A Cowboy to Marry. Cathy Thacker Gillen

then bent and kissed first her temple and then her cheek.

      “Trust me,” he whispered, as his mouth drifted slowly, inevitably toward hers. “This is the only solution … if we’re ever to have any peace….”

      Much as she was loath to admit it, Libby knew he was right. Giving in to the curiosity that had been plaguing her for years now, she went up on tiptoe. Holden groaned, pulling her flush against him. Her heart racing, Libby parted her lips to the investigating pressure of his. He responded by kissing her even more deeply. Her entire body going soft with pleasure at the unhurried coaxing of his lips and the seductive stroking of his tongue, she wrapped her arms around his neck and tilted her hips to his.

      For the first time in her life, she began to see what she’d been missing. This was the kind of kiss she had always dreamed about and never received. Evocative. Inundating. Tender. The kind that made her feel all woman to his man. The kind that made her feel that being close to someone again might not be such a crazy idea, after all….

      HOLDEN HADN’T COME HERE tonight intending to kiss Libby. In fact, his plan had been to delay the physical indefinitely.

      But that had been before he’d seen the veil come over her eyes yet again, in a way that made him wonder why intimacy of any kind with him was such a threat to her.

      And suddenly he knew.

      He broke off the kiss, dropped his arms to his sides and stepped back. “All this time I thought the reason you were so ill at ease with me was because we almost kissed.” He paused, looking deep into her eyes. “But that isn’t it at all. Is it?”

      OF ALL THE THINGS she did not want to discuss, her foolish behavior had to be at the top of the list. “I was an idiot that night, long before I hurled myself at you.” One giant mess of hormones and pent-up emotion.

      He gave her an understanding glance. “You thought you were pregnant.”

      Misery engulfed her. “And I wasn’t.”

      Holden caught her hand when she would have turned away. “But you didn’t know that when you called me and asked me to drive you to the hospital.” He squeezed her palm compassionately. “You thought you were losing your baby.”

      Libby leaned into his touch despite herself. “Had I been with child, that baby would have been three months along. Instead, all that was happening inside me was a lot of cramping and the beginning of the worst menstrual period ever! I’ve never felt so ridiculous or been so humiliated in my entire life.”

      Holden studied her. “And Paige and I witnessed it.”

      Libby struggled to get a grip. “The difference being that Paige is a physician and a woman.” Her best friend had been able to view the situation with the clinical detachment that Libby had needed. Holden had reacted much more emotionally. Which had made her feel even worse about dragging him into the situation, and dumping all her problems on him.

      “I never thought less of you.” He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close. “My heart went out to you that night,” he murmured against the top of her head. “You’d just lost Percy a couple of months before, and when you thought you were having his baby, you had such joy.” His warm breath touched her ear.

      In an effort to shield her eyes from his probing gaze, she let her head rest against his chest. “And guilt, and a million other things,” she whispered as a flood of tears pressed hotly behind her eyes.

      He brought her closer yet, one hand moving down her back in long, soothing strokes. “Why guilt?”

      Maybe it was time she began to unburden herself. And who better to tell than Holden, who had his own regrets?

      Fighting the overwhelming sadness she felt whenever she thought of all that preceded and followed Percy’s tragic death, she looked him in the eye and took another halting breath. Finally, she asked what she had never dared voice before. “You don’t know the real reason Percy insisted on taking that trip to South America, do you?”

      “He said it was to cheer me up after my divorce was final,” Holden replied in a low, gravelly voice.

      Libby dabbed at the moisture beneath her eyes. “Well, that was part of it,” she said finally, drawing back.

      He brought her back into the curve of his strong arms. His touch was more brotherly than anything else, despite their earlier flirtation with passion. “And the other …?” he murmured.

      Libby struggled to get her emotions under control. “Percy and I had been arguing about starting a family. I really wanted a baby.”

      Holden nodded, his grip tightening protectively.

      “But Percy didn’t.” The tears she had been doing everything to block flowed anyway.

      Holden frowned.

      Libby pressed on the bridge of her nose to keep more tears from falling. “He already felt tied down.” She gulped and forced herself to go on, get it all out. “He felt he had gotten a raw deal. Inheriting the responsibility for the family business years before he was ready to assume it. Having the woman he married turn out not to be so adventurous and wild at heart, after all. The last thing Percy wanted was the responsibility of a child. Not then, he said, maybe not ever.” She shook her head, remembering that last awful fight. “I was devastated.”

      Holden exhaled. “And angry, I’m guessing.”

      She forced a watery smile, then she dabbed at her eyes again. “Very. The presumption that we would have children, if for no other reason than to carry on the Lowell name and bloodlines, had always been there.”

      She looked up at Holden, wanting him to understand. “Suddenly … with the death of his parents—and the absence of that familial pressure to produce grandkids—there was no reason in Percy’s mind to go forward with a family at all. So he scheduled the trip with you to Colombia, and that was that. There was not going to be any more discussion about it when he came back.

      “I was so angry and disappointed I didn’t even kiss him goodbye before he left.”

      And then he had died….

      Leaving her with even more to grapple with.

      Holden shook his head. Swore softly. “Libby. I had no idea—”

      She held up a hand. “I know—no one did.” Feeling calmer now, she pulled away. “Anyway, that’s why I had such a crazy mix of emotions when I suspected I might be pregnant after Percy died. I was happy about the baby, but knew he wouldn’t have been. It felt like a miracle and a lifelong burden of guilt, all in one.”

      “Stress can do funny things to a person’s body.”

      Libby nodded, appreciating Holden’s attentiveness, even as she warned herself not to get too used to it.

      Still, she needed to talk to him tonight. Needed the brand of comfort only he could give. “The doctors said my devastation over Percy’s death and the acrimonious way we parted, combined with my longing for a child, made my hormones a mess. I was barely eating or sleeping. I was dizzy and nauseated, more often than not. And I went three months without a period before I realized it.”

      Holden reached over and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “It’s only natural you concluded what you did.”

      Silence fell between them as she looked deep into his eyes, noticing yet again what a ruggedly handsome man he was. It was more than just the symmetry of his features or the strong line of his jaw. It was his kindness and compassion. His easygoing attitude and humor. The way he could always make a person feel better with an offhand comment or smile.