Where Would I Be Without You?. B.J. Gallagher

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       Where Would I Be Without You?

      LIFe Lessons

      from WISe and wonDerFuL women

       BJ Gallagher

      Over the years, I have learned

      from books and newspapers,

      from movies and TV,

      From preacHers anD TeacHers

      —but mostly I have learned

      from other women.

      —BJ Gallagher

      Where would we be if it weren’t for our women mentors and teachers, friends and family? Mothers, sisters, famous writers and thinkers, artists and inventors, friends and friends of friends all make an appearance in this wise and wonderful book. So let’s celebrate what we know—and pass it on!

       Where Would I Be Without You?

      This edition first published in 2009 by

      Red Wheel/Weiser, LLG

      With offices at:

      500 Third Street, Suite 230

      San Francisco, CA 94107

      www.redwheelweiser.com

      Copyright © 2002 by BJ Gallagher.

      Design © 2009 by Conari Press.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages. This text was adapted from Everything I Need to Know I Learned from Other Women, originally published in 2002 by Conari Press, ISBN: 978-1-57324-859-4.

      ISBN: 978-1-57863-455-8

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      available upon request.

      Cover and text design by Tracy Johnson

      Typeset in Filosofia, Futura, Memphis, Eclat, and Chic Hand

      Cover and text illustrations © 2008 Jens Kelley/istockphoto

      Printed in Hong Kong

      GWP

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       Where Would I Be Without You?

      LIFe Lessons

      from WISe and wonDerFuL women

       BJ Gallagher

       Introduction

      When I was a little girl, I thought that when kids became grownups, they stopped changing—that adulthood was a state of stability. Once you grew up, I figured, that was it—you were you. But when I became an adult, I learned that I had been mistaken—the growing never stops. And the learning never stops . . . if I am open to it. Over the years, I have learned from books and newspapers, from movies and TV, from preachers and teachers, as well as from my own life experiences—but mostly I have learned from other women. Each woman has left a bit of herself with me—an indelible imprint on my psyche, on my soul.

      Women learning from other women is the theme of this book. in compiling these stories, I wanted to include not only lessons from women in my own life, but from others’ lives as well. I asked friends and family; I inquired among my professional colleagues; I sent out internet queries; and I even pestered friends while we were vacationing together in Mexico. I asked lots of questions, like:

       Where was it that you learned the important lessons of life?

      WHO are YOur TeaCHers, YOur roLe moDeLs?

      Where do you look to understand what it means to be a woman, how to live a fulfilled life, how to decide what’s important, and what’s the meaning of it all?

      I hope the stories I have gathered in this book might help you live your life a bit happier, a tad healthier, and maybe with a smidgen more fun, too! True wisdom is the ability to learn from other people’s experiences—without having to go out and reinvent the wheel. This book is my gift to you—may it bring you a little bit of wisdom and lots of inspiration.

      With love and laughter, BJ Gallagher

       Attitude Is Everything

       NOBODY

      can be exactly like me.

      Sometimes even I have trouble doing it.

      —Tallulah Bankhead, actress

      Other women have taught me much about the critical role that attitude plays—in good times and in bad. Most importantly, they taught me that I can choose my own attitude! it’s not something immutable in my DNA over which I have no control. My attitude is not cast in concrete— in any given moment, I can choose to change it.

      Attitude is everything.

      One of my mother’s favorite sayings was

       “MIND OVER MATTER.”

      She invoked this mantra whenever I was whining or complaining (as kids often do). “Mind over matter” was an all-purpose panacea for assorted and sundry problems. Feeling lonely? Instead of focusing on your aloneness as a problem, view it as an opportunity to do something that requires solitude, like writing or cleaning your closet. Make a gratitude list and see all the wonderful things you have going for you!

       What do you hang on the walls of your mind?

      —Eve Arnold, photographer

      LIFe IS raw maTerIaL.

      WE ARE ARTISANS.

      We can sculpt our existence into something beautiful,

      or debase it into ugliness. It’s in our hands.

      —Cathy Better, poet and writer

      I WENT TO VISIT MY AUNTIE EL IN SEDONA A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO, AND OVER LUNCH ONE AFTERNOON, I COMMENTED ON HER BEAUTIFUL COLLECTION OF HATS.

      She smiled knowingly and leaned in to whisper something so that her husband wouldn’t overhear: “I wear these stunning hats so people will look at my face and not my big tush!” she confided.

      And she was right—that’s exactly what people did.

       NOTHING CONVEYS THE RIGHT ATTITUDE LIKE A GREAT HAT!

       IF YOU OBEY ALL THE RULES

      you