Better Than Perfect. Kristina Mathews

Johnny was looking forward to having him behind him on the field.

      “Who knows? This could be your chance to rekindle the old flame.” Bryce gave him a wink.

      “Not going to happen.” He’d given her his heart once. She hadn’t wanted it. He wasn’t good enough for her. “I’m going to be there for the kids. That’s all.”

      “Sure. The kids.” Bryce chuckled as if he knew something Johnny didn’t.

      * * * *

      Alice arrived to find Johnny already seated at the restaurant. He stood to meet her and she needed to remind herself to breathe. His bio listed him at six-five, two-twenty, but he seemed so much bigger. Stronger. More there. He’d been a little thinner in college. Lankier. Not yet sure of his power as a man.

      He pulled out her chair and his arm brushed her shoulder. She became all too aware of Johnny’s power. He was a fully grown man, now. One who made his living with his body. He returned to the other side of the table, and she was able to draw a breath. To draw her attention back to why they were there.

      She pulled a thick folder from her tote bag. “Most of the information in here is a hard copy of what I already sent you.” She slid the folder across the table. “But I added a brochure detailing the foundation’s mission statement, program offerings and a list of major donors. There’s also a booklet on coaching youth sports, focusing on positive player progression. I’ve included some icebreaker games for getting the kids’ attention. And of course, a copy of the schedule for the week.”

      “Thanks. I did take a look at the website links you sent me.” Johnny’s voice was warm, almost friendly. It would be so easy to believe they could slip into that easy companionship she’d taken for granted. A unique combination of passion and camaraderie that she now knew was one-of-a-kind. “I like that you keep the focus on skills development and teamwork.”

      “I’m pretty proud of this program. It’s more than just a game for some of these kids.” Alice felt a small surge of pride. She’d seen what baseball had done for Johnny. What it was doing for Zach, although thankfully, Zach had plenty of other opportunities. For Johnny, baseball was all he’d had. “We’re developing skills they can use on or off the field. Teamwork being one of them.”

      “So, are we a team?” To anyone who didn’t know their history, the question would have sounded perfectly innocent.

      “I hope we can work together. For the kids.” She missed him. Missed them. They’d been quite the team. And Johnny’s skills went well beyond the baseball diamond.

      “Sure. The kids.” Johnny flipped through the folder. If he was overwhelmed by the amount of information she’d provided, he didn’t show it. “Wow, you went to a lot of trouble.”

      “I remembered how much you liked to prepare before a game.” Maybe she’d gone a little overboard. But she wanted it to be perfect. “And you always did pretty well cramming before a big exam.”

      “I got lucky a lot.” He glanced down at the information in front of him. But not before she saw the barest trace of a smile that hinted he was referring to more than his grades. She’d been a big part of the reason he’d needed to cram in the first place.

      He hesitated when he got to the back page of the brochure. He stared at the photo of Mel and Zach, taken not long before the accident.

      “Were you happy?”

      It was a simple question. But she didn’t have a simple answer.

      “Hi, I’m Tiffany and I’ll be taking care of you today.” The waitress’s appearance gave her a minute to compose her response. “Can I start you off with something to drink?”

      “I’ll have an iced tea.” Alice could answer that one easily enough.

      “The same.” Johnny took his gaze off Alice just long enough to be polite to their server.

      “Do you need more time?”

      “I know what I want.” Johnny stared at Alice. Once upon a time he would have been hinting at something more than a sandwich.

      “I’m ready to order.” Alice closed her menu and smiled at their waitress. She ordered the French onion soup with a Caesar salad.

      Johnny chose the clam chowder and a sourdough turkey melt.

      “So, you didn’t answer my question.” Johnny watched her pour three-quarters of a sugar packet into her tea. He took his plain. Some things hadn’t changed. But so many things had. “Were you happy with Mel?”

      She stirred her tea long after the sugar had dissolved.

      “He was good to me.” For the most part. “He was a good man.”

      “I used to think so.” Johnny balled up the straw wrapper, rolling it between his fingers. “I never thought he was the kind of guy to fool around with my girlfriend behind my back.”

      “We weren’t fooling around behind your back.” She played with her straw, stirring the ice in her glass. Anything to avoid looking at him. Seeing the hurt that was still there. “We weren’t together until after you left.”

      Timing wasn’t the issue. She’d slept with his best friend. She could have slept with his whole team and it wouldn’t have hurt him nearly as much.

      “So he just swept you off your feet?” There was no mistaking the bitterness in his voice.

      “Is this really what you wanted to talk about?” So much for the illusion of a potential friendship.

      “No. Not really.” The waitress arrived with their meal. “I don’t think I’d ever seen him that happy.”

      He pointed to the picture. It had been a difficult decision, choosing the photograph that would represent Mel in all their promotional materials. Their wedding photo seemed a little too formal. Too staged. There were a few family photos taken at holidays and such, but she never liked the way either of them looked. As if one of them was trying too hard. Or not hard enough.

      In the end she’d selected the candid photo of a trip to Golden Gate Park. She’d snapped the picture when they took a break from the aquarium to grab a bite to eat and let Zach run around on the grass. He’d come up behind Mel to surprise him, and put his skinny little arms around Mel’s neck. At that moment, Mel had been truly happy.

      “He was good with Zach.” Alice smiled, remembering how hard he’d worked at fatherhood. How much effort he’d made to be a good husband to her. “He really wanted to be a good dad. When he was around.”

      Johnny nodded, taking a bite of his sandwich.

      She hadn’t meant to imply Mel was too busy working to spend much time with her and Zach. But that had been the case. And in some ways, she’d preferred it that way. She’d been happy raising Zach. Making a home. Trying to be a good wife. But when they were alone, just the two of them, Alice couldn’t deny something was missing from their marriage.

      A connection. A passion. A spark she’d only felt with one man.

      “Do you miss him?”

      She nodded, unable to put it all into words. “Do you?”

      “Yeah. Yeah, I do. I hadn’t realized it until I found out he’s gone.” Johnny wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I was too busy being pissed off at him.”

      “And you can’t stay mad at a dead man.” She should know. At least, it was impossible to admit it. Even to your oldest, and once upon a time, dearest, friend.

      “No. I can’t.”

      “Are you still pissed at me?”

      “A little.” He looked up at her. Gave her an honest half-smile. Broke her heart just a little.

      “And yet, you’re here.” She swallowed, even though she hadn’t been able to eat very