Aqueous Passage. Krystyna Faroe

Elm had known that things would have turned out this way he would have thought himself pathetic. Why did he hold back and wait for Fern? He’d had so many chances to take advantage of situations he could have manipulated Fern and seduced her, he was sure of that. She was frail, her strength was finite, and she let him hold her up, a crutch for her wounded soul. Yet, every time he saw her shrink to protect herself from the barrage of her memories, his protective instincts would kick in and without thinking he would immediately become her castle wall.

      He had held her almost naked body for a whole night feeling like his body would set on fire from the sensations he felt. His only redemption was that the heat helped to warm Fern’s cold frigid body. From there on he had held her in his arms again and again and had done nothing. All he had from her was the one kiss, the one kiss that had caused her nightmares and would be remembered that way. Perhaps that was why he hadn’t tried again but he thought not. He wanted her to heal; he wanted her to willingly lift her lips up to his as she had that night, the night that he almost had her love.

      He knew why the sudden onset of depression had taken hold of him. He’d seen her staring at the sky and was going to joke with her about looking for answers above when he noticed the airship. He saw her whole body look as if it would take flight at the sight of it and knew she was thinking of Oak, was happy that they were on the same route. He’d dropped back out of her sight before she saw him there. Carefully hiding in the shadows just like in the past when he would watch her without her knowing and envy the hold Oak had over her. What a fool he was to have had hope, hope for pain was what he was heading toward, there was nothing else for him and her.

      Sat in the dining mess he looked around at the others eating and discussing their journey through the Aqueous Passage. He needed to take his mind off his melancholy. He understood why Fern hated their location, as did the rest of the Woodlanders; they were used to freedom, traversing the forest and enjoying their games of war. He smiled at how prepared they were for fighting. If Oak had done anything well, he had taught them sparring and tactics that the Lakellers could not out do. Every one of the Woodlanders was lithe, quick and deceivingly strong.

      It was a strange relationship that between the Lakellers and the Woodlanders; originally they had been passengers, now it seemed that the Lakellers were very interested to find out where the Aviatilians were going. He reflected that the Woodlanders didn’t really care; all they wanted was to retrieve Oak and Blackthorn from them and to return to Elanclose.

      What would he do when they found them? He wasn’t sure if he could return to what had been. Could he return as the different person he was? Would going to Elanclose bring back the person he had succeeded dispelling?

      He knew that Fern’s feelings would always be for Oak and as soon as he was in her presence again she would crave him like a child wanting a toy. Yes, she would want him just as much as she had before.

      Then why did he keep hoping she would change? Why did he think that maybe there was a chance for him? His heart was foolish that was why, it wouldn’t give up on her. He dropped his head at the thought and stared at the empty plate before him.

      “It won’t magically refill Elm. I think you have to get up and physically put more food onto it.”

      Elm looked up to see Hemlock smiling down at him; he stopped smiling when he saw Elm’s expression. Hemlock moved to the bench opposite at once and sat looking him over again, kindly studying him.

      “I would say that face has to be girl related.”

      Elm gave a small smile and nodded but said nothing.

      “Fern obviously but why now, you two seem inseparable?”

      “We were but…” Elm stopped himself from saying anything else, it was too obvious.

      “But once Oak is back, she will run to him and forget you.”

      Elm’s return glance was angry, so Hemlock threw his arms up in the air in a gesture of submission.

      “I was only stating what you think.”

      Elm’s face said it was true, as he too gave a small shrug and dropped his head and shoulders once more.

      “Why Fern Elm? Everyone knows she adores Oak; she always has and always will. You can’t change her, she’s set her heart on him and she will never let go. You know her better than any of us, you must see it.”

      “Yes, I see it, yet I’m fool enough to keep hoping she’ll realize he doesn’t want her and move on.” Elm’s eyes still looked at the empty plate as he answered, as empty as his heart felt at this moment. He heard Hemlock shift his weight on his seat.

      “I’m going to suggest something to you, something you won’t like.” Elm gave no response. “You have to let her go. Look for someone else or don’t think of girls at all, they just cause you grief anyway and you know why I say that.”

      Elm looked up and scrutinized Hemlock for a moment, memories seeping into his self-pitying mind. “Yes, I understand but it’s just as hard to give up as it is to try. So, which gives me the better conclusion? A chance with Fern or none?”

      Hemlock smiled back. “Believe me your chance with Fern may seem good but it will bring more trouble than it's worth.”

      Elm thought the words over and reflected once more on Hemlock’s own past romantic involvement with a girl that was already joined in union. It hadn’t turned out well and Elm himself had been the destroyer of their brief tender moment. Her partner had never found out but both she and Hemlock had suffered, no doubt the guilt still sat heavily upon them both for breaking the rules.

      “Probably but right now I feel like I want to be masochistic. Just being with her makes a difference to me, when she smiles or laughs…well it makes me feel a hero all over again.”

      Hemlock nodded in understanding and slowly stood up. “Think of the cost Elm, to you and everyone around you when things go back to what they were, and then decide on whether giving her up is right?” He gave Elm one last serious stare and started to move away. “Anyway, right now I need to decide whether I am going to have some delicious envillion for dinner or some delicious envillion.”

      Elm smiled as he watched him walk toward the sideboard of food. He had turned into a good friend and Elm felt guilty for having manipulated Hemlock all those days ago. Days! It seemed longer but it was only days since this had all started. Not even a week since he had thought he could oust Oak as leader, a time when he had plans, bad plans.

      The fact that he had blackmailed Hemlock into performing tasks for him and Hemlock had still protected him and stood by him for support, proved Hemlock to be a better person than he was. He realized now that had he hadn’t needed to coerce Hemlock into saving his life, he could have asked for help and it would have been given to him willingly. Playing the despicable card had not been his best moment.

      He watched Hemlock, his ruffled dark blond hair falling forward across his cheek as he stood scooping envillion in sauce onto a plate. Hemlock was looking down at his meal as he wrinkled his nose; Elm smiled, he understood, it was how they felt about the food on the ship. The Woodlanders disliked it but hungry stomachs had to have something, and envillion was all that was left in the cook’s storage for dinner. They would soon have to find a stop on the Aqueous Passage and leave it to find food. He was looking forward to that day, as were the rest of the Woodlanders. He guessed it would be an empty ship that would be left behind when they finally did land.

      A hand gently touched his shoulder. He didn’t need to look at her to know who it was; her scent was familiar to him even with the smell of cooked food around him. He looked at the slim fingers and wrist, wishing he didn’t have to turn and look up at the face that caused him so much torment.

      “How was dinner?”

      He absorbed her in, charged by her warm smile, her green eyes repeating it, her countenance welcoming his reply. Her energy made him tingle, he had to pull himself together; right now he felt the need to get up and leave to break the connection. His depression made him want to run but he didn’t, instead he encouraged a smile to find his