Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

جميع القبَّعيّين ان يخرجوا لملاقاته بالتقليس لا بالتلقيس(٢)(٢) التقليس استقبال الولاة عند قدومهم باصناف اللهو وان يضع الرجل يديه على صدره ويخضع * والتلقيس مبالغة لقسه اى عابه ولقّبه * * فخرجوا على تلك الحالة وهم يضجون ويقولون * اليوم عيد القبعه * اليوم يوم الفرقعه * يااِمّعة ياامّعة * فبصر بهم اعوان الحاكم فى ذلك الصقع فظنوا انهم خلعوا ربقة الطاعه * وشقّوا عصا الجماعه * فبادروهم بالات الاَزّ والبحز والبخز والبزّ والبغز والبهز والجَرز والجلز والحزّ والحفز والخز والدغز والرزّ والرفز والززّ والشخز والشرز والشفز والشكز والضخز والضفز والطعز والعرز والقحز والقلز واللبز واللتز واللزّ واللكز واللقز واللمز واللهز والمحز والمرز والمهز والنحز والنخز والنغز والنكز والنهز والوخز والوكز والوقز والوهز والهبز والهرز والهمز والرهز * حتى جعلوهم عبرة للمعتبر *

      At this, obduracy seized them in its relentless grip, and they grabbed each other by their collars, their pockets, and their shepherd’s sacks, and then by their long hair, and then by their reputations, each man tearing apart that of his friend, meaning his enemy. Next they screamed, appealed for help, and complained of each other before the ruler, each calling the other a fool and reviling him. When it became clear to the ruler that they were both acting like lunatics (shabāziqah),(1)(1) [“like lunatics”:] a shabzaq [plural shabāziqah] is one whom the Devil has afflicted with insanity. he decided it would make better sense to cure them with a heavy fine than to confine them in the pokey. Each then departed, after paying a fine of such and such a number of purses. Afterwards, the first trader adopted a hat that was half and half, that is, half round and half conical, and none but the most learned of scholars and most expert of examiners could tell which it really was, and he returned to his store like a conquering hero or one who’d captured a diḥyah (that’s an army general), or even a prize-winning cockerel. The first thing he did when he reached the edge of the marketplace was to command all the hatters to come out and receive him—with entertainment and salaams (taqlīs), not with reproaches and slams (talqīs).(2)(2) Taqlīs is receiving rulers on their arrival with various sorts of entertainment, and also a man’s placing his hands on his breast and bowing. Talqīs is reproaching someone in an exaggerated fashion, i.e., denouncing him and calling him names. So they went forth accordingly, making noise and saying, “Today is the Feast of the Hat! Today the day of the firecracker! What a twat! What a twat!” and the ruler’s henchmen, beholding them as they crowed, supposed them to have thrown off the yoke of obedience and abandoned their allegiance, so they set upon them with instruments that²⁵ hit, strike, smite, knock, belt, bat, clout, bang, slam, dash, bash, punch, jab, thwack, smack, clap, crack, swipe, whack, wham, whop, clump, bonk, clip, cut, swat, sock, slog, thump, pound, beat, maul, drub, thresh, spank, thrash, whip, slap, club, kick, stamp, stomp, push, shove, and fling, until they had made of them a warning for all who have eyes to see.

      2.1.24

      وفرّ الضوطار بقبعته وقد اوقع قومه فى الخزى والعار مما اصاب الرجال من الرزء ولحق النسآ من الزيادة * ومع ذلك كله فلم يُجْده شيخ السوق المستعَزّ به شيا * بل ظل مكبّا على تعاطى الافيون لطول ارقه وتبييته * وقد سدّ اذنيه ببعض اوراق دفاتر السوق لئلا يسمع صراخ المستجيرين به او يوقظه احد من سباته * فهو راقد الى هذا اليوم اى يوم تدوين هذه الواقعة * فان افاق فللقارى ان يقيد ذلك فى اخر هذا الفصل فقد تركت له محلا *

      انتهت دحرجة الجلمود والحمد لواجب الوجود *

      The market trader then fled with his hat, having landed his people in ignominy and disgrace, which afflicted the men with grievous loss and brought the women even greater, despite all of which the Market Boss, who was so taken with him, thought the matter of no importance. In fact, he continued to devote himself to the taking of opium because of his endless insomnia and nightly brooding; he had stuffed his ears with pages from the market ledgers so that he wouldn’t hear the screams of those who called on him for help and none should wake him from his stupor, and he’s stayed flat on his back to this very day, which is to say, up to the day of the recording of this incident. If he awakes, it will be up to the reader to enter that fact at the end of this chapter, and I have left him space to do that.

      Here ends the rolling of the boulder,

      praise be to the Prime Mover.

      الفصل الثانى

      ڡي سلام وكلام

      Chapter 2

      A Salutation and a Conversation

      2.2.1

      عمتَ صباحا يافارياق * كيف انت * وكيف رايت الاسكندرية * هل تبيّنت نسآها من رجالها فان النسآ فى بلدكم لا يتبرقعن * وكيف وجدت مآكلها ومشاربها وملابسها وهوآها ومآها ومنازلها واكرام اهلها للغربآء * الم يزل براسك الدُوار * وعلى لسانك هجو الاسفار * قال اما موقع المدينة فانيق لكونه على البحر * وقد زادت بهجة بكثرة الغربآ فيها فترى روس ناس مغطاة بطراطير * واخرى بطرابيش * واخرى بكمام وغيرها بمقاعط * واخرى ببرانس وغيرها بعمائم * واخرى باَصناع وغيرها بعصائب * واخرى بعَمارات وغيرها بمداميج * واخرى بنِصاف وغيرها بقبّعات * واخرى بقلانس وغيرها ببراطل * واخرى بسُبوب وغيرها باراصيص(١)(١) الاُرصوصة قلنسوة كالبطيخة * * واخرى باراسيس وغيرها بخنابع * واخرى بقنابع وغيرها بدَنّيّات واخرى بصواقع * وغيرها بصُمُد واخرى بصوامع * وغيرها بمشامذ واخرى بمشاوذ * وغيرها ببرانيط على شكل الشقيط والشبابيط والضفاريط والضماريط والقلاليط والعضاريط والعذافيط والعماريط والقماعيط *