What Every Parent Needs to Know About. Tonja Krautter

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      Introduction

      There is no denying that society changes on a continual basis throughout time.

      I think most people would agree that an evolving society is not necessarily a bad thing. Many changes are positive. However, this is not always the case. Probably one of the most frightening changes we have seen over the past few decades has to do with sex among our youth. There has been a rapid shift from predominantly prude-like behavior to promiscuity among both boys and girls. Much to the horror of their parents - when they find out - many children who have barely hit puberty are engaging in sexual activities that, not too long ago, were reserved for married couples.

      Our society has moved from viewing girls as treasures to viewing them as sex objects. Many boys are seen as disrespectful, impatient, and crude when interacting with girls, which is different from in the past. It was not too long ago that a boy would be excited simply to hold a girl’s hand. Stealing a kiss would make his heart beat out of his chest with nervousness and exhilaration. Boys would not even contemplate stepping past those boundaries because, quite frankly, they knew they would be shot. Literally, a girl’s father could, and often would, take a shotgun to any boy who placed hands on his unwed daughter. Therefore, boys tended to follow an unspoken, but established process to build a relationship with a girl that they were interested in.

      First, the boy would ask the girl’s father for permission to court his daughter. Do our teens even know what that word means? The boy might bring a girl some flowers or take her on a walk. They would then progress to going on a date, perhaps to a community dance. Taking someone out on a date and getting to know them seems to be passé. It is amazing to me how many teens have never been on an actual date, but have had sex with multiple partners. This is quite a change from a community dance where the couple might hold hands or have their first kiss. The final step in courting was when the boy would ask the girl’s father for permission to marry her. If the father agreed, the two would begin building their own life and family together.

      Today, however, girls no longer look to their parents for permission to spend time with boys and boys rarely ask for it. Both boys and girls take it upon themselves to make decisions about whom they will spend time with and what sexual activities they will engage in. Perhaps this would not be viewed as negative if it was not happening at such a young age.

      The new sexual trends that are emerging in our society are alarming, to say the least. However, perhaps what is even more alarming is the fact that most adults are unaware that they exist. This book was written specifically to educate parents. Identification of the trends and why we are seeing them in our society will be covered in the next two chapters of this book. How to avoid these trends and how to deal with them will be covered in chapters 3 and 4. These two chapters are particularly important because they will provide answers to many questions commonly asked by parents about what to do if their minor child engages in sexual activity.

      It is my hope that with a more thorough understanding of the complexities of our culture’s emerging sexual trends, we will be better equipped to work together as a society towards prevention and intervention. “It takes a community to raise a child,” is one of my favorite quotes. “Our children are our future, let them lead the way,” is another. Right now, however, their leadership on this topic is frightening in the way that they are leading each other. It must become our job as parents to lead them. Our children deserve to be guided, taught, and mentored in positive and healthy ways. The topic of sex is something that many parents have difficulty discussing with their children. After reading this book, I hope that all parents feel more confident and comfortable engaging in these conversations with their kids, today and for years to come.

      About the Author

      Dr. Tonja H. Krautter is a licensed clinical psychologist as well as a licensed clinical social worker. She is highly dedicated to the mental health field, serving persons in need and providing them with the highest standard of care. Her expertise lies with extreme case matters such as eating disorders, self-mutilation, and sexual assault.

       Professionally, Dr. Krautter has been in the role of clinical supervisor, program director, workshop leader, professor, and author. When not working she devotes her time to her family. She has been happily married for 15 years and has two beautiful sons, ages 8 and 6.