Everything Fails. T Van Santana

      Mickie turned me by the shoulders, hard. So hard, my feet came off the ground. Fear rushed me. Then she caught me by the hips and pulled me to her.

      I wrapped my legs around her back, squeezed hard. I pulled her off balance, and we both tipped over the rail. She let go of one of my hips to press a palm to the rail, stopping our topple.

      I looked in her eyes. They’re full of life and play. Her smile wide with teeth bared. She kissed my chest, licked it too. Blood filtered out the fear, made me warm again, but my attention was still split between Mickie’s mouth and the long fall we nearly took.

      Mickie whipped me around and down to the cold hard floor, knocking the wind from me and filling my eyes with spots. I exhaled, then gasped.

      What I took in was perfumed of her. My nose sorted the scents, refining them in greater detail, those I knew and those I did not, rendering a more complete collection of her likeness in my memory.

      I blinked her dark hair from my eyes, along with the spots, and saw her looming, diving in to meet my mouth once more. Her teeth scraped mine with the kind of ferocity I knew only from Mickie. She was fiercer than I would have liked, but I liked it still. I wanted this with her above all else.

      Danielle and Wendy shouted up into the lofts, but I couldn’t understand what they were saying, my ears still pumping blood and being bitten hard. Mickie said things into them, giggling but also making serious sounds that told me to forget whatever Danielle and Wendy were saying.

      Mickie stood up, slunk into the room nearby, heels clicking and echoing through the high walk.

      I pushed up to my hands and knees, then tried to stand. My leg was asleep, so I limped to follow, propelled by my enthusiasm.

      The room was Danielle’s parents’ bedroom. That felt weird but also a bit daring. It had the strange smells of older people, scents at once comforting and off-putting.

      Mickie crawled on the bed on all fours, looking like a jungle cat.

      I limped over to the bed, went to climb on, when she stopped me with an outstretched hand, nails very near my eyes.

      I stopped and waited, like she wanted.

      She went to her knees, grabbed the bottom of her top with crisscrossed hands, then sent it flying across the room, her long dark hair spraying out everywhere.

      I smiled, smitten.

      Mickie put her thumbs into her waistline and pushed her pants down to the bed, then kicked her legs from under her and out to me.

      “Take them off,” she said.

      I grabbed the pants, and she kicked me with the toe of a pointy boot.

      “The boots, silly.”

      “Right.”

      I took the first one off and dropped it, then looked to her face.

      It’s long and lean, hungry and approving.

      “Go on,” she said, and gave a nudge with her head.

      I took the other boot off, felt my pulse climb.

      “Now the pants.”

      I did like she asked and let the leather hit the floor between my legs.

      She backed up, made room for me on the bed. “Now you can get in.”

      I put myself up there with her, next to her on the downy top, within reach of her.

      Her face came next to mine, shining with warmth and affection.

      “Kiss me,” she said.

      I did, and I kissed her as well as I could, as softly and tenderly as I could.

      “I’ve waited for someone like you,” she said.

      I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant.

      “I’m not sure what you mean …”

      She brushed my hair from my face, swooping locks of it behind my ear. Then she put her mouth to my neck. It wasn’t like before. She was easy, gentle.

      I brushed aside her hair and kissed her neck. Her breath picked up, and her hips pressed into me. Mine were moving too, and I was awash in my good fucking fortune to be with her.

      She rolled to her back and opened herself to me.

      I took it all in. The beauty of the scene, the lovely scent of her blending into the strange smells of the room, the wide-open feeling in her eyes and in her smile.

      I am the luckiest person alive, I thought.

      Then something cold welled within me, from the inside out. And I froze.

      Mickie saw it. She saw it fast, nearly as fast as I saw it change her.

      Her teeth went fierce, and her eyes grew dark

      “Are we gonna fuck or not?” she asked.

      I didn’t answer, just sat there.

      Things went blurry.

      When I came downstairs, Danielle was printing some coffee and wafers for everyone.

      Wendy was laughing and holding court, her tiny body throned at the center back of the room, drawing everyone to her.

      Mickie leaned against her, though standing, looking lovely and long, her dark eyes cutting around me.

      My chest felt heavy from what’s between us.

      I sat down across the room. I wanted to be close but couldn’t bear being too close.

      “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Wendy asked me.

      I smiled at her, then looked at Mickie, who glared.

      “Nothing,” I said and lowered my head.

      Wendy flicked her eyes to Mickie, then across to me. “Mickie,” she said, “why don’t you go over there and bring a little cheer?”

      Mickie looked down at Wendy.

      Danielle looked all around, enthralled by the tension in the air. She knew. We all did. We all knew we were playing this out for Wendy’s pleasure.

      Mickie walked over to me but not like before.

      The clicking of her pointed boots had dulled, killing time before the clock strikes home. Her hips shifted from side to side, like they’re slowed by a desire to be somewhere else.

      Upon reaching me, she sat down and laid her long arms around me, then pressed her lips cold against my cheek. She smiled at me with her mouth while her eyes slashed at me.

      I spoke back to her through my eyes, trying to transmit what I felt, what I could not say. I sent an encrypted message that only she could read. I funneled what energy I had left from the two us into it, hoping the infusion would give her the feel of what it was.

      I thought she felt it. Was pretty sure she saw it. But it seemed to make her angrier.

      Her gaze blistered mine. She sighed through her nose and tightened her smile.

      I resigned, felt it was fair, even though it hurt.

      I shifted my sadness to a smile, and we turned together to show Wendy.

      Wendy put her hands together and pulled up her knees, feet flat on the seat of her chair. Her eyes danced with delight, showing each of us what we already knew about her and about ourselves.

      “There!” she said. “All better!”

      I kept smiling, along with Mickie and Danielle and Wendy.

      I smelled Mickie in the air all around me. It wasn’t the same as before. I could smell her disdain. The hurt had an aroma all its own, accented by anger.

      The emptiness of failure opened in me.

      Mickie kept smiling. “Why don’t we go outside and swim?”