Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

برّزوا على مشايخهم * وانهم اذا ضمهم مجلس لم يكن منهم الا الحديث عن البيع والشرآ * فيقول احدهم قد جآنى اليوم جندىّ من الترك فى الصباح ليشترى شيا فتطيرت من صباحه واستفتاحه * اذ لا يخفى عنكم ان الجندى يستدين ولا يقضى دينه * واذا تكرم بنقد الثمن فما يعطى التاجر الا نصفه * فقلت له ما عندى مطلوبك ياافندى * وانما اردت تفخيمه بهذا اللقب ليتادب معى * فما كان منه الا ان دخل الحانوت وبعثر البضاعة كلها واخذ ما اراد منها وما لم يرد * ثم ولّى وهو يسبنى * فيقول آخر وانا ايضا جرى لى مع سيدة من نسآء الترك واقعة * وذلك انها بكرت علىّ اليوم وهى تنوء بحليّها * واقبلت باسمة الىّ وقالت هل عندك ياسيدى حرير مزركش * قلت وقد استبشرت عندى * فقالت ارنى المتاع فاريتها اياه * فتداركتنى بالخفّ وقالت امثلى يرى هذا * ارنى غير ذلك * فاريتها ما اعجبها فاخذته وقالت ابعث معى من يقبض الثمن * فبعثت غلامى فتبعها حتى دخلت دارا كبيرة وامرت حاجبها بضرب الغلام وايلامه * الا ان الحاجب لما كان من الترك وراى الغلام امرد لم يطاوعه قلبه على ضربه لكن انفذ فيه امر سيدته بما اوصل من الاذى والالم * وهكذا ينقضى نهارهم بالمكروه وليلهم بذكره * واظن ان التاجر يطرب بمجرد ذكر البيع والشرآ وان لم يكن فيه ربح *

      “Turning now to your question concerning the hospitability of this town, in the days of their first forefathers they were exceedingly liberal and generous. However, when they started to excel in the world of commerce and to mix with the people of those Frankish hats that you wot of, they caught from them their reticence, miserliness, bad faith, and avarice; indeed, they’ve come to surpass their teachers. When they find themselves gathered together, the only talk they make is of buying and selling. One will say, ‘Today, a Turkish trooper came to me in the morning to buy something, which I took as an evil omen for the morning and for the start of business, for, as you well know, troopers incur debts but don’t pay them, and if they’re gracious enough to provide the price in cash, they give the merchant only half. So I told him, “I don’t have what you’re looking for, effendi” (showing him the deference of this title solely in the hope that he would treat me politely). No sooner did he hear my words than he entered the store and threw the goods everywhere, taking what he wanted and what he didn’t. Then he left, shouting insults.’ Another will say, ‘I too had a run-in with a Turkish lady. She sailed in early today, wallowing under the weight of her jewelry, approached me smiling, and said, “Have you, sir, any brocaded silk?” Taking a happy omen from her coming, I said, “I have.” “Show me the goods,” she said, so I showed them to her. Then she leaned forward and gave me a slap with her slipper, saying, “Is one such as I to be shown such stuff? Show me something else,” so I showed her something that she liked, and she took it, saying, “Send someone with me to collect the money,” so I sent my young servant, who followed her till she entered a large house, where she ordered her steward to give the boy a sound drubbing. The steward, however, being a Turk and seeing that the lad was comely and smooth, couldn’t find it in his heart to beat the boy, but implemented his mistress’s command in a different way that nevertheless brought him both injury and pain.’ Thus they pass their days in evil ways and their nights in going over them. I think merchants go into ecstasies simply at the mention of buying and selling, even if they aren’t making a profit.

      2.2.17

      فاما ما جرى لى بعد وصولى فانى نزلت عند خرجى من اصحاب صاحبى الاول * فتبوأت حجرة بالقرب من حجرته * فكنت اسمعه كل ليلة يضرب امراته بآلة فتبدى الانين والحنين * والرنين والخنين * فكان يهيجنى فعله الى البطش به * وكثيرا ما فكرت فى ان اقوم من فراشى لكنى خشيت ان يصيبنى ما اصاب ذاك الاعجمى المتطبب الذى جاور قوما من القبط * وانه سمع ذات ليلة صراخ امراة من جاراته فظن ان لدغتها عقرب وذلك لكثرة وجود العقارب فى بيوت مصر * فقام الى قنينة دوآ تابطها واقبل يجرى * فلما فتح الباب وجد رجلا على امراة يعالجها باصبعه كما هى عادة القوم * فلما راى الطبيب ذلك دهش فوقعت القنينة من يده وانكسرت *

      “As to what befell me after my arrival, I put up at the home of a Bag-man who was the friend of my previous friend. I occupied a room close to his and each night would hear him beating his wife with some implement, while she produced moans and groans, sighs and nasal cries. His acts roused the desire in me to give him a hiding, and I often thought of getting out of bed but was afraid that it would be for me as it was for the Persian who practiced medicine and lived next door to a community of Copts: one night he heard one of his neighbor-women screaming. There being so many scorpions in the houses of Egypt, he thought one must have stung her, and, fetching a flask of medicine, placed it under his arm and set off in her direction at a run. When he opened the door, though, he found a man lying on top of the woman and treating her with his finger, after the custom of that people. When the doctor saw this, he was amazed, and the flask fell from his hand and was broken.

      2.2.18

      وكان هذا الخرجى ابيض اللون ازرق العينين مع صغر واستدارة فيهما * دقيق ارنبة الانف^١ مع عوج فى قصبته * غليظ الشفتين * وانما تكلفت لوصفه لك ليبقى نموذجا عندك تقيس عليه جميع من تراه من الخرجيين وغيرهم * وكان قد اتخذ فوق سطح منزله هرما صغيرا مرصوفا من قنانى الخمر الفارغة * فكان سطحه اعلى سطوح الجيران * قال ثم عنّ له يوما ان يكلفنى انشآ خطبة فى مدح الخرج لكى اتلوها فى مخطب صغير كان قد استاجره * فلما فرغت منها عرضتها عليه فذهب بها الى قيعر قيعار * فقال له ما مرادك ان تصنع بهذه الاحجيّة الخرجية * قال يتلوها منشئها على الناس فما رايك فيها * قال هى حسنة الا ان عيبها هو ان لا يفهمها احد الا انا وهو * ونحن قد قراناها فلا موجب لاعادتها * فعدل عن ذلك *

      ١ ١٨٥٥: الالف.

      “This Bag-man had white skin and blue eyes that were both small and round. His nose had a finely molded tip and went crooked at the bridge, and his lips were thick.