Remember Me. D. E. White

So it’s just Kelly and the boy now. Kai is a nice lad, and he works bloody hard. I think he wants to go to university, or take a year out travelling in Asia. Sounds great, I wish I’d gone travelling at his age, and got out of Aberdyth.’

      ‘Oh, I’m sorry about Jesse… I didn’t know,’ Ava wondered if Penny was aware of the coolness of her words. Just another baby, just another friend gone. There were other ways out of Aberdyth. And Jesse was dead. Why had her aunt not told her? Why had Paul never mentioned it? ‘When exactly did Jesse die, Pen?’

      ‘I told you, about two years ago. It was in June, I think,’ Penny chattered on, and Ava could hear sounds of washing up in the background. ‘We did think of telling you, but Paul said you wouldn’t want to be bothered with things from your old life, you know? Your aunt had moved away by then, and we hadn’t heard from you in ages. Jesse, well, he always did ride crazy fast, didn’t he? They said he lost control on the bend. You know that sharp corner before the speed limit sign – right before you come to the Aberdyth bridge?’

      ‘Yes… yes, I remember it. Poor Jesse.’

      ‘Yes, it was terrible for his parents. I’ve got some really exciting news about Stephen and Bethan though! We’ve known for a while now, but we wanted you to get settled in a bit before we told you.’

      ‘Tell me she isn’t pregnant,’ Ava said warily.

      There was a pause before Penny giggled. ‘Of course not you dafty, something far better.’

      ‘Are you going to tell me, then?’

      ‘No, this is one I’m saving for when we’re all together. See you later.’

      ‘Okay, Pen, I’ll see you later,’ Ava said. Penny had always loved to be ahead on the gossip, and surely this must be something good, or she would have sounded worried. Maybe a surprise party or something, or one of the kids getting a new job. With a jolt she realised that very soon her son would be moving on, and she had no idea where he would be going. All her stalking on social media told her simply that he had a talent for photography, and a lot of friends. He would have dreams that she hadn’t shared in, hopes and worries that she wasn’t part of.

      ‘You still there, Ava? See you in the pub, lovely.’

      Ending her call, she finished her shower, ignored a load of messages from her friends in LA, and sat on her bed, wrapped in a towel. Fair-haired Jesse, with his rosy cheeks and snub nose, had been part of Leo’s band of friends. Like Rhodri, he’d been a bit of an outsider. Also like Rhodri, he’d been part of the gang who were in East Wood the night her best friend died.

      Forcing herself to breathe deeply, Ava knew what she had to do next. Ellen’s house. It was still hers, even though she lay in the cold woodland down the hill.

      The mirror on her wall caught her as she turned to chuck the phone back onto the table. The pink towel slid downwards, exposing the intricate ink work across her lower back. Although the flowers and sun (so innocent and pretty), stretched down to the curves at the top of her butt, she knew that underneath were two words. Leo had done it himself, and when she screamed with pain, he’d given her more pills. She remembered frantically shaking, scrabbling with sweaty fingers for the drugs he held out. The words on her back weren’t inked either – they were twisted white scars etched into her skin with a sharp knife. At the time she had wanted the pain, wanted to be indelibly marked, scarred in a way she would never forget. It felt like the least she could do for Ellen. Leo had offered to do the job, and the others had watched.

      It was a miracle she had managed to get out of Aberdyth at all. Horrified by her pregnancy and impending hasty marriage, her parents had moved back to Florida before Stephen was even born. Their bleak hilltop caravan park had finally gone bust, and they offered to take Ava with them. There was no need for her to marry Paul, they said, when she could return to America and have their help in raising the baby. When she refused, to her surprise, they went anyway. It left her with no ties, apart from those she subsequently created for herself. Ava often wondered what life would have been like if she had gone then, but she had been carried away by the idea of marrying Paul, raising her child, trying to prove she was an independent adult. To an outsider, it was laughable, the mistakes she had made. Except it wasn’t funny at all. She had made so many wrong turns, and that, perhaps, was one of the reasons she was so good at dealing with the victims and perpetrators at work. Often the dealers were just kids who’d made bad choices, who were desperate to escape poverty, and who had been promised wealth and freedom. The real evil players were those who traded on those dreams.

      Ava reached for her iPad, quickly checking emails, grasping for the return of her cool efficiency. Work always did this to her. She was like a machine, her boss often said. There was nothing new on the handful of cases she was personally connected with, and no progress on her current job. There was a suggestion from Pete, her partner, that she might have to send someone in undercover to crack that particular drugs ring.

      Her own drug-taking had stopped when she discovered she was pregnant, so teenage-Ava couldn’t have been all bad, she told herself. But those years had taken a vicious toll on her mental health, and being a young mum pushed her nearer the edge, until finally, she saw that the only thing to do was to run. When Stephen was nearly two years old, she had kissed him goodnight for last time, scrabbling to drag her backpack from the wardrobe. The devils that whispered in her ears told her to go, to go now or she might hurt her son. She had failed as a wife and mother, and they would be better off without her. Her son cried, and she soothed him back to sleep, driven by a teeth-chattering panic. Before Paul came back off the hills, she was gone, leaving nothing but a brief note. Paul’s dad was in his study, and she sometimes wondered afterwards if he heard her go. Good riddance would have been his attitude, she knew.

      If the drugs hadn’t been so easily available throughout their early teens, she doubted any of them would have bothered. Aberdyth was a desolate village between two hills, and the nearest town was a bus ride away. Even then it was another ex-mining community, dragged down by lack of jobs, and lack of money.

      Maybe she and her friends might have dabbled a little on rare nights out in the city, certainly they would have smoked and drunk. But to have pills handed out like bags of sweeties…

      It was a joke really, she always thought, that so many of her current friends claimed to be in therapy for this and that, but her own monthly sessions really did keep her sane. Hell, after everything that had happened, she was allowed a little craziness, and in LA she fit right in.

      She chucked her iPad back down on the bed. Combing out her long, wet hair, Ava blasted it with a dryer, and plaited it neatly out of her face. Her dark, shiny fringe was cut just above the arctic blue eyes and framed the determined face in the mirror. Her dad always said there was Native American blood in the family, and her darker skin colour, high cheekbones and full lips made her a dead ringer for her paternal grandmother. Maturity had added stubbornness to her square chin, and the year-round tan added warmth to her smile, but some darkness in her expression kept most people away – men included. Detective Ava Cole was tough, independent and athletic, and that was just how she liked it.

      She yanked on her jeans and hill boots. The Birtleys were out and the house was quiet as she slipped out of the front door. A few battered trucks and a mud-plastered Land Rover decorated the track downhill. She turned the corner and marched briskly past the pub, ready to ignore anyone who challenged her. There was only a dog to watch her progress. It was a shabby, red-coated mongrel, and its half-hearted bark didn’t bring anyone running.

      Breathing fast, eyes down, Ava reached the garden gate, and stopped. Her throat was tight and her eyes stung. She needed to get a grip.

      Ellen’s place was the same as it always had been, up on the end of the row of houses, just above the wood. The garden, even in early spring, was well tended and neat. She smiled as she recognised the greenhouse, the garden gnome, and then pushed down the acidic swell of nausea as she also recognised the little wooden gate at the end of the vegetable patch. Ellen’s shortcut to the woods. Jackie and Peter had always been stricter than the other village parents about curfew, and to their knowledge Ellen had always been home and in bed by a certain time. Unfortunately