Always a Mother. Linda Warren

I’ll watch her and you can rest.” He rolled onto Claire. “But now we need some fun time.”

      As he turned out the light she giggled like a schoolgirl. He wanted her. That’s what she needed to hear—to know. It was important to her as a woman.

      But her faith in their love was tested once more.

      When Sarah was six months old, Claire discovered she was pregnant again. She was on the pill, but something had gone wrong. Being up with Sarah so much, she was exhausted most of the time, and obviously had forgotten to take it. She cursed herself. She cursed Dean.

      “God, this can’t be happening again,” he said when she told him.

      “Well, it is. I can’t do this. I can’t handle two babies by myself. You’re gone all the time and I’m stuck here.”

      She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. She’d never dreamed she felt that way. But she did.

      “I help, too.”

      “Your mother helps. Most nights you’re out having fun.” Emotions too long bottled up came spilling out.

      “Claire, that’s not fair.”

      “No, it isn’t,” she screamed. “I’m the one making all the sacrifices. I’m the one…” Anger consumed her and she tore out of the apartment.

      “Claire,” Dean called, but she kept running.

      She stopped in a small park on campus to catch her breath. Her head pounded with doubts, insecurities and with the reality of growing up. As an adult, wasn’t she supposed to be wiser? And wasn’t she supposed to have learned from her mistakes?

      Sinking onto the grass, she wrapped her arms around her legs and watched as couples strolled hand in hand, oblivious to everything but each other. She and Dean had been like that, so much in love. Life and responsibilities were suddenly too much.

      As Dean walked toward her, she scrambled to her feet. “Where’s Sarah?” she asked.

      “Mom’s with her.”

      “You always do that—call Bunny. Sarah is your responsibility, not your mother’s.”

      He frowned. “I had to find you.”

      Claire whirled away. “I can’t do this. I can’t have another baby. As soon as Sarah was better, I was planning to enroll for classes. Now…”

      “What are you saying?”

      She faced him. “I’m exhausted physically and emotionally. I…”

      “I’m sorry you’re pregnant.” For the first time he seemed angry. “But you’re the one who forgot to take the pill.”

      “Why is that my responsibility?”

      He jammed both hands through his hair. “I don’t know. It just is.”

      “Well, it shouldn’t be, because I’m lousy at it.”

      His mouth twitched. “Honey…” He reached for her.

      She backed away. “Don’t touch me. I can’t think when you do that.”

      “What do you want me to do?”

      “I don’t know.” She paused, her voice dropping to barely a whisper. “I just want to feel happy again.”

      “Claire, honey.” He wrapped his arms around her and she sagged against him. “I’m sorry life has been so hard.”

      “I know.” She looked into his blue eyes. “Undo my bow.”

      “What?”

      “Undo my bow.”

      Frowning, he yanked the ribbon that held back her blond hair, and it tumbled to her shoulders. She spun and took off running across the grass, her hair flying behind her. He caught her in less than ten seconds. Laughing, they whirled around as a light rain began to fall. They hardly noticed as they slowly began to dance, locked in each other’s arms. Raindrops pelted their heads, but they didn’t mind. They were young and in love and remembering how wonderful that felt.

      “I love it when we dance—even without music,” he said, kissing her face.

      The scent of rain mingled with the smell of him, and her heart brimmed with happiness. She’d lost it for a moment. “Me, too. I love you.”

      He stopped moving and cupped her face, his thumbs making wet circles on her cheeks. “I love you with all my heart.”

      She smiled, blinking in the rain. “We’re having another baby,” she whispered, feeling his love—the love that made her happy and complete.

      “Yes.” He kissed her softly. “You okay?”

      “I am now.” She took his hand. “Let’s go home.”

      DEAN DROVE UP to the lake house and saw Claire’s car. She was here. The heat of the day had subsided and a sticky warmth prevailed. But it was fresh, not contaminated with gas fumes or other foul city emissions.

      He could barely see the house in the darkness, but he knew exactly what it looked like—brown cedar Hardiplanks with a wood deck on the front and the back. The interior was small, with two bedrooms, one bath and a combination kitchen and large den that overlooked the lake.

      It had taken every resource they had to swing buying the place. Claire had made another sacrifice. She’d put off going to college so they could afford two house payments. He didn’t want her to, but Claire had insisted. That’s the way she was—always putting her family first.

      The girls loved it here, but he wondered how often they’d come back now. Sarah was very studious, like her mother. She was doing an internship in law. Soon she’d take the bar. Samantha was more like him—an athlete. Tennis was her sport, and she was very good, an ace player in high school and college. She would now be teaching physical education and coaching tennis.

      Memories swirled around him. He’d wanted to give Claire the world, but he’d busted up his leg in his senior year, and although it had healed, he knew he had to think about her and the girls. He had to be home for them, so he forgot his dream of playing pro football and took a job teaching and coaching.

      He was now the head coach and athletic director at a high school. The last four years he’d been building a great team, and if everything fell into place as he’d planned, they were going to win the state championship again this year. Football was in his blood and probably always would be.

      Just as Claire was.

      Through the window, he could see her sitting on the sofa, the letters strewn around her. At forty-three she still looked beautiful, a gorgeous blonde with soft brown eyes. She had a kind heart and a sweet nature. That’s probably what he loved most about her. And she made him feel young, powerful and all male. Her breasts were fuller now, as were her hips, and she could still heat him up just as quickly as she had back then.

      Back then…they’d been through so much. But in truth Claire had been through so much more than him.

      December 26, 1984

      CHRISTMAS WAS MEAGER at their house. He’d given Claire earrings and she’d bought him a pullover sweater. They’d spent the day at Bunny’s. Sarah was struggling to breathe and wanted only Claire to hold her. Dean took care of Sami, but he couldn’t nurse her, so he had to hand the baby to her, too. Claire was exhausted and he became more aware of that than ever, maybe because he was with them the whole day.

      The next day he started practice for the upcoming bowl game. That evening when he came home, Claire was sitting on the living room floor nursing Sami in one arm while Sarah nestled into her side with a breathing mask over her nose and mouth, taking a treatment. Claire’s hair hung limply around her shoulders, sour milk stained her blouse and she looked as tired as he’d ever seen her.

      He