The It Girl: Superstar Geek. Katy Birchall

Subject: You’ve lost it

      You can’t send dogs on missions. They can’t understand what you’re saying. They’re DOGS.

      Judging by today I think it might actually be best if you avoid any tools that produce flames.

      What are you up to tonight, anyway? Let me guess . . . you’ve finished your homework already (geek) and you’re going to watch some film that was made before we were born (nerd). Am I correct?

      J x

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: You’re right

      Pretty much. Dog came back with a lampshade instead of a tool kit. No idea where that came from. Anyway we are now watching this movie Dad is always going on about by that famous guy called Hitchcock. Bit of a slow start but Dad’s recommendations are usually good. This one’s meant to be a classic.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: IMPORTANT

      What film have you put on, Anna? I mean it - this is important!

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: Re: IMPORTANT

      Chill out - it’s called Psycho. Gotta go, it’s starting.

      Love, me xxx

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: ABORT MISSION. MAYDAY. ABORT MISSION!

      Anna - you do not want to watch that movie! I know what you’re like with scary movies! It’s a horror film!!! TURN IT OFF NOW.

      You’ve turned it off, right?

       From: [email protected]

       To: [email protected]

       Subject: (no subject)

      Anna? ANNA? Did you get my last email???

      That’s it. I’m coming over. Don’t build any forts this time.

      J x

       Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley’s phone. Please leave your name, number and any message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.

      * B E E P *

      ‘Hi, Dad! Yeah, it’s me. I know you’re out and about but I thought I’d ring and say hi! And also tell you that I’ve decided to watch that Psycho film you’re always talking about. You know the one by that director Hitchcock you’re always giving long and boring speeches about. It was in the DVD player already and Dog has settled right down so I know he approves. I hope this is entertaining. Enjoy your evening. OK, bye.’

       Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley’s phone. Please leave your name, number and any message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.

      * B E E P *

      ‘DAD! Dad, it’s me. Dad, something awful has happened! Dad, she got stabbed. IN THE SHOWER. I can’t BELIEVE that you let me watch something like that, that you actually ENCOURAGED me to watch that film. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I hope you know what this means. I WILL NEVER SHOWER AGAIN.’

       Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley’s phone. Please leave your name, number and any message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.

      * B E E P *

      ‘Hey, Dad, so I was thinking. Maybe you could come home soon? Just quickly, you wouldn’t have to miss anything. You could just come home, check the house for murderers and then go back on out. Think about it. OK, bye. OH MY GOD. THE DOORBELL JUST RANG. DAD, DAD, YOU HAVE TO COME HOME.’

       Hi, you have reached Nick Huntley’s phone. Please leave your name, number and any message and I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you.

      * B E E P *

      ‘Um, Mr Huntley? Uh yeah, hi, this is Jess. You know, Anna’s friend from school. Just to let you know that you can ignore all those messages she left you. I came over and found her in the cupboard hiding behind the Henry Hoover, holding your golf club. She’s a bit better now though so you don’t need to worry. Lucky I know where your spare key is, hey! Anyway, hope you enjoy your evening. Uh yeah, bye.’

      Jess was waiting by my locker when I came into school the next day.

      ‘Morning, sunshine. How are you feeling?’

      ‘Um,’ I replied, trying to ignore the glares of everyone passing us. ‘Not brilliant.’

      ‘I thought you might say that, which is why I bought you some of these.’ She reached into her bag and pulled out some Milk Bottles.

      ‘Thanks, but I’m not sure even Milk Bottles can help this time.’

      ‘Look, don’t worry about these guys,’ she said, gesturing to a group of Year 9s who giggled as they walked past. It looked like the whole school knew. ‘It will all blow over.’

      ‘I don’t think it will somehow. I’m destined to be the girl who set Josie Graham on fire for the rest of my school career.’

      ‘Don’t be silly. It was an accident, everyone knows that.’ Jess shrugged.

      ‘Really?’

      ‘Of course. Danny said he overheard Brendan Dakers saying it was an accident.’

      ‘What?’ I said in utter shock. ‘Brendan Dakers said that? Are you sure?’

      ‘Yes. Try not to swoon too much. It’ll probably work in your favour, considering for some unknown reason people in this school tend to hang on his every word.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Apparently he also said it was hilarious to watch.’

      ‘Something tells me that Josie won’t have found it so funny.’ The first bell rang and I sighed. ‘I wish I didn’t have to go to class.’

      ‘Just laugh about it – no one was hurt.’ Jess gave me a friendly nudge. ‘It’s like I said last night.’

      ‘Speaking of which, Dad wanted me to thank you again for coming over and rescuing me. Who knows how long I would have been in that cupboard for.’

      ‘No worries. Right, I better head otherwise I’m going to be late and I’ve already been given a warning about my timekeeping.’ Jess swung her bag over her shoulder.

      ‘Jess, you can’t leave me. Sophie Parker is in this lesson. She’s going to kill me. You don’t get away with setting fire to her best friend lightly.’

      ‘How could she kill you? She doesn’t have any weapons.’

      ‘I’m not sure that would stop her.’

      ‘I think her sister had a black belt. She used to go to school here. She might have taught Sophie how to karate-chop you.’

      ‘A lot of saliva is building up in my mouth right now.’

      ‘Calm