If I Need You. Beth Kery

and your life, even though you were a military wife and alone a lot of the time. I admired how you always managed to be so cheerful...convey so much warmth. I used to get resentful when Jesse didn’t return your letters regularly. I used to get resentful toward Jesse for a lot of things,” he mumbled under his breath, looking angry...torn.

      “Can I bring you any dessert?”

      Both of them blinked and stared at the waiter like he was an alien.

      “Faith?” Ryan asked.

      “No, nothing for me,” Faith said.

      Ryan also declined and the waiter left. Faith took a long drink of her ice water.

      “That all still sounds like you’re feeling sorry for me, Ryan,” she said shakily.

      “I don’t pity you, but I do feel bad about some things that have happened,” he said quietly. “I feel like a heel for barging in on you and laying you down on a couch and having unprotected sex with you after I’d been in your house for all of a half hour.”

      Her mouth fell open at his blunt words. Once again the remembered images and sensations swamped her awareness.

      “Let me get this straight,” she said slowly. “You like me, and you respect me, but because you wanted to have sex with me that night, that’s a problem. Is that because you usually don’t like and respect the women you sleep with? Attraction and respect don’t go together in your mind?”

      “That’s a hell of a thing to say.”

      “Jesse used to imply that you liked female companionship, but weren’t much for a serious relationship with one woman.”

      Realization subtly settled on his features. His eyelids narrowed. Faith caught an edge of the diamond-hard focus that had made him such a valuable officer and pilot. “Are you implying I’m like Jesse?”

      She tilted her chin up, refusing to be intimidated. “Maybe.”

      “Well I’m not,” he stated flatly. “I’m not saying Christmas Eve was a mistake because I’m a womanizer. I’m saying it was a mistake because it was so abrupt...strange...irrational...”

      Mind-blowing, Faith added in her private thoughts. His gaze flickered up to meet hers, as if she’d spoken aloud.

      After a tense moment she exhaled and sagged in the seat. “I’m sorry. It’s not my place to judge you one way or another. That part of your life is none of my business.”

      She glanced up in surprise when he reached across the table and grasped her hand.

      “Just because I haven’t found the right woman yet doesn’t mean I haven’t been looking. I don’t thrive on conquest. Christmas Eve was not about that.”

      She couldn’t look away from his eyes. His hand tightened on hers, his fingers brushing her wrist. She wondered distantly if he could feel the throb of her pulse.

      “What was it about then?” she whispered.

      Something flickered across his rugged features she couldn’t quite identify. “I’m not entirely sure. It just felt...unstoppable. Like I said that night, all that emotion must have been building.”

      “You do hear about it happening after a tragic death,” Faith admitted. “Stuff builds up and then...bang. A lightening strike.”

      They stared at each other across the table. Was he, like her, recalling what it’d been like as the electric desire blazed in their flesh, enlivened them, fused them?

      “We’re going to have a baby together,” he said. “All of my life is your business now. Fate has seen to that. Whether we planned it or not, whether you like it or not, we’re family now, Faith.”

      Chapter Three

      When they walked out onto Eighth Street later, the sun was setting.

      “How about a drive? There are a few things I’d still like to talk to you about,” Ryan added when she gave him a doubtful sideways glance. He’s sensed her wariness ever since he’d said that thing about them being family.

      “Okay,” Faith replied, although she looked uncertain.

      He grabbed her hand and gave it a small squeeze as they walked toward his car. He waited for her to look at him.

      “Why are you so uncomfortable around me? Is it just because of the baby?” he couldn’t help but ask.

      “You’re not entirely comfortable around me, either, Ryan. I think we both know this situation is...unusual.”

      He grimaced slightly. He’d been more than a little confused about his feelings for Faith for a long time now. Finding out she was carrying his baby only amplified his bewilderment along with a lot of other emotions.

      He’d never been able to tell anyone he had a sort of secret...thing for Jesse’s wife for years now. It was too mild to be a crush. Ryan had secretly found his partiality for news about Faith or hearing her letters a little amusing in a self-deprecating sort of way. His feelings for her had never gone anywhere beyond admiration.

      But as he drove through picturesque downtown Holland with Faith in the seat next to him, he’d have to admit it in hindsight that he’d been a little envious of Jesse for having a wife like Faith. It wasn’t just that Faith was beautiful in the natural, girl-next-door, very sexy kind of way. He was drawn to her freshness, her intelligence, and most of all, her kindness.

      He’d been highly irritated at Jesse for proving time and again that he didn’t deserve her.

      The fact of the matter was, until Christmas Eve, he’d never given his admiration for her much thought. She’d been off-limits for almost the entire time he’d known her. Maybe Jesse wasn’t the ideal husband, and perhaps Ryan had questioned his judgment as an officer for getting involved with women during deployments, but Jesse had never done anything overtly to make Ryan question his ability to do his job. As a matter of fact Jesse had been a fine pilot, and in the friendship department at least, loyal to the bone.

      The sun blazed bright orange, about to make its fiery plunge into the silvery waters of Lake Michigan when Ryan pulled the car into a lot at Laketown Beach. Because of the dunes, they were on a high vista. The beach itself was at the bottom of a long staircase. He shut off the ignition and glanced at Faith. He found the black leather, calf-hugging boots she wore extremely sexy, but wasn’t so sure the heels were walking-friendly.

      “There’s a paved path along the bluff. Are you up for a walk?”

      “Yes,” she agreed.

      She smiled at him a moment later when he came around the car to meet her. “I know you spent your summers in Harbor Town, but you seem very familiar with Holland, too.”

      He shrugged as he zipped up his jacket. There was a cool breeze coming off Lake Michigan. “My mom and dad used to bring us to Holland occasionally for dinner or a day at the beach.”

      “I think you said your parents have passed?” she asked softly. He recalled he’d mentioned to her that his parents were no longer living at one of those Air Force picnics, but hadn’t given her any details.

      “Yeah. They died while I was still at the Air Force Academy in Colorado. Dad used to like to explore the area when he’d come down on the weekends from Dearborn, so Mari—that’s my sister—and I have seen pretty much every beach on the Michigan shoreline. I’ve done some exploring on my own in Holland for the past couple months, though,” he said as he took her hand and they made their way down the sidewalk that trailed along the edge of the bluff. “When Deidre comes in for an overnight visit, I stay at a hotel near the airport.”

      “Deidre is the client you fly to this area?”

      “Yeah, Deidre Kavanaugh Malone. When we were kids, the Kavanaughs lived on the same street as us in Harbor Town.”

      He