Personal ad. A play for 5.6 or 7 people. Nikolay Lakutin

from the spoon and calls out to his mother with displeasure.

      YURA (loudly, addressing the kitchen): Mom! Here it is… Need a rag… and bring a dustpan with a brush!

      Mother comes running with a rag, brush and dustpan, warmly greets Sanka. He's busy cleaning up after his son.

      YURA (to his mother, incredulously): Mom, is it really eleven o'clock?

      MOTHER (calmly, good): True, my son, it's already past eleven.

      YURA (to his mother, indignantly): Why did you Wake me up so late? Didn't I tell you to Wake me up at nine? We have a business meeting with Sanka today. I should have been prepared, at least had time to Wake up properly!

      MOTHER (calmly, good): I did Wake you up, son. I went to you four times, but you didn't Wake up. Grumbled, swore, and threw a pillow at me the last time. Already the Breakfast was cold, and I had to warm it up. I tried, really.

      YURA (to his mother, indignantly): So you're not trying hard enough. I should have done something different, I don't know… smart. Shamed me in front of a friend.

      Yura makes an indignant grimace and rolls her eyes.

      SANYA (smoothing out the corners): Come on, whatever. With whom it does not happen. I sometimes go as far as twelve, or even two, once in a while.

      MOTHER (with interest): What kind of event are you planning? Business meeting? Did you decide to get a job?

      Sanek and Yura look at their mother with a condemning, reproachful look, but they are silent.

      My mother understands their look and shakes her head.

      MOTHER (disappointed): Well yes… What am I, really? What kind of work in thirty-six years. Small yet. (Sanku) And it's probably too late for you, Sasha. (He goes on with his cleaning) Never mind, we'll sleep over sometime. I understand everything, these are difficult times, the employer cheats at every step. (Son) You'd better be at home, so it's more likely to be, and calmer. I've got a pension for a thousand dollars, and I've taken some sewing work home. Normal, what to complain about, many who live worse.

      The mother finishes cleaning up after her son, goes to the kitchen.

      SANEK (admiringly): You have a great mother. Here is my me constantly shpynyaet-go work, go work. I'm about to turn forty, but you can't take me like that. Spend priceless years of your life sitting in depressing warehouses, manufacturing plants, or dusty offices? I didn't find myself in a dumpster. You should live brightly, easily, at ease! It's so easy. Is it so hard to understand? After all, our old people should be wise, and they are some kind of stupid on the contrary.

      Yura looks reproachfully at his friend.

      SANEK (justifying himself): Well… it doesn't apply to your mother, but it does… some generation of fools seems to have grown up in the post-war years. Well, it is understandable, in General, it was hard, it was necessary to raise the country! Education and self-development were not at all in the first so to speak needs…

      YURA (curtailing the subject): Okay, enough with the demagoguery. What was there, what was there. We met today for a very specific event, so let's not waste any time!

      SANEK (clapping his hands, rubbing his hands): Yes!

      YURA (delovo): So, my dear friend. What do we have? So I'm thirty-six years old!

      SANEK (cheerfully, enthusiastically): So!

      JURA (business): The marriage was not noticed…

      SANEK (cheerfully, enthusiastically): I wasn't!

      JURA (business): As in fact, and in General in the company of a girl.

      SANEK (surprised): Really? What in General, what if never with anyone and never?

      YURA (judiciously): This happens! Haven't you read Omar Khayyam? Here he says that it is better to be alone than together with just anyone!

      Sanek scratches his chin thoughtfully.

      SANEK (surprised): However… Have you read much of this distinguished man's work?

      YURA (hesitating): Frankly, not very much. Yes, in all conscience, only this.

      SANEK (quite smiling): And … Well…, I thought so.

      JURA (business): So! Again with themes jumped off. So today we are going to find me a life partner! Or have you changed your mind about helping me with this difficult task?

      SANEK (smiling contentedly): What are you, old boy! Where are you without your old friend, who is wise with bitter experience in the field of gender relations? Of course, I will help, I have already made some sketches, so to speak, options. Are we going to place an online Dating ad?

      YURA (delovo): Well, where else? Not on a fence like in the middle ages…

      SANYA (business): There! I figured out how to correctly compose the ad text to, you know – catch! To attract! To catch a girl on the hook, with whom you will then spend your whole life swimming in the ocean of passion!

      YURA (rather admiringly): That's what an experienced friend means! As I said! Come on, come on. What are the two options you came up with?

      Sanek is all of himself, he feels the master of the situation, he is the "king of the world".

      SANYA (business): So, we need to show your strengths, in the most attractive light to present to the court of girls singles, or not singles, this is already… you know, everything happens, your person. So. Option one!

      YURA (intrigued): So?

      SANEK (pathos): Experienced alpha male, in the Prime of life, the owner of excellent health and a well-proven genotype is looking for a worthy candidate for the post of a faithful reliable life partner!

      Sanek pauses, waiting for a reaction.

      Yura looks at him indifferently.

      SANEK (pathos): What is it?

      SANEK (disappointed, drooping): Listen well… I don't know, of course, what's wrong with the genotype. About health-well… unless … Yes, I am not exhausted by work, but I would hardly be accepted into the Olympic reserve, as if… everything is not so smooth for me. And the last-a seasoned alpha male! I have no idea what to do with the girl, how to go where and what Makar, and how to get to the stage of relevance of this issue? What kind of alpha am I? Where did you find the male in me? (embarrassed) No, thank you very much, but that's not true, is it?

      SANEK (cheerfully, fervently): Ha, yurok, made me laugh. Who writes the truth in ads on Dating sites? And in General, in principle, in ads. This is the most that neither is advertising! And advertising works only when it is able to convince the layman that this product, product, service or… (takes a breath, points at a friend) in this case, a person, just needs it! We need to make you the kind of macho that hundreds of women, thousands of girls, and maybe even a dozen men want.

      Sanek twists his smile, jokingly shows his tongue.

      Yura shudders at the last thing he heard. His face reflects a pre-vomiting state.

      SANEK (fun, fervently): Yes kidding, relax, (with podkovyrkoy) although…

      Yura's look makes it clear that he does not intend to joke, not in the mood.

      SANEK: Okay. A lot will depend on the quality of your profile photo!

      YURA (fearfully): A..... is it necessary?

      SANEK (hovering): Of course! This is almost the main point! The most important first factor that will determine whether you will begin to study in detail or immediately scroll through the General pile of questionnaires.

      YURA (uncertainly): Listen, well… well, what about the soul there, interests… essence of man. You can't just judge by appearances!

      SANEK (sarcastically): Yes? You flipped through these sites last week in front of me! I saw you looking for your soul mate there, brushing aside all those who did not fit the category, not even miss city or region, but something even miss world or miss universe did not suit you according to your profile photo! Well… and do I tell you?

      YURA (indignantly): This is different! After all, I am a man, it