Three Virtues of Effective Parenting. Shirley Yuen

      

      The Three

       Virtues of

       Effective

       Parenting

      Advance Praise for The Three Virtues of Effective Parenting

      Shirley Yuen personally embodies the three virtues she shares with her children and encourages other parents to do the same. Precious treasure comes to those who are willing to take this new and unique path that leads to surprisingly effective results.

      —BOBBIE SANDOZ MERRILL, author of Parachutes for Parents

      Read this book and follow her wise teachings and you will be inspired to be a benevolent parent who will give your children the love and attention they so deserve. This book will open your eyes and your heart and will take you down many paths that you may never have traveled. Author Shirley Yuen will take you on the path that will lead to a healthier family where children are even more valued and even more loved.

      —AILEEN DEESE, Executive Director of Prevent Child Abuse Hawaii

      There is no single voice that has been more persistent in shaping human culture than that of Confucius, China’s preeminent teacher. In this slim yet brimming volume, Shirley Yuen brings the distilled values of the ages to guide us in our awesome, challenging, and sometimes overwhelming responsibility of being effective parents. For China, family has always been the governing metaphor in all aspects of the human experience. Yuen brings tradition and her own personal virtuosity in lived parenting to demonstrate how to grow our family relations, and in so doing, how to enchant the most common yet most valuable business of a human life.

      —ROGER T. AMES, Professor of Chinese Philosophy, University of Hawaii

      Yuen helps western parents practice the Confucian art of self-cultivation while raising children within the context of Western society. As she describes her mistakes and the work she did to correct them, reminding the reader that “Not correcting a mistake is a mistake” as Confucius said, she gives insight into how she learned to be a better parent with rare honesty and humor. I would heartily recommend this book to prospective parents, parents, and grandparents.

      —HELEN P. YOUNG, Associate Scholar, Center for East Asian Studies, Stanford University

      First published in 2005 by Tuttle Publishing, an imprint of Periplus Editions (HK) Ltd., with editorial offices at 364 Innovation Drive, North Clarendon, Vermont 05759.

      Copyright © 2005 Shirley Yuen

      Grateful acknowledgment is made to the Humanics Publishing Group for permission to reprint the excerpt on page xiv from The Way of Virtue by James Vollbracht. Copyright © 1998 by James Vollbracht.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior written permission from the publisher.

      Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

      Yuen, Shirley, 1952-

      The three virtues of effective parenting : lessons from Confucius on the power of benevolence, wisdom, and courage / Shirley Yuen.

      p. cm.

      Includes bibliographical references and index.

      ISBN: 978-1-4629-0204-0 (ebook)

      1. Philosophy, Confucian. I. Title: The power of benevolence, wisdom, and courage. II. Title. B127.C65Y795 2004

      179’.9’085—dc22

      2004007209

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      Tuttle Publishing

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      First edition

      08 07 06 05 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2

      Cover art: Ta Shan. Collection of Shirley Yuen.

      Printed in Canada

      TUTTLE PUBLISHING ® is a registered trademark of Tuttle Publishing.

      DEDICATION

      Dedicated with love and gratitude to my mother, Wong Suk Ying, and my father, Yuen Kong Sang, whose unconditional love for me had surpassed any parenting skill that could be learned from books.

      CONTENTS

       Acknowledgments

       Preface

       Introduction: The Way of the Virtuous Parent

       Part One: The Three Universal Virtues

       CHAPTER ONE: Benevolence for Reaching the Heart of Your Child .

       CHAPTER TWO: Wisdom for Making Wise Parenting Decisions

       CHAPTER THREE: Courage to Make a Difference in Yourself and in the World

       Part Two: The Three Roles of a Virtuous Parent .

       CHAPTER FOUR: The Benevolent Ruler: To Rule and to Love.

       CHAPTER FIVE: The Wise Teacher: To Teach and to Inspire