IVF: An Emotional Companion. Brigid Moss

away, the nurse came over and gave her to me. It was such an amazing moment. Neither John nor I minded if she was a boy or a girl, as long as everyone was well. But seeing her beautiful little face just made me melt with joy that we had a precious little girl.

      The first thing Sally said was that she was beautiful, then she told me to take Ellie to see her daddy, who was waiting outside. What could I say to that? Thank you didn’t even come close.

      We had to stay in hospital until Sally was discharged. Ellie and I had a private room at the opposite end of the ward to her. The next day, Sally knocked on the door and asked if she could have a cuddle with her niece, which was lovely.

      Those first three days in hospital, I couldn’t take my eyes off Ellie. I know I’m biased, but she is beautiful. It was wonderful just to sit there, holding her, and to be a mum. I hadn’t wanted to stay in hospital, but it was good for us to have that quiet time together, just Ellie and me, to get to know each other.

      To become Ellie’s legal parents, we had to apply to the court for the parental order. An official came to our house to talk to us about how she was conceived, how we felt, if the family had accepted her. One of the things we told her was that our friends and family were amazing at welcoming Ellie into the world. Everyone loved her just as if she’d grown inside me.

      I do think it must be hard for Sally. Even though she’s an auntie to Ellie, she’s kept in the background for the nine months since she was born. Maybe she doesn’t want to be seen to be getting too close. I think it must be emotional for her, but we haven’t spoken about it. We gave her a massive bunch of beautiful flowers, with a note from Ellie saying, ‘Thank you for looking after me for nine months’. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t seem good enough, but what else is there to say?

      I can’t remember what life was like before Ellie. Even the sleepless nights haven’t bothered me. It’s such a joy to see her growing into a wonderful little person. John adores her too and her little face lights up when he walks in from work.

      I don’t dwell on the cancer, or the fact I had to have a hysterectomy. I have a big scar, which runs from hip to hip, but it doesn’t upset me. Of course, I would rather have carried my daughter myself, but I have tried to keep that in perspective. We’re going to tell Ellie how she was conceived, as soon as she can understand it. We want her to know how special she is, and if she chooses to tell people in the future, that’s up to her.