The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder. Bonnie Kaye

      

       THE GAY HUSBAND CHECKLISTFOR WOMEN WHO WONDER

      BY

      BONNIE KAYE, M.Ed.

       CCB Publishing British Columbia, Canada

      The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder

      Copyright © 2008 by Bonnie Kaye, M.Ed.

      ISBN-13: 978-0-9810246-3-9

      Second Edition

      Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

      Kaye, Bonnie, 1951-

      The Gay Husband Checklist for Women Who Wonder [electronic resource ] / by Bonnie Kaye. - 2^nd ed. Previous title: Is he straight? A checklist for women who wonder. Also available in print format. ISBN 978-0-9810246-3-9 1. Bisexuality in marriage. 2. Closeted gays--Family relationships. 3. Gay men--Family relationships. 4. Gay men--Relations with heterosexual women. 5. Marital conflict. 6. Self-help techniques. I. Title. HQ1035.K38 2008a 306.872 C2008-904755-9

      Extreme care has been taken to ensure that all information presented in this book is accurate and up to date at the time of publishing. Neither the author nor the publisher can be held responsible for any errors or omissions. Additionally, neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

      All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise without the express written permission of the publisher. Printed in the United States of America and the United Kingdom.

      Publisher: CCB Publishing

      British Columbia, Canada

      www.ccbpublishing.com

       Dedicated to:

      • My mother, who always believed in me and insisted I write this book,

      • The man in my life who made me believe in myself,

      • My family members and friends who encourage me daily,

      • And the wonderful women who pass through my chatroom who give me strength and love weekly

       Other books by Bonnie Kaye

      Doomed Grooms: Gay Husbands of Straight Wives

      Man Readers: A Woman’s Guide to Dysfunctional Men

      Straight Wives: Shattered Lives

      How I Made My Husband Gay: Myths About Straight Wives

       CONTENTS

Introduction

1: My Personal Story

2: Questions Most Asked by Straight Wives About Their Gay Husbands

3: The Gay Husband Checklist

       4: The Checklist for Women Who Attract Gay Men

       5: How and Why Women Marry Gay Men

       6: Living La Vida Limbo

       7: And Suffer the Children

       8: Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

       9: Bisexuality - Illusion and Delusion

       10: Happily Ever Re-After

       11: Signs of Cheating Checklist

       12: Starting Over

       13: Bonnie’s Straight Talk Columns

       About the Author

INTRODUCTION

      A woman enters into a marriage with the hopes, dreams, and plans of a happy and fulfilling life with the man with whom she intends to build a life and family. The central theme surrounding these aspirations is the one of honesty. When the man goes into the marriage with the same goals, but leaves out the honesty piece, the marriage is doomed for both parties and their future children.

      Over four million women in this country and millions more throughout the world, unknowingly marry homosexual men only to learn at some point why their marriages are so difficult and problematic. In most cases, these men were aware of their homosexuality before the marriage but were hoping for a “miracle” that would change them. Marriage would be the answer to those ever-present gnawing attractions to men that would mysteriously vanish by wishful thinking. Living the “straight life” could change their impulses towards men because their wives would fulfill their sexual needs.

      There’s no treachery intended here. Let’s be logical. We are living in a society that will never accept homosexuality as “normal.” Gay people are openly discriminated against and persecuted. They are looked at as being deviant, distorted, and perverted. Families, friends, and associates often cut them off once the truth is known. Isn’t it worth taking the chance to change this if marriage might be the answer?

      In these enlightened times, we still find an abundance of ignorance towards homosexuality. Gay people are still killed and brutalized by homophobic mobs. The majority of the straight community still believes that “gay” is a choice that someone makes. But why would anyone consciously choose a lifestyle that is scorned by so many?

      For approximately 25% of gay men, heterosexual sex is possible, even though it is not preferable. These men have the most difficult time coming to terms with their homosexuality because they can “perform” with a woman. They want the chance to live the American dream, but instead, in time, it becomes a nightmare. Two of the most difficult situations come into play— living a lie on a daily basis, and forcing yourself to be what you are not and cannot be—namely, straight.

      The women, who are slapped with the truth at the time when it becomes convenient for their husbands to reveal this information, feel trapped in their own personal “twilight zone.” After they learn about their husbands’ homosexuality, numerous questions arise with limited resources for finding the answers that make sense.

      This book has been written to help straight women and gay men understand the dynamics of their marriages by answering the difficult questions that are so confusing. These are answers based on twenty-five years of counseling tens of thousands of women across this country and other parts of the world who have been in these relationships.

      Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to alleviate the pain that each woman suffers, but this book