Daddy. Tuhin Sinha

Section B

WHAT A DAD NEEDS TO DO DURING PREGNANCY

       Chapter 3

       You’re Expecting! What Next?

       Deciding the doctor and hospital

      Once your wife’s pregnancy is confirmed, the very first call that the expecting couple has to take is picking the right doctor and hospital. Many couples tend to delay this decision. Often the absence of complications in the initial weeks makes them take things easy. But this is where you need to be vigilant. A potentially life-threatening condition known as tube pregnancy or ectopic pregnancy, wherein a fertilized egg settles and grows in the fallopian tube instead of the inner lining of the uterus can sometimes show no symptoms. Often it creeps up on you only during an ultrasound. Therefore the first ultrasound should not be delayed beyond 5-6 weeks.

      Ideally you should check in with a doctor the moment you know there is a baby on the way. I also suggest you register yourself on www.babycenter.in from the word go. The weekly mailers provide you the most comprehensive and up-to-date information on the progress of your wife’s pregnancy. These mailers continue well after your baby is born.

      Before zeroing in on a doctor and hospital, speak to your friends who have already been through this process. It is safer to opt for a doctor that comes highly recommended by friends or people whose opinion you trust. It could be that the hospital they suggest doesn’t suit your budget or that the doctor’s chamber is far off. In that case, keep a second and third option handy.

      When it comes to deciding on the hospital for the delivery, every couple has their own priorities. Some prefer smaller, more economical hospitals that have all the facilities in place but may not be counted among the most reputed brands. Others may feel safer to go for a more well-known brand, even if it is a little out of the way. One of my screenwriter friends in Mumbai, Shobhit Jaiswal, had his wife check into Kokilaben Hospital in Mumbai, one the biggest in the city, the moment he realised there would be complications leading up to the birth. The hospital was nearly 12 kms away from where they lived but the reassurance of a reliable brand made them feel more secure.

      From my personal experience, I would suggest factoring in a well-equipped Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) unit while making your decision. I ended up paying a heavy price for overlooking this seemingly small thing. But more on that in a later chapter.

Make your home baby-friendly

      If you live in a metro city, chances are that you’re not entirely happy with your living situation. You may find your flat too cramped or the area too noisy and yet you’re not in a tearing rush to look for a better place. It happens when you lead a hectic life and shifting homes is an ordeal you can do without. When a baby comes into the picture, you’ll be in no mood for a compromise. Naturally, you’ll want what is best for your child—a place that is safe, peaceful and has enough room for your baby to move about freely.

      Ramyani and I shifted to a new place two months prior to Tanish’s birth. We wanted a bigger house for him to crawl around and explore. We also wanted my parents and Ramyani’s mom to spend more time with us, which meant getting a larger space. We gave the flat we owned on rent and shifted to a bigger rental accommodation. It seemed like an unusual solution at the time, but another friend whose wife got pregnant a few months after Ramyani did the same after seeing how much it helped us. Shobhit also sold his flat and shifted into one that was tailor-made for babies. The flat was small in size but it made up for that with an adjoining balcony which was as big as the rest of the house. “We wanted a private playground for the baby where he could crawl around freely. Mumbai apartments simply don’t provide that,” he reasoned.

      In India, there are families that look beyond size and safety while choosing a new address; superstition also plays a part. If you feel that a particular house has brought you bad luck, you might want to shift to one that has a more positive energy. Like I said before, I have an ambivalent attitude to such matters. A couple in my building changed homes soon after the wife started expecting. The husband later told me, “My wife had had two sudden miscarriages even when everything seemed alright. Somehow we were convinced that our flat was jinxed. When my wife conceived this time, we consulted a spiritual guru who asked us to shift out of the house. And it worked.”

      Moving houses is an expensive proposition and could add to your already mounting costs. The next best option would be to make your current house as child-friendly as possible. A few days before her due date, when Ramyani returned from work, she insisted we visit a mall. She picked up an assortment of soft toys, art paper and oil paints. By the next morning she had created a colourful baby corner in the room. There were miniature bears, dogs, monkeys and penguins on the bed-stand and paintings of animated mushrooms, butterflies and fish on the walls. I wondered if Ramyani’s efforts were futile. Wouldn’t the baby be too small to appreciate art! Also, I wasn’t too thrilled to see her exerting herself in that precarious state. But the joy and excitement on Ramyani’s face made it worth it.

Scans and more…

      Your first introduction with your baby, even before the birth, will be through ultrasounds. I would eagerly await these sessions. With every passing scan you can see your child evolve from a foetus to a full-grown baby. Asad too echoes my sentiments. Like me, he was obsessed with ultrasounds! “The first sonography was the most moving and we looked forward to seeing our baby each month and then every 2 weeks. There were some weeks we didn’t need a sonography/doplar, but we would joke about dropping by for one anyway,” he says.

      Ramyani’s first ultrasound was in her seventh week. My research told me that this is when you can hear the baby’s heartbeat. Unfortunately while Tanish’s growth was on track, the heartbeat I longed to hear couldn’t yet be deciphered. A week later when we went for another ultrasound, we were both quite nervous. I hadn’t been able to get much work done in anticipation of this moment. And then there it was—a vibrant, robust heartbeat. It sounded a bit like a young horse breathing rapidly but at that time it felt like music to my ears.

      Five weeks later came the all-important nuchal translucency scan. This is also the scan after which most people break the news to the world. A nuchal scan helps identify higher risks of chromosomal defects, including Down’s Syndrome in a foetus. ^]This scan is carried out at 11–13.6 weeks of pregnancy and assesses the thickness of the soft tissues at the nape of neck. From the information I got off the Web, I learnt that the nuchal thickness ought to measure less than 2.2 mm. Hence, I was fixated on this figure throughout the scan.

      As the doctor took us through the different body parts of the foetus, I stopped and asked, “Hold on, will you first please tell me the nuchal thickness?” The doctor looked back in surprise. He wondered how I was aware of such technicalities. “1.2 mm,” he answered quietly. “Oh, great! You can proceed with what you were saying,” I replied in relief. Ramyani stifled her laughter as the bemused doctor continued the scan.

      The other crucial hurdle is the mid-semester scan. As the name suggests, this is done mid-way, around the 20^th week of pregnancy. If your radiologist is not in a tearing rush to move on to the next patient, this one can go on