Leg over Leg. Ahmad Faris al-Shidyaq

يضع احدى عينيه على فم جاره والاخرى على عينيه * ثم يغلّ يديه ورجليه * ويقول له اليوم يجب عليك ان تتنحّس(١)(١) التنحّس ترك اكل اللحم * * لان شيخ السوق اصبح متخما يشكو وجعا فى معدته وامعائه واضراسه وهو نحس * فينبغى ان نجانسه ونمسك معه * لا يحل لك لليوم ان تنظر * لان الشيخ المشار اليه اضرّ به طوال السهر البارحة مع ندمآئه ونديماته فغدا وباحدى عينيه الكريمتين رمد او عمش * لا يحل لك اليوم ان تعمل بيديك * ولا ان تحرك رجليك * ولا ان تسمع باذنيك * او تستنشق بمنخريك لان السوق اليوم لم تقم والبياعات لم تنفق * ثم هو اذا قيل له افلا تصلح بين زيد وزوجته فقد خاصمته بالامس بعد ان جآت من حانوتك العالى وتماسكا بالشعور * وحلفت المراة لتمنينَّه بحيزبون او لتشكونه الى احد اصحابك الضواطرة الكبار * او ان عمرا التاجر قد حُبس مذ يومين لكونه دان بعض الامرآء ولم يمكن له ان يحاكمه ويستوفى منه حقه * ففلّسه القاضى واركبه حمارا فى الاسواق ووجهه الى دبر الحمار * او ان فلانا قد مرض ولزم فراشه لانه ناقش بعض خدّام الامير فنكل به الامير ضربا بالعصى على رجليه وصفعًا بالنعال على القذال * فغدا لا حراك به وقد ورمت رجلاه وانتفخ قفاه * لم يكن منه الا قوله ما دام السوق وشيخه سالمين فالدنيا كلها سالمة * والمصالح مستتبَّة والسوق مرفوعة وقائمة * والبطون ملأَى والافواه لاقمه * والاضراس خاضمه * والمِعَد هاضمه * والايدى غانمه * والافراح دائمه * والخيرات متراكمه * والرؤسآ حارمه * والعناية عاصمه * والقادمات بالنذور متزاحمه * والوقوف شاملة عامه * وثغور الامانى باسمه * والسلامة خاتمه * الى السوق * الى السوق * فهو حرز العلوق * وذخر الحقوق * فى الصندوق * فى الصندوق * فهو اولى من الصَبوح والغَبوق *

      And here’s your Market-man, one eye trained on his neighbor’s mouth, the other on his eyes, who then binds him hand and foot and tells him, “Today you have to be ‘distressed’(1)(1) “To be distressed” (tatanaḥḥas) means here “to abstain from eating meat.” for the Market Boss awoke with indigestion, complaining of pains—in other words, ‘distress’—in his stomach, guts, and molars. We must therefore be as he is and abstain along with him”; or “Today you aren’t allowed to use your eyes because staying up late last night with his boon companions (male and female) has laid the aforesaid boss low, and he woke up with pus or rheum in one of his noble peepers”; or “Today you aren’t allowed to work with your hands or to move your feet, and you mustn’t listen with your ears or breathe with your nostrils because no market was held today, and no sales were made.” If someone then says to him, “Can you not make peace between Zayd and his wife, for yesterday she wouldn’t do his bidding after she came back from your most honored store, and they fell to tugging at each other’s hair, and the wife swore she’d make him wish she were an old hag, or would complain of him to one of her friends among the big-time traders?” or “The merchant ʿAmr has been in prison these last two days because he lent money to one of the emirs and couldn’t obtain a judgment against him or recover what he is owed, and the judge bankrupted him and had him mounted on a donkey and paraded through the marketplaces, facing the donkey’s rump,” or “So and so has fallen ill and taken to his bed because he got into an argument with one of the emir’s servants, so the emir punished him by beating him with sticks on his feet and slapping him with slippers on the back of his neck, and the next day he couldn’t move, and his feet swelled up, and his nape was all puffy,” all he’ll say is, “So long as the market and its boss are safe and sound, the rest of the world is too. Business is going well, and the market’s up and running, bellies are full, mouths are munching, stomachs are digesting, molars are crunching, hands are snatching, joys are everlasting, fortunes are accumulating, bosses are prohibiting, Providence is protecting, women bearing ex-votos in droves are arriving, pious bequests are all-encompassing, the mouths of the Fates are smiling, and all’s well that ends well. To market! To market! There’s the box of delights, there the trove of truths! Into the chest! Into the chest! Morning and evening, the chest is best!”

      2.1.22

      وقد طالما والله امتلأ هذا الصندوق ذهبا وجواهر ثم افرغ على تهاتر وترّهات ومباحث فارغة وامور سخيفة * فقد بلغنا ان بعض ضواطرة السوق انفق فى مدة ستّ سنين قضاها بالبحث والجدال على شكل قُبَّعة كذا وكذا بدرة من المال * وتفصيل ذلك انه نظر نفسه ذات يوم فى المرآة وكان قد تعلّم مبادى الهندسة والهيئة * فراى راسه مدوّرا كالبطيخة * فراق له ان يتخذ قبَّعة مدورة على هيئة راسه * لان المدوّر يلائم المدوّر كما تقرر فى الاصول * فرآه بعض مزامليه من سوق آخر وكان اعظم منه قدرا ووجاهة واوفر علما * فسخر منه وقال له مَن وسوس اليك ياابن قُبَعة(١)(١) ابن قُبَعة وقابعآ وصف بالحمق * * حتى لبست هذه القُبَّعة * مع ان شكل راسك مخروط * فقال له قد ضللت بل هو اكثر استدارة من راسك كما يشهد لى بذلك شيخ السوق * قال كذبت بل هو مخروط وان كنتَ كثير العَنَس اليه وانى اهدى من شيخك واقوم طريقا * قال كفرت وعميت عن معرفة نفسك فانَّى لك ان تعرف غيرك * قال تبدَّعت بل انت عَمِه كَمِه وقد حمقت وسفهت فى عدم قبولك النصح * فاليوم ترى الناس المدوّر من المخروط * والسارط من المسروط *

      Many a time, I swear, has that chest been filled with gold and precious stones, only to be emptied again on confrontations, confabulations, pointless investigations, and foolish matters. We have been informed that one of the market traders spent a vast amount of money over a period of six years on study and debate concerning the shape of a certain hat. To be specific, he looked at himself one day in the mirror and, being somewhat acquainted with the principles of engineering and construction, noticed that his head was round, like a watermelon. It therefore seemed appropriate to him that he should adopt the use of a round hat of the same shape as his head, for round goes best with round, as good taste has long determined. One of his colleagues from another market, who was of higher standing and dignity and more learned than he, saw him and