Better Than Perfect. Kristina Mathews

that’s the only reason you’re here? Sucking up to your new boss?” She knew better. Johnny didn’t suck up to anyone. He might deflect attention away from himself, but he didn’t suck up. He stood up for his teammates. Gave them more credit than they might deserve. But it wasn’t because he wanted something for himself.

      “I think you’ve got a good program.” Johnny lifted his gaze to meet hers. “You can make a big difference for some of these kids. It’s important. And I’d like to be a part of that.”

      “Thank you.” For the praise of her program. For wanting to help. For not letting their history get in the way of doing a good thing.

      The conversation was getting a little too personal, so she was grateful when the waitress came by to refill their iced tea. They finished their meals, while Johnny looked over the packet she’d created for him. He asked a few questions about the camp, and she did her best to fill him in on the details that would help him feel as confident teaching his game as he was playing it.

      “Thanks for going over this with me. It helps to have a game plan.” Johnny reached for the bill.

      “I’ve got it. It’s foundation business. Let me take care of it.”

      “No. I can actually afford to pay for lunch.” Johnny gave her a teasing grin. They’d both struggled financially in college. It led to some very creative dates. Or letting Mel tag along, more often than not, since he’d been the only one of the three of them who could afford luxuries such as pizza and hot wings.

      “I’m sure you can.”

      “Oh, yeah. I’m loaded. You should have held out for my millions.” Johnny leaned forward, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Do you know what they’re paying me?”

      Yeah. She knew. And she also knew it was less than he’d have been offered almost anywhere else. Just for the chance at chasing a World Series title. Or did he have other reasons to come to San Francisco?

      No. Of course not. He’d thought she and Mel were still married when he’d signed the contract. He’d given up probably a few million dollars to come here. And long-term security. It had nothing to do with his feelings for her.

      “Do you think I married Mel for his money?”

      “I gave up a long time ago trying to figure out why you chose him over me.” He said it casually, as if it didn’t matter to him. But it did. She didn’t miss the underlying hurt. The bewilderment. And the barely contained anger.

      “I didn’t choose him over you.” She leaned back into her chair. As if the extra few feet could lessen the blow. “It just happened. We were both missing you. And...”

      He looked at her. Searching her face for some part of it to make sense.

      “I got pregnant.”

      She waited for him to ask for more details. To ask the one question she hadn’t been able to answer. Hadn’t wanted to know for sure. Not when she’d needed to make a quick decision. One that would change her life forever, but hopefully wouldn’t ruin Johnny’s.

      “Look, Ali, I’m sorry…” He tossed a couple of bills on the table.

      “Don’t worry about it.” She folded her wallet and put it back in her purse. “But I’m not your Ali. Not anymore.”

      “I guess you’d prefer Mrs. Harrison.” His words were neutral. His tone was not. He was pissed at her. Extremely pissed.

      “Excuse me.” She shoved her chair back and headed for the ladies’ room. She’d hurt him. And neither one of them had forgiven her for it.

      * * * *

      Johnny followed Alice to the ladies’ room. Why couldn’t he be the calm, cool, always-in-control guy he was on the mound?

      Because this was Ali. She’d always made him a little crazy. She had a way of lighting him up like post-game fireworks on opening night. She still did. Even though she’d moved on. Had a life without him. She even had a kid.

      But that didn’t stop him from wanting her. From missing her. Even more now that he knew she was no longer married.

      She emerged with her head down and she nearly bumped into him.

      “Oh, Johnny. I didn’t see you there.” She looked up.

      Her mascara was smeared. Her eyes were red and shimmery. He’d made her cry.

      Damn.

      “Ali.” He wiped away the smudge with his thumb.

      She leaned into his palm and it would have been the most natural thing in the world to kiss her. To lean down and press his lips against hers like he’d wanted to do since that day at the ballpark. Like he’d wanted to do since she walked out on him. Since the first time he’d seen her.

      He took a step back. As far as he could go in the narrow hallway.

      “Ali…” He cleared his throat, since he sounded like the oxygen in the air had been replaced by helium. “Alice, I’m sorry. I was out of line. It won’t happen again.”

      “It’s okay.” She tried to sound brave. But the mascara streaks gave her away.

      “No. It’s not.” He stepped closer. He couldn’t help himself. “I hurt you.”

      “I hurt you first.” She glanced up at him, her eyes shimmering with regret. And maybe a little bit of longing.

      Yeah. She’d hurt him. More than he could ever admit.

      “It was a long time ago.” He should get over it already.

      “Johnny, I never meant to hurt you.” She sounded almost convincing. “I was just…scared.”

      “Afraid I’d sleep with other women.” They’d had that argument enough times. She’d worried about the women who hung around trying to score with a ballplayer. Groupies. Oh, how he hated that word. And everything it stood for.

      “A little.” She smoothed her hair back, twisting one strand before tucking it behind her ear. “But mostly, I was afraid of holding you back. Of being too much of a distraction.”

      Johnny didn’t know what to say. He shoved his hands in his pockets, so he could control his urge to touch her.

      “I knew you had what it takes to make it to the majors.” She leaned closer, placing her hand on his chest. Sending his heart rate up. “I had to love you enough to let you go.”

      “Look at me now.” Johnny tried to smile. Did she expect him to be grateful? He was no expert, but he didn’t think love meant abandoning someone when he needed her the most. When he was sent clear across the country, scared and alone, competing with guys from bigger schools. Guys with private coaching, fancy summer camps, and all the advantages Johnny never had.

      “I am so proud of you.” She hugged him, nearly knocking him into the wall before releasing him. “And I know you’re going to be great with these kids.”

      “Yeah. Sure.” The kids. That’s why they were here. “Thanks again for meeting with me. For preparing the folder.”

      Which he’d left on the table.

      “Well, thank you for lunch.” She smoothed her hair back again. “I should get going.”

      He let her go. Watched her walk away. Again.

      Retrieving the folder, he flipped to the page with the brochure of the Harrison Foundation. He stared at the picture of the man who used to joke about being jealous of Johnny. Johnny had the height, the athleticism, the good looks.

      But Mel, at five-eight with bad skin and a slightly receding hairline, had ended up with the girl. He’d been the one to offer her security, financially and otherwise. She never had to worry about Mel hooking up with some stranger on the road. She didn’t have to wait to see if he’d be successful. He had a job at