Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

المفخمين رشيد باشا وسامى باشا * ثم سافر من باريس الى لندن وسياتى الكلام على وصف هاتين المدينتين العظيمتين* ثم من لندن الى قرية فى بلاد الفلاحين وفيها القى العصا وعندها اقف انا ايضا *

      Next he traveled from Marseilles to Paris, where he and his trunk were likewise searched at its customs house. The customs officers of the latter city seemed to believe that their colleagues in the former had gone to sleep while on night duty and the devil had urinated in their ears and as a result their eyes had been made too blurry to see what was in the trunk, or that they’d taken a bribe, like other civil servants. He stayed in Paris three days, in the house occupied by the embassy of the Sublime State,⁵⁴ where he enjoyed the privilege of kissing the hands of the August Ministers and Honored Marshals Rashīd Pasha and Sāmī Pasha. Then he left Paris for London; these two mighty cities will be described later. From London he went to a village in peasant country, where he hung up his hat and where I too shall now call a halt.

      الفصل الرابع

      ڡي شروط الرواية

      Chapter Four

      The Rules for Retelling

      4.4.1

      لم يمض على الفارياق فى مدى عمره مدة هى انحس واشقى من المدة التى قضاها فى تلك القرية * لان قرى بلاد الانكليز ليس فيها من محل لهو واجتماع وانس وحظّ البتة * وانما اللهو والحظ فى المدن الكبيرة * وفضلا عن ذلك فليس فى القرى شى يباع للماكول والمشروب سوى ما لا احتفال به * ومن كان عنده دجاجة او طرفة بعث بها الى احدى المدن القريبة * فمن شآ ان ينقطع عن الدنيا او يترهّب فعليه بها * اما النسآ هناك ففيهن من تشفى من القمه بل تمنى بالقرم * الا ان الغريب محروم منهن * اذ كل ذات ظلف ملازمة لفحلها فليس من سائب مبهَل الا العجائز *

      In all his life, the Fāriyāq never spent a more unpleasant and arduous time than he did in that village,⁵⁵ for the villages of England are altogether without places in which to be entertained, to meet, to enjoy oneself, or to have fun; enjoyment and fun are to be had only in the large cities. In addition, such food and drink as are sold in them are no cause for celebration, for anyone who has a chicken or anything special sends it to one of the nearby towns. Anyone who wishes to cut himself off from the world or feels a calling to be a monk should hie himself to them. As for their women, some of them will cure a loss of appetite or even bestow a raging lust, but the outsider is denied access to them. Every cloven hoof stays close to her bull and the only loose, free-ranging beasts are the old ones.

      4.4.2

      ثم بعد مضى شهرين عليه وهو على هذه الحالة المشؤمة انتقل الى مدينة كمبريج مصدر القسوسة وعلم الكلام * فان جل قسيسى الانكليز يمضون اليها او الى اكسفورد ليتعلموا فيها الالهيات والمناظرة * وفى هاتين المدينتين ايضا سائر طلاب العلم على اختلاف طبقاتهم ودرجاتهم * ومن احدى مدارس كمبريج نبغ نيوطون الفيلسوف المشهور * فاكترى الفارياق فيها مسكنين فى دار كما هى العادة ومكث يترجم بقية الكتاب الذى مرّت الاشارة اليه سابقا * وكان فى تلك الدار جارية دعجآ كاعب وكذا سائر الوصائف غالبا * فكان الفارياق يراها كل ليلة تطلع الى غرفة احد السكّان ثم بعد هنيهة ليست باطول من قولك عمت مسآء يسمع لها نغمة ايغافية * وكانت صاحبة المنزل تراها نازلة من عند الرجل فى الساعة العاشرة ونحوها من الليل ولا تكترث بطلوعها ولا بنزولها * فاذا جآت فى الصباح لتصلح فراش الفارياق حملق فيها وحدّق فلم يرَ فيها علامة تدل على انها كانت هى صاحبة النغمة * فيظن ان ذلك كان وهمًا منه نشا عن اللهج بالايغاف * فاذا جآ الليل عادت النغمة وعاد اليقين * فاذا كان الصباح عادت الحملقة وعاد التصاون وعاد الشك والحيرة وهلم جرا * حتى كاد ذلك يشوش عقل الفارياق ويفسد عليه الترجمة التى طالما كان يخشى عليها الخلل والفساد من قضية ما نسائية *

      After two months in these calamitous conditions, he moved to the city of Cambridge, wellspring of the clergy and of the science of theology, since most English clergymen go there or to Oxford to learn divinity and apologetics. These two cities are also home to all other students, in all their diversity of class and standing. The celebrated philosopher Newton was the brilliant son of one of the Cambridge colleges. There the Fāriyāq rented, as is the custom, two sets of rooms in a house, where he stayed, translating the rest of the book referred to earlier.⁵⁶ In the same house there was a full-breasted girl with wide black eyes, which is how most of the maids there are. Every night the Fāriyāq would see her going up to the room of one of the lodgers. Then, after a time not longer than it takes to say “Good evening!” he would hear her produce a kineto-penetrative gasp. The mistress of the house used to see her coming down from the man’s room at ten or so at night but had no interest in her ascents and descents. In the morning, when the girl came to make the Fāriyāq’s bed, he would stare at her and observe her closely but could see no sign to indicate that she was the gasper. He therefore assumed that it was a delusion born of his fervent desire for penetration. Then night would come and the gasp would be there again, and so would his certainty. With morning the staring would be repeated as would the pretence of virtue, and the doubt would be there and so would the confusion, and so on and so forth. Things got so bad that the Fāriyāq’s mind almost became unhinged and started to spoil the translation, which he had long feared might fall victim to shortcomings and mistakes due to some issue related to women.

      4.4.3

      وهنا ينبغى ان اقرفص واقول * ان هذه المزيّة السنّورية اى الاكل خفوة وان يكن وجودها ملحوظا فى النسآ على الاعمّ الا انها فى نسآ الانكليز على الاخصّ * فان المتّصفة منهن بما اتصفت به السيدة المدقم فى فصل حدنبدى تتظاهر فى النهار بصفات الورع والتقوى والنفورية والقذورية