Monkey Business. Sarah Mlynowski

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      PRAISE FOR SARAH MLYNOWSKI

      As Seen on TV

      “A fun and telling look at the world of reality TV and the lure of fame.”

      —Booklist

      “As Seen on TV is funny…. The book is filled with witty characters and Steve, a lovable boyfriend whom you can’t help rooting for.”

      —Columbus Dispatch

      “As Seen on TV is simply irresistible—one of the best reasons you could find for reaching for the TV remote and hitting the off button.”

      —International bestselling author Nick Earls

      Fishbowl

      “An original and very funny celebration of friendship between women.”

      —Waldenbooks, Best of 2002 Women’s Fiction

      “…Mlynowski is out for a rollicking good time from the start.”

      —Arizona Republic

      “Undemandingly perfect…wonderfully bitchy.”

      —Jewish Chronicle

      “A fresh and witty take on real-life exams in love, lust, trust and friendship.”

      —Bestselling author Jessica Adams

      Milkrun

      “Mlynowski is acutely aware of the plight of the 20-something single woman—she offers funny dialogue and several slices of reality.”

      —Publishers Weekly

      “This Sex and the City-style story is chick-lit for the modern age.”

      —Heat

      Twenty-something Sarah Mlynowski was born in Montreal, Canada, and has an honors degree in English literature from McGill University. She is currently a full-time novelist in New York, and her books have been published in more than sixteen countries. Monkey Business is her fourth novel.

      If you’d like to say hello, visit her Web site at www.SarahMlynowski.com.

      Monkey Business

      Sarah Mlynowski

      

www.mirabooks.co.uk

      ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

      Many, many thanks to:

       my mom, Elissa Ambrose, because she reads each word I ever write, no matter what time it is, and always makes my sentences sound prettier; my editor, Sam Bell, for putting this book on the Slim-Fast diet and showing me how to punch it up; my agent, Laura Dail, for being superb in every way; Corinne Gelman, for still being my favorite interview subject, and for taking the time to read early, cryptic drafts of this book; Lynda Curnyn, because she is one of the nicest editors around, as well as being a fabulous writer and my favorite lunching companion; the RDI team: Farrin Jacobs, Margaret Marbury, Laura Morris, Stephanie Campbell, Margie Miller, Tara Kelly and Tania Charzewski, for their excellent work; my friends and little sister: Jess Braun, Bonnie Altro, Robin Glube, Jess Davidman and Aviva Mlynowski, for always answering my Is-This-Funny?/Does-This-Sound-Too-Canadian? e-mails within thirty seconds of receiving them; and Todd Swidler, because with him beside me, everything makes sense. Life, love and even arbitrage pricing. Okay, he had to explain that last one multiple times and ver-r-ry slowly.

      For my dad and stepmom,

       Larry Mlynowski and Louisa Weiss,

       with love.

      Contents

      orientation (primarily academic)

      kimmy’s big blunder

      jamie wants a replay so he can amend his foreplay

      russ floats and forgets

      layla applies herself

      kimmy contemplates the random acts of the universe

      russ omits one significant detail

      first semester

      jamie comes late (literally)

      kimmy’s double date

      layla makes a good impression

      kimmy buys her books

      russ goes to war

      jamie is a washout

      layla’s price isn’t right

      kimmy’s quasi quarantine

      layla finds her prince in a haystack

      kimmy’s fears comes true

      layla has a girls’ night in

      kimmy does her patriotic duty

      jamie snoozes and loses

      russ spins the bottle

      layla tricks but won’t treat

      jamie is shockingly punctual

      russ blasts beer

      kimmy goes to bat

      russ caves in

      layla goes fruity

      kimmy knows the drill

      jamie wants a sex change/jamie wants sex, period

      layla gets the job done

      russ returns to the land of the loonies

      kimmy waits

      layla hits the books

      kimmy studies it up at the library

      jamie’s on fire

      russ ignores his conscience

      layla thinks she failed (again)

      russ finishes his exam

      kimmy gets screwed

      russ rings in the new year

      jamie saves the world one book at a time

      kimmy’s prepping

      it’s the doghouse for russ

      second semester

      kimmy’s shrinking basket

      layla’s stakeout

      the green-eyed monster gets to russ

      layla writes a marketing plan

      kimmy has a heart-to-heart

      jamie’s wake-up call

      layla makes her move

      kimmy works it

      russ almost blows his cover

      layla gets bubbly

      jamie’s valentine’s day curse

      kimmy is pissed

      jamie thinks about life

      russ gets nailed

      kimmy gets lucky

      jamie returns to the zoo

      kimmy has a boyfriend

      russ becomes a copycat

      layla’s library libido

      kimmy saves her boyfriend’s ass

      jamie’s muse makes him miserable

      russ is annoyed

      layla’s new fantasy

      kimmy boards the train to pain

      jamie talks the talk

      layla’s epiphany

      russ