Barry Loser is the best at football NOT!. Jim Smith

right, I can’t imagine not having my Mini Shaz,’ said Sharonella, giving hers a peck. ‘And they grow up so fast, don’t they!’

      Bunky, whose Crying Freakoid is called Bunky Two, nodded. ‘Life’s never the same once you’ve had one of these little critters,’ he sniggled. He patted Bunky Two on the head and it immedikeely stopped crying.

      ‘Uh-oh, looks like somebody’s hungry,’ said Gordon, pointing at his Freakoid. Its mouth was wide open, digital drool dripping out of it.

      He poked his finger at the mouth bit, which is what you do when one of them needs feeding. ‘There, that’s better isn’t it, Lil Gordy?’ he cooed.

      ‘Ugh, I can’t take any more of this,’ said Nancy, slamming her book shut. ‘I think I’ll go and find something more interesting to do.’

      ‘It’s your life, Verkenwerken!’ shouted Darren as she wandered off, and he whipped Dazzy Rascal out of his pocket. Its eyes were closed and it purred quietly.

      ‘Ooh you are lucky Daz,’ whispered Shazza. ‘Wish my one’d sleep through like that.’

      ‘It was a different story last night Shaz,’ yawned Darren. ‘I was up with him every two hours.’

      ‘Worth it though, innit,’ I said, sounding like my mum when she talks to her mum-friends about my baby brother Desmond.

      The sun was going down and my nose twitched, sniffing the smell of my dinner wafting over from my house, mixed in with the stench of Mogden Sewers.

      ‘I’ll see you lot bright and early Monday morning,’ I said, plopping Barry Junior in my pocket. ‘If we’re gonna beat those Green Giants we’ve got a lot of work to do!’

      Suddenkeely it was Monday morning and we were all standing in the playground at school.

      ‘First things first,’ I said, clapping my hands together. ‘We need a team name.’

      ‘Ooh you should be good at this Bazzy,’ said Shaz. ‘You’re always coming up with stupid names for stuff !’

      ‘Thank you Sharonella,’ I said, thinking back on all the amazekeel names I’ve come up with since I’ve been alive, including for my nine hamsters, all of which are now comperleeterly dead.

      ‘How about The Darrens?’ said Darren, and I scoffed.

      ‘Nice try, Darrenofski,’ I said. ‘But no banana.’

      ‘Gordon’s Giants?’ said Gordon, and Shazza shook her head.

      ‘That sounds exackerly like Green Giants,’ she said.

      ‘Yeah, expect it’s Gordon’s instead of Green,’ snapped Gordon.

      ‘Guys, guys, guys,’ I said in my Coach Loser voice, which is just my normal, regular voice. ‘Let’s try and support each other’s ideas, shall we?’

      Bunky scratched his no-beard.

      ‘The Mogden Maniacs?’ he said, and I clicked my fingers.