Petals. Marti Eicholz

“Not everything your partner does is about you even though it may seem that way. Also, one’s emotional reaction is about your stuff from the past. The stuff you carried with you from childhood, the stuff that only you can resolve.”

      Mary had insecurities, feelings of lack, not being good enough. She needed a generous supply of a kind, caring support.

      Both were full of opinions---whether they expressed them. Each of them had their own likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams. Even when they were together, they wanted and needed time to pursue their own interests or just have a little space from each other. Adam needed a designated private zone for himself.

      There were undesirable glitches that needed compromise and slight adjustments which called for patience and flexibility.

      One day Mary declared, “Marriage is a tough teacher, the toughest I’ve ever had.”

      Adam finishing his coffee added, “With plenty to learn.”

      With a kiss and a hug, Adam left for five days of travel and Mary bicycled to her work at Sam’s Fabric Shop. Today, the shop would be closed for inventory and a spruce up, an exceptionally long day. Sam carried in mountains of food and drinks plus they would get time and a half. Even though Mary dreaded this day, she found that when it was all over there was a sense of accomplishment as a “Job Well Done” prize.

      That evening after a warm shower, she cuddled up in her fuzzy robe with thoughts of her mother. It is time I touch base. I was in a huge hurry to get through high school, get a job, do my thing and be in a grown-up marriage. Impulsively, I said “I do” to my first real boyfriend and “I don’t” to what was a chaotic and mostly unhappy childhood, feelings of being unloved, not wanted, lacking in abilities, and other sad moments. All I wanted was some peace and order. When I met Adam, I felt happy and rescued.

       After our quickie Vegas wedding was over, we settled down to a comfortable, drama-free existence. Despite our marriage with its glitches and challenges, I have a deep sense of contentment. After work one day soon, I will take the bus out to the farm. Besides my parents there are the roses and the apples.

      Sam’s Fabric Shop sparkled from a freshening up, new inventory, and a re-organization of goods needing a lift. One of Mary’s duties was to take dated tired goods and give them a new life as garments for sale or for charitable causes.

      That late afternoon Mary boarded the bus and headed for the country. She walked the path toward the family house, passing the apple orchard. Approaching the house, the smell of fried chicken made her dizzy and queasy. Her dad, Kenneth, was sitting on the porch rising as she came nearer and with a yell, “Is that you, Mary?”

      “Yes, dad it is me. I came to see how you and mom are doing,” Mary said with calm and composure.

      “Come in. We are ready to have some fried chicken and mashed potatoes.” Kenneth stated and then continued, “What are you up to? It has been some time since we’ve seen you.”

      Thelma interrupted with a greeting, “Mary it is so good to see you. How are you doing? Join us for some fried chicken.”

      Mary felt sick. Hearing the word ‘chicken,’ seeing the ‘chicken’ on the table, and smelling the ‘chicken’ made vomit come to the back of her throat, and she could not seem to swallow it back down.

      Mary taking her time, trying to get control stated, “I am doing fine. I graduate. I have a job. And I got married to Adam Miller. He is a salesman for the furniture company. I am happy.”

      Kenneth and Thelma sat stunned. Thelma finally got her breath and said, “We are happy you found happiness. That is all we ever wanted. Would you like the piano?”

      It was hard for Mary to comprehend the offering. Her first reaction was, “The boys were always better on the piano than I was. Perhaps they would want the piano.” Silence penetrated the entire atmosphere.

      “Don’t you want a piece of chicken? You used to like chicken.” Kenneth inquired.

      “At this moment I feel a little nauseated and the smell of chicken isn’t settling well.” Mary confused.

      Then she continued, “If you don’t mind, I would like to pick some roses and a few apples and take the next bus back into town.”

      Together they picked a bunch of roses, gathered a sack of apples, and walked Mary to the bus stop just as the bus appeared on schedule. She boarded and waved. Kenneth and Thelma waved in return.

      With a smile Mary handed the roses to the bus driver, “These roses symbolize God’s love at work.”

      The bus driver smiled and muttered a “Thank you.”

      Mary took the first available seat and vomited into the bag of apples. She wondered is this stomach flu or food poisoning.

      What she did not realize was everything was about to change.

      Life Changing

      Mary entered a new existence, an unusual sluggishness. Her breasts felt tingly, sore, full, and even painful. She noticed darkening areolas. With these strange, intense new feelings, she looked in the mirror and shouted, “I hate me. With a flip of a switch, I’m no longer me.”

      Her moods went haywire. One minute she was up and the next she was lying in bed sobbing. Adam suggested they see a doctor. The doctor had a blood test drawn. Beaming, the doctor announced, “I have the results of your tests. Congratulations! You are expecting a baby. You’re embarking on the journey of a lifetime.”

      Mary sat stunned and in complete shock. Adam took her shaking hand. She trembled uncontrollably with cries of despair and hopelessness. “I can’t do this.” Adam held her. The doctor recommended an anxiety medication to calm her.

      Adam took time off from work to attend to Mary and her intense irritability and anger. Once the right dosage of medication seemed to stabilize Mary’s condition, Adam was back on the road. Mary worked out a new schedule with Sam to work from home on several projects. This gave her flexibility and comfortable surroundings, managing her morning sickness symptoms.

      At one-point Mary called her mother to share the news. Thelma responded with, “Take all the medication they will give you because you will need it. Now you will know what it is like to be a parent.” Hanging up Mary thought there is a part of me that is glad I left home. Growing up on the farm was not exactly my idea of the perfect setting for an upbringing. It is beautiful; full of greenery, the rose garden, the apple orchard, but I never felt like I belonged. My brothers loved the place yet when they got the chance they left. For as long as I can remember I wanted to leave. I finally did, but I wonder if my place of escape is the most ideal.

      Mary paused and then continued with her thoughts when I look at what the ideal is, I get lost and find myself confused about what that means. Everyone has a different perception and how that is to be. People are not perfect. I have known this since I was a small child and having an endless amount of bad days.

      Mary followed her mother’s advice and took all the medication allowed because she needed it.

      Mary overwhelmed with fatigue often because of her inability to sleep and no appetite. She had spells where she sat in a fog all confused with worry thoughts. With great care, Adam managed Mary’s prenatal care and her anxiety medication.

      The shower comforted, as the water dripped down past her shoulders, through her silken hair, and continuing over her large stomach. It expanded out to prove that another being lived within her. Two heartbeats were within one stout body. Her back ached as her entire weight relied upon it.

      After the months of pregnancy, the hours of labor, and the eternity of pushing, suddenly there was this tiny creature on Mary’s chest. Dazed, she looked into his face saying, “How did I just do that? You came OUT OF ME?”

      Mary had a moment of JOY and then thinking, ‘Thank god that’s over!’ Terror set in because she had not the slightest clue what to do.

      As Mary continued to stare at