which isn't there? This is the story of a man who did.

The Fountain of Humor Number 3 (Includes Some Salty Language and RisquÃ© Tellings)

Richard G. Lazar PhD

It is a collection of jokes and stories. These jokes can be read and listened to or read and/or played to people who live, work or love others. The material is helpful to mind and body. It is funny, tasteful and likely to make most people laugh out loud. It's all about feeling good, feeling much better, reducing sad feelings, healing mind and body. All anyone needs to do is to laugh loud and long to feel good and better. Yes, it works. It's not a cure-all for aging and not a Fountain of Youth . . . simply a Fountain of Humorª for all. It is a supply of funny jokes and stories that really helps, for a while, to reduce the depression about aging, the loss of loved ones, chronic illness, loss of sight, sound and mobility. Our jokes and stories are provided through our unique process of selection, customization and cleansing by our "Joke-Jury." This combined publication of text and audio has been designed so that: A healthy person can see and hear the jokes and laugh. A blind or partially blind person can hear the jokes and laugh. A deaf or partially deaf person can see the jokes and laugh. Even the dying find something to laugh about for a moment in time and will ask for more jokes. My father-in-law, terminally ill with cancer, called often in his last year asking my wife and me to read a joke or two to him. Hearing him laugh from miles away also opened the door to comforting conversation and made it easier for all of us. This is mighty important for all of us. An 85-year-old, losing her mental capacities, repeatedly asked for our jokes to be read to her. It comforted her right up to her passing. A professional woman purchased the set for "signing" to groups of deaf people. She works with them as the audio version plays the jokes for her. How Best to Use Fountain of Humor in Groups: Instructions are provided on how to read them to diverse audiences in institutional settings or families or to their friends. We believe that the elderly, infirmed, families or just two people enjoy the togetherness and communal feeling that laughter brings. People love having jokes read to them. That "legitimizes" laughing out loud. Everyone wants to laugh, whether they are kids age 1 or 100.

A Massive Swelling: Celebrity Re-Examined As a Grotesque, Crippling Disease and Other Cultural Revelations

Cintra Wilson

Whether you lust after it, loathe it, or feign apathy toward it, fame is in your face. Cintra Wilson gets to the heart of our humiliating fascination with celebrity and all its preposterous trappings in these hilarious, whip-smart, and subversive essays. Often radical and always a scream, Wilson takes on every sacred cow, toppling icons as diverse as Barbra Streisand, Ike Turner, Michael Jackson, and-for obvious reasons-Bruce Willis. She exposes events like the Oscars and even athletic jamborees as having grown a "tumescent aura of Otherness." Wilson's scathing and irresistible dissections of Las Vegas as "the Death Star of Entertainment," and Los Angeles as "a giant peach of a dream crawling with centipedes" pulse with her enlightened rejection of all things false and vain and egotistical. Written with her trademark zeal and intelligence, A Massive Swelling is the antidote for the fame virus that infects us all.

Comedy Made Easy

David Kline Lovett

This book helps you to write and deliver jokes to attract more money, honey and health into your life. What makes this book unique is that it has 123 joke templates. The templates allow even someone who considers themselves as not funny the ability to easily write and present original funny jokes. This book is much more than simply writing and delivering jokes. When one has the ability to create and present original humor they have the power to create a better world for themselves. Having the gift of humor gives you more: 1. Health 2. Wealth 3. Love It is proven than laughter and humor improves your health, that funny people are more liked and respected. People who are more liked and respected have an easier path to more financial success.

Non-Compete Agreements: An Employee Perspective

Ron Hummer

It's always tough for people to lose their job, especially when unemployment rates are at their highest in this country. Yet, what happens when people not only lose their job but are told that they can't work for companies that are considered competitors due to their non-compete agreement. Non-compete agreements. It's probably the biggest weapon in the arsenal that a company can use today. Yet we hardly ever hear stories on the news regarding this topic, unless you live in Massachusetts. What we don't know is that non-compete agreements can lead to a career of indentured servitude for employees who sign them. Suddenly, they are locked out their industry and they have to apply for jobs that they are unqualified for if they want to resign or are terminated. In my book, non-compete agreements, an employee perspective, I will take you on a journey through my career and show you the impact that non-compete agreements have had on my life. This will include how my career got started before there were non-compete agreements as well as job interviews that I have had over the past 15 years. This is a no holds barred look at what happens to people like me who sign a non-compete agreement and the problems that result from it. In addition, I will give you information on research I have done on stories regarding non-compete agreements to show why this needs to be regulated by the government.