The Complete Ruby Redfort Collection. Lauren Child

believe she had been so stupid, it was the most simple kind of clue, the staring you in the face kind. So obvious you missed it. As Ruby all too often remarked, PEOPLE OFTEN MISS THE DOWNRIGHT OBVIOUS {RULE 18}.

      It was Mr Walford who got her to see it. He used to be in the military and liked to be precise about things. He was a stickler for using the 24 hour clock.

      ‘Redfort, Ruby,’ he barked. ‘It is precisely 13:31, recess is no longer in progress, march your way swiftly to class, please.’

      Ruby stopped in her tracks, paused, and then suddenly turned to Mr Walford. ‘3:49pm! Of course! Not fifteen dollars and forty-nine cents but fifteen hundred hours and forty-nine minutes – or put another way, eleven minutes to four.’

       The price sticker is telling me to be at Joe’s Supermart at 3.49pm.

      Mr Walford looked at her as if she was a complete crazy but that didn’t matter, nothing mattered… oh, except for the school basketball tournament, scheduled to begin at sixteen hundred hours.

       Darn it, Del is going to kill me.

      Ruby would be sorely missed if she didn’t show. Del’s team, the Deliverers, were playing Vapona Begwell’s team, known as the Vaporizers, and there was always a lot of rivalry. Del Lasco would not forgive her unless she had a good excuse, and even then, she still might not.

      Inspiration came during afternoon recess when Ruby dramatically faked a foot injury – everyone saw as she tripped down the outside steps. A stuntman couldn’t have done a better job.

      ‘Jeepers! My toe, I think I just broke my little toe.’

      Ruby knew that toes get broken all the time and that they don’t necessarily require a trip to the emergency room. More often than not one is simply told to ice it. She had no trouble convincing anyone that she wasn’t going to be playing basketball anytime soon – Ruby was an accomplished actress.

      ‘Too bad Ruby, we’re really gonna miss you,’ said Del, kicking furiously at a weed. This was no lie, Ruby Redfort would be missed because what she might lack in height she made up for in skill. She had the amazing knack of distracting the opposition and scoring before they knew that they had even lost possession of the ball.

      ‘Yeah Del, I know, I’m sorry,’ said Ruby, wincing as she hobbled towards the medical room.

      Mrs Greenford the school nurse couldn’t get either of Ruby’s parents on the phone, unsurprising since some time ago Ruby had changed their contact details in the school files. The numbers now sent any member of the staff to an answerphone with the reassuring message, ‘if Ruby should need to come home early today, I am around, please pop her in a cab.’ (Ruby could do a flawless impression of her mother.) This way, if ever she wanted to pull a stunt like this, her parents would not be informed.

      Ruby limped off to the taxi.

      ‘So I’m to take you to Cedarwood Drive?’ said the cab driver.

      ‘Nah, change of plan – Joe’s Supermart on Amster,’ said Ruby.

      The driver gave her a knowing look and nodded. ‘Yeah, I was a kid once – don’t worry, my lips are sealed, sweetheart.’

       Chapter 7.

      Don’t call us we’ll call you

      WHEN RUBY ENTERED THE SUPERMART her ears were assaulted by the tinny sound of the worst kind of muzak. Ruby caught sight of old Mrs Beesman, who was busy filling her cart with what looked like two hundred cans of pet food. It was rumoured that she had somewhere approaching seventy-four cats but as far as Ruby knew no one had ever been in Mrs Beesman’s house to count them. She noticed Mrs Beesman was wearing ear-muffs.

       Smart lady, this music could damage your brain.

      Ruby walked slowly round the aisles, studying the shelves carefully until she saw what she was looking for. In the middle of a shelf displaying unnaturally vivid cookies and cakes, she saw an item that just didn’t belong. A box of very cardboard looking Real Health Crackers. They claimed to be ‘delicious nutritious yummy snacks – no sugar no eggs no wheat no additives’, but the truth was the packaging looked tastier than the contents.

       Something wholesome in Joe’s Supermart, now that is unusual.

      Ruby looked at the price sticker and sure enough, across the top it said, ‘Organic Universe’. The words of the mystery voice came back to her.

       ‘You can see when something is plum square in the wrong place.’

      With the box of crackers under her arm, Ruby left the store and made her way across the street to Organic Universe. The wooden chimes jangled as she entered and the smell of sensible food hit her. She headed straight for the cookie aisle, and there, right next to two boxes of Health Crackers, sat a telephone directory. She replaced the box of Health Crackers she was holding, picked up the directory and carried it over to the phone booth by the door.

      Now what? she thought.

      Above the phone were hundreds of cards advertising all kinds of different health giving treatments, from colour therapy to Watsu, and then… a card which simply said, Don’t Call Us We’ll Call You.

      Ruby took the card down from the board and looked at it closely, but apart from a decorative pattern round its edge, there was no other information. She sat down on the wooden stool by the phone booth and waited. After twenty-five minutes the man behind the counter was eyeing her suspiciously.

       DON'T CALL USWE'LL CALL YOU

      ‘Can I help you?’ he asked in an extremely unhelpful tone. He was a young guy, nervous-looking with a nose which seemed too big for his face. The nose made his face look awkward.

      ‘No, I’m just fine thanks,’ replied Ruby doing her best to sound casual. ‘I’ll let you know if I need anything.’

      The big nosed guy obviously didn’t want to get into an argument with a school kid but he wasn’t about to let her out of his sight.

      Ruby silently watched the minute hand tick slowly round the clock face, while the big nosed guy walked around the store, eyeing her furtively. If someone was trying to test Ruby Redfort’s patience, they were doing a good job, though patience was not a thing that Ruby had ever been short of.

      However, she was relieved when at exactly two minutes to five, the phone rang. She jumped and almost knocked the receiver off its cradle. ‘Hi, hello,’ blustered Ruby.

      ‘Am I talking to Ruby Redfort?’ asked that same gravelly voice.

      ‘Yuh huh, yes,’ confirmed Ruby

      ‘Good, glad you made it this far. I have a job offer for you – let’s make a date… how about tomorrow night at eight for eight not a minute sooner not a minute later. And keep it zipped.’

      ‘Anything else you wanna tell me?’ asked Ruby.

      ‘Yes,’ said the voice. ‘Be lucky.’

      No goodbye, just the dial tone.

      I guess directions would be too much to ask for, thought Ruby, as she left the store.

      On her way back home Ruby stopped off at the green. Up in the tree she found a neatly folded origami cuckoo. She knew what that meant without even reading the note.

      THE CUCKOO: a parasite bird who takes over the nest of another by pushing the host’s eggs out and laying its own in their place. If necessary the cuckoo will devour the host-bird’s young.

      In other words,

      THE CUCKOO: a ruthless killer and imposter.